I Kissed You Back

Chapter Nine

As I walked away from him, the world seemed to dull just a little bit. He was everything to me, and now I was losing everything. I understood where he was coming from, but still...he was choosing Linda over his son. Over me.

I wanted to forget him.

I had been trying for the past four years, but he was a constant whisper in the back of my mind, haunting my dreams and taking up my thoughts when I wasn't working.

Love was a terrible thing.

I knew that I would end up having my heart ripped to shreds by this man, but I didn't want to give up on him. He was like the first ray of sunshine that peeks out from behind the clouds after a storm. The storm that was my life. Now he was gone, and everything was dark and gloomy again. My son was the only thing that helped me get up and go to work.

Everything was a constant reminder of what I could've had. I loved him so much. Why couldn't he love me more that money? Why couldn't I love him more than my pride?

My conscience screamed these questions everyday.

Life moved on, everything blurred together. The details were almost instantly forgotten. In the back of my mind, I registered that I was being a terrible mother. Everyday I had to send Emerson to daycare from 8am to 9pm. I almost never saw him, and always missed his little. I just couldn't look at him without being painfully reminded of Maddox, of what I couldn't have. 

Brin had moved out. She was living with Reston, barely ever having time to call anymore. I wouldn't have answered anyways. She had abandoned me in my time of need. I couldn't help but feel slightly bitter toward the fact that after I had helped her through her pregnancy, she had just up and left, living her fairytale life with Reston. Did no one care about my ending? When did everything become so complicated?

And when did I start caring?

Ever since Remington Maddox and came and ruined my life, that's when.

"Mommy, everyone has a daddy," said Emerson one day, "Where's my daddy?"

"Oh, sweetie," I sighed, exhausted from work, "We'll talk about this later, okay?"

"Oh, um, okay," he looked down, tears blurring his eyes. He quietly hobbled away, his shaggy blond hair flopping adorably behind him. It needed a trim.

I was too tired to care.

I flopped onto my bed, tearing off my heels, not even bothering to take off my work attire. Work had been especially rough today. Customers were constantly complaining, and the new employees were always fucking everything up. I felt the familiar tears seeping out of my eyes onto the pillow. It had been like this for the past few months, just crying my eyes out, falling asleep to the sound of my own sobs.

**

**

**

One day, I found a birthday card in Emerson's bookbag. A birthday card.

Shit. 

It was his birthday.

And I had forgotten. Had it really been a whole other year?

A shame like nothing I had ever felt overwhelmed me. I had forgotten my son's birthday. He was already asleep, so I quickly went down to the local toy store to grab something. He was turning five. I needed to think about what he had been asking for lately.

In the very back of my mind, I remembered him looking asking me for the box of legos from that new Batman vs. Superman movie. They were selling them at about 80 dollars a set, so I had refused. And...he didn't push me further. He just nodded. He had grown out of his brattiness way too quickly. Maybe it was because I was always ignoring him...