Lifeless (Phan Oneshot)

A/N- This is my first fanfic, and I'm not a very good writer, so don't expect too much! Thank you for reading it, and it'd be great it you could leave me some comments or tweet me @malibuphan

Phil had been in his room all night. The apartment was too quiet without him. I knew I had to tell him soon, but tonight was not the night. We had been arguing about such stupid little things recently, I knew Phil was obviously stressed about something but I didn't know what. He had stormed off after an argument about which TV show to watch, he shouted at me 'I'll just go sit in my room alone and watch what I want! I don't need you here!'. It hurt me a lot, but I didn't show it because I didn't want to be questioned.

I decided to go through and check on Phil, to apologize for taking out my anger on him and make sure he was okay. 'Phil?' I knocked the door, 'Phil, we need to talk. I'm sorry,' still no answer. I opened the door to find Phil lying on his bed, lifeless. His wrists were badly scarred and there was an empty bottle of pills lying next to him on the bed. My whole body shuddered. What was I supposed to do!? I ran over to him and held him in my arms.

'Phil!' I felt a tear roll down my cheek, 'Phil, please wake up! I need you here!'

I grabbed my phone from beside me and called an ambulance. It's too late. He's not going to make it. 'Phil please! I love you! I need you! I can't live without you. Please wake up, I'm in love with you Phil Lester!'

Phil remained lifeless.

~~~~~~

About a month had passed since the incident with Phil. I didn't know exactly how long, as I hadn't been keeping track of days and I also hadn't really left the house. My channel has been inactive for a while and fans were beginning to worry about us but I couldn't bring myself to post that final video. The video that would end it all.

I logged on to twitter and checked my mentions. They were full of questions like, 'Where are you?' and 'are you and Phil okay?'

I didn't want to reply. I wanted to forget everything and disappear. 'I'll have to upload it eventually' I thought to myself. My heart was torn apart, yet I couldn't feel anything at all. I was numb. Completely numb.

Me and Phil weren't just best friends, we were more than that. He knew me better than anyone. All of my annoying habits, how to cheer me up when I was sad, how to tell when I was lying. Phil would know. He fixed all of my stupid mistakes, and made me a better person. He was there for me whenever I needed someone, and defended me, even if I was wrong. Phil was everything I had ever wanted in a man, and I left it too late to tell him. Everything is wrong. We were always Dan and Phil, and now I'm just... Dan. Alone. Being alone is the worst feeling in the word. I would rather be dead than alone. I should have told him how perfect he was before it was too late. This is all my fault. I deserve to be alone.

I watched all of the Amazing Dans and Phil Is Not On Fires and it was the first time I had smiled in weeks. The memories hurt but they were the only thing keeping me alive. I was running out of memories to relive.

I looked up, 'don't worry Phil, I'll be with you soon' I whispered, clutching Lion in my arms. I took one last look around the apartment, and sat down at my desk to record the Goodbye Video.

'To everybody that it may concern, I love you all so much.

You may or may not know, that Phil passed away last month, and I can't live without him.

I'm sorry I had to do this, but it's my only way to escape from the pain I have caused you all.'

I didn't realise I was crying until I felt the tears streaming down my neck, soaking my shirt. I could feel a lump rising at the back of my throat, but I continued talking.

'Don't be too upset. We'll miss you all so much, and we wouldn't want any of you to be sad because of us. All of our videos will stay up, and you can rewatch them anytime you want! Thank you for joing me, danisnotonfire and Amazing Phil on this amazing adventure. We'll see you when it's your time, and no sooner! Goodbye internet.'

I pressed the stop button and the red light went off. 'By the time the video is uploaded I'll be gone. No one can stop me. No one.' The thought was upsetting, yet comforting. I found the blade from Phil's room, lay on my bed and took a deep breath before striking it across my arm multiple times. I could see the guilt pouring out, leaving my body. 'goodbye' I whispered with my last breath.

I felt my heart slowing down, and for the first time in years, I was at peace.