Need you

Sliped away

I got home grime work early today, I put the keys in the bowl my house seemed quiet almost to quiet. I brushed it off thinking my daughter was asleep. So I headed up to her room and she was lying on her bed so peacefully, I didn't want to wake her up, but she needed to know I was home. I shook her a little bit, no movement shook her some more, still no movement. I shook her harder and harder till I gave up. I saw a note in one hand the other with an empty bottle of sleeping pills along with a giant bottle of vodka. I grabbed my phone quickly dialing 911. "911 what's your emergency?" "Hello yes my name is Lee-Kai Datashie, and my daughter Kichōna Hana swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills and vodka!" "Hold on ma'am were sending a ambulance right now were do you live?" "20th st ct est blue house address 4536 Oakland park." "Ok ma'am an ambulance has been sent, there on their way now just calm down and breath, in out in out" while I was getting breathing lessons from this lady the paramedics took my daughter and started pounding on her heart and blowing air into her mouth, there was no heart beat nothing. She was dead there was nothing they could do it was pointless pumping her stomach if there was no heart
beat. My baby girl is dead my only child is dead. She's my world. How can someone I carried for nine months, went through two hours of intense painful labor, raised for 17 years kill her self like that I don't get it? Did I do something wrong I may not have been here all that often but that's because I had two jobs to pay for clothes, food etc. Why? And just how could she do this? She knew I loved her that's why I'm not at work right but at her funeral crying my eyes out. The priest called me up to say a few words, " I am still in shock at how she could just kill herself and think the pain will be over, it is for her but it brought a new one to me. Kichōna Hana never looked depressed not for a second, so why? Why did she do this!?! I don't know and I may never know she left a note behind but I can't bring myself to read it." I looked at the coffin and said,"sweetie I love you, I hope you know that, I also hope you are in a better place and that everything I did was to give you the best childhood I could give you. I love you" I closed my eyes a walked to my seat. After we buried her it was time to go. That night I stayed in bed crying myself to sleep, when I finally did sleep I had a dream of Kichōna Hana in heaven playing with all the other children. She looked towards me and said, "I love you mom and all that you did for me I'll see you soon, but not to soon. Love you!!" I woke up and smiled because my daughter is now in a happy safe place.

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