Battle Scars

A Start;2

I got up, walking over to the sink, splashing water over my face. Its midnight. I'm awake. I'm depressed. God..this is why I need help. Living like this is difficult...trapped...isolated.

I left the bathroom, turning out all the lights, heading to my room upstairs. I wouldn't say my room was that great. It had a few posters. Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Twenty One Pilots, Falling In Reverse and Escape The Fate. Honestly, it's the only music I listen to. I had a laptop but it was only used for playing music. I sit on my bed, looking at the ceiling. 'Today Will Be A Better Day :)'. It's meant to be something nice to wake up to but I hardly ever sleep. The thought of losing hours by sleeping scares me. I want to make good use of it. And by doing that, I mean listening to bands on repeat is the best way.

When I listen to music, I like to reflect on what happened today. I do that by looking at my wrists. Scars leave memories. The memories of battles you lost. People say you can make it and defeat it, but honestly, for me that's bullshit. You can't just get over it and win. I find it difficult to do that. People make it sound so easy but the truth of it, it's difficult as hell. And when you have nobody to support you, its even worse. I have no friends and it doesn't bother me. I'd rather have no friends then fake ones. It's hard to find somebody who will stand by you in tough times. The only thing that does for me is blades and these bands on my wall. I do get counciling and she's the only person I have. Actually I lie. Her and Daniel. Daniel is my best friend...suicidal as well. He listens to the same bands and shit, thats why we are so close. Honestly, I wish me and Dylan were more than best friends but..I doubt he feels the same way.

God..life is so hard.

Two posts in the same day! If you like this, I'd recommend sharing it to a friend ;) Trying to make Lynnette as relatable to real girls as I can haha. Lyy x