If I Could Write A Letter

Nita

Hey Fangs,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all the trouble I've ever caused.
I'm sorry I isolated myself, hid away for so long.
I guess...
I guess it was an in the moment decision?
I guess I did it out of a bitter scorn?
I don't know....
I was angry. I was hurt, tired, confused. My heart, my very being, felt torn in two.
I just wanted to be home...
Yet I couldn't....
I guess I was in denial....

No matter the reason, I see now it wasn't the right choice.

And I don't know how to make it up to you...

Or anyone for that matter.
You've all changed so much.... I suppose o have too. Never was such a recluse as I am now... at least not that I recall...

There's so much I need to tell you...that I haven't for a very long time.
You know I never did like having my hair in my face? I still don't. Only there to hide the scar. I'll make a long story short. Couldn't get along with this guy. There was a duel.... He didn't live...

And about the bandages.......
No I don't keep constantly hurting myself.
No they aren't just for show.
They're not there for a lot of the reasons everyone keeps thinking.

But, yes, I am hiding something.

Long ago after the-.....

...the "Trail of Tears" as it's called.... I was admittedly caught by one of the... settlers...

I'm sorry I don't think I can stand to go into detail, but he branded me.
Kept me tied there saying I was his property now since I refused to leave. Until one of his friends hauled me off to join the rest of my tribe in Oklahoma...

It's still there. The mark... And I'll be honest, every time I see its reflection I feel a great hate and disgust of myself... (And him too...)

I feels a though I do not belong to stand equal with my brothers and sisters. Or you.

I suppose that is why I hid away....
I don't feel I am any longer worthy to hold the title 'warrior'. Not after being defeated and re-caught six times in a row....
To let that happen... All of it.......... What kind of warrior am I?....

I'm sorry but I don't feel worthy to be called your son, brother, or tribe...

I'm sorry that I disappoint....
That I failed you...

-Bear