Ana

Chapter One

The Christmas holidays were coming to an abrupt end, and it had been three days since I made my New Year's resolution. School started tomorrow, and I was beginning to feel very anxious about returning to school. I had done anything but exercise over winter break, and with all the dinners and parties, I had really packed on the pounds. My mum refused to buy scales as she believed your weight was 'just a number', but it was obvious I was at least half a stone heavier. The thought of gaining this much over mere weeks sickened me, and although I knew such an activity would upset me, I decided I needed to 'assess the damage'. As I walked over to the full-length mirror that was attached to my wardrobe across my bedroom, I could feel the fat on me jiggle with every step. This was not a good sign. When I reached my mirror, I began to criticize the girl staring back at me. My 'bingo-wings' spilled out of my short-sleeved top, while my thighs squished into each other, leaving no space for the gap I so desired. And then came my stomach. It was rounder than ever at the front, while my love-handles poured out the sides of my jeans. I was horrified, humiliated. Every inch of me was fat. I was fat. I hated myself so much. How could I do this to my body?

I sighed one last time at my grotesque body and opened my wardrobe. I figured I might as well choose what I would wear tomorrow while I was here, so I could sleep for longer tomorrow. I decided I needed to wear a lot of black. Black is a slimming colour.

"No colour could make be look slimmer. Oh God, how will I face school tomorrow? I got bullied for being overweight before; now look at me. It's going to be ten times worse on Monday. And Tuesday...Wednesday...Thursday...Friday...why can't I just be skinny?"

I began to tear up with these thoughts so I got back on track and looked through my clothes. Before long I had picked out a pair of black jeans and a black top with a dark grey oversized hoodie. Hopefully this would make me look less like a whale - hopefully.

After I had folded up my chosen outfit I checked my phone. No messages as usual. To be fair who would want to speak to me? I don't blame them - if I could avoid me I would too. I could smell dinner being cooked downstairs, so in an attempt to waste time I browsed through Tumblr and Instagram.

"Cathy, dear! Dinner's ready!"

I immediately charged downstairs. My stomach was growling, and it felt like it had been says since I ate, even though it had only been a few hours. As part of my resolution, I tried to cut out snacking, and even though most attempts were unsuccessful, today I had managed and I hadn't eaten since lunch. Looking down at my plate, I saw a mountain of spaghetti bolognese - my favourite! I shovelled the pasta and meat sauce into my mouth, barely even tasting it, and when my plate was empty I ran off to the kitchen to grab seconds. Before I realised what I was doing, I'd swallowed that down too.

"I don't think you should eat that much."

I turned to look at my Dad. He was right. I looked down at my bloated stomach.

"Why did I eat that much? Do I want to gain more weight? I'm such a failure."

I tried to push these thoughts out of my head but they just wouldn't budge. I felt sick. I had so little will-power. No wonder I'm fat. I need to change.