Jesus Did The Succ (Kankri x Meulin Crack Fic)

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 Kankri was sitting in his boring ass hive on like sunday I think. Today he felt like a rebel so he wore a green sweater today and he felt good about himself because he didn't wear that ugly ass red sweater that he knit himself and it was horrible. Porrim made the green one for him. He decided to make coffee with extra creamer and sugar because fuck the police. Lol.

He was sipping on that coffee. Sip sip. He heard a knock on the door and went to answer. It was Meulin. He answered. She has those anime tiddies mmmmmmmmmmMM yeah. He does a notice. She notices the notice.

"MMMMMM Kankri I like your green sweater Meoweewow."

"Thank."

Meulin likes the green sweater. Green is her sexy color and she is always turned on because of her own sweater but she never notices because she is always high as fuck. But this time, it was the perfect green. Just enough.

"MEOW GIMME YOUR DICK"

"Okay"

Then the ritual of foreplay begins, always starting with the sacrifice.

"Who do we sacrifice?" Asked Meulin.

"My pussy."

Meulin grabs the ceremonial crystal meth out of her cat vagina and puts it in her pipe of mystery.

"Dear Troll Satan, let this be a good sex."

Meulin lights the pipe and sticks it in Kankri's pussy so it can smoke the good shit. It's birthday cake flavored.

"Never gonna give you up never gonna let you down..." Kankri's pussy sings. The ritual sacrifice is working. It is time for the sex.

Meulin pulls out her 17 inch dick and takes the sombrero off so she can forget about condoms. Fuck the police. Again. It's okay though because Kankri takes birth control.

Meulin's clothes magically turn into snakes who scamper away to order a pizza for the when they finish. Good snakes. Kankri's clothes turn into God himself who leaves. Bad God.

Jesus comes down from the heavens to bestow the mystical lucky charms unto Meulin. Meulin puts them in Kankri's ass and then fucks him. While singing hymns in German. It's a good sex.

Jesus leaves before things get steamy. Mist and fog and smoke pour into the room through the cracks in the walls and covers their vision but they don't need to see to contract the heavenly diseases. By diseases I mean the nut.

"I'm gonna bust a nut." Whispers Meulin into Kankri's eyeball.

"Ok fam."

She throws the convenient fruit bowl against the wall and it shatters, and she does the nutty nut. She then puts a bowl under Kankri's ass and then the bowl is complete, milk, cereal, and a strange cosmic substance no one can explain exactly but seems to be some kind of angry gelatinous moose consciousness. They share the bowl of cereal. Nutrition. Haha. Nut-trition. Got em. Meulin dies and reincarnates back into her body and Kankri slithers back up to his room. Meulin leaves and then does the sex with everyone. But all of those other times it was Raisin Bran, no one is as special enough as Kankri to get the lucky charms.