A Phan Phantasy

Physical interaction? AWKWARD.

It was a regular day. I had just woken up. I rubbed my weary eyes as I fumbled to grab my phone off the night stand. "Oh shit," I say to myself. 6:30 am! Why had I gotten up so early? After a few desperate tries of falling asleep I gave up and managed to get out of bed and get dressed.

Black skinny jeans, black tshirt, and black shoes. You know, the usual

I stared into my full stretch mirror hanging against my bedroom wall. Fringe check! I laughed to myself remembering that hilarious video with Phil, my roommate and best friend. You could call us british-youtuber-sensations. But not everyone thinks that. My hair was potentially  emo-like. I straightened the fringe and positioned it over my forehead to a slant. One of the things I loved about me and Phil, our hair was simply on fleek. After the struggles of trying to look acceptable  I made my way to the kitchen. To my suprise I found Phil there, already. What's he doing up so early?

"Hey Phil" I said smiling as my usual.
"Hey" he responded, suprised  to see my face this early.
I settled down with my own cup of tea. I expected some kind of witty remark or a weird random fact to come from Phil but he was strangely silent. Well this is weird. I thought.
Dan and Phil without some kind of laugh or conversation? Not very common. I wondered if he was mad at me. Finally he got up and put his coffee cup in the sink.

When he walked past me his shoulder slightly brushed against me. I was in sudden suprise and I toppled backwords. Phil caught me just in time. He held my waist firmly against him. I could feel my cheeks getting red. The sensation of his warm hands around me and his soft breathe against my face almost made me pass out. That's when our eyes colided. He smiled at me. Why did I think he was mad at me? He's same old Phil. My heart began to beat faster. Our heads were less than an inch apart. I wondered what he would do. Phil would never kiss me, would he? We already had this conversation before.. and he solemnly promised he wasn't gay. But this was weird. I almost wanted to kiss him. His warm brown eyes stared into my heart. But just as quickly as the moment started, it ended.

"Oh uh, oops" Phil stammered.
He let go of my sides and brushed his hands on his jeans, as if to show no interest. Without saying another word, he rushed out of the kitchen. There I was, standing alone in the kitchen. I felt empty inside. I couldn't understand the feeling I just had. Is this what it's like to be attracted to a boy?? I kept asking myself. I couldn't imagine myself being gay. Maybe bi? No not that either. Whatever. It was a one time feeling. It'll go away. Right? So I ignored it. No one had to know about that moment. But I couldn't stop thinking about Phil.. his amazing eyes, the way he stammered when he was nervous, the way he had grasped my waist. Stop it Dan. I thought to myself. It was just an accidental moment. Nothing more. Then I heard quiet footsteps. So quiet and soft, I knew it was Phil's lion slippers. I turned around.
"Hey," I said shifting awkwardly.
"What just happened? " Phil seemed as confused as I was. We both didn't know what that was. And I could tell he couldn't stop thinking about it either.

"I just tripped. No big deal." I lied. Phil seemed to nod his head.
"Yeah, duh" he said laughing. Oh, Phil's laugh. I could listen to his cute little giggling all day. The way his dimples were so- I cut myself off. Stop it Dan, for God's sake. You and Phil will never be a thing. So stop pretending. I knew that was true. No matter how many ship hash tags came across our friendship, Phan was most likely dead to us just as any other awkward boy roommate relationship. It was for the best anyway...

To be continued... I will try and post ASAP and please let me know if you are enjoying the story :)