The Camping Trip

01 | tomboy

tomboy // a girl who exhibits characteristics or behaviors considered typical of a boy, including wearing masculine clothing and engaging in games and activities that are physical in nature and are considered in many cultures to be unfeminine or the domain of boys.

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I was born on September 24, 1930. I am sixteen years old, and still hadn't found out what was wrong with being different.
Everyone in the world has labels: the pretty, the ugly. The smart, the dumb. The list goes on and on. But there is two labels we are going to be focusing on: the tomboy and the girl.
This is how i've learned to live: you embrace yourself for who you are; but that quote is hard to live by when no one else is okay with your true self.
It's hard to wake up and think: another day of hating myself. Another day of my mother trying to make me lady like and screaming when I don't 'behave'. Another day of my father trying to enroll me in sports because he thinks that I am exactly like a boy. Another day of being Emily Cavelline.

I wake up to mother's ugly screeching. "Emily!" I hear her yell from the kitchen. "Get changed!"
I lazily get up, and walk over to my dresser. My mother set my clothes for me today: a blue dress, a pearl necklace, and blue flats. A note on the top of the clothes reads: wearing your hair in a bun would look lovely!
I wear everything but leave my hair down; I never really liked styling my hair. Right now, short hair is trending, and I refuse to cut my hair. My hair is at about the middle of my rib cage, and my mother keeps eagerly asking me if I would like to cut my hair, but I ignore her, and she leaves me alone. She knows if she makes me do something I don't want to do, I'll run away again.
      I go downstairs and my mom asks me sternly,"Did I not put that paper on your dresser, Emily?"
      "You said that it would look lovely, not that I had to put my hair in a bun." I reply.
      She sighs,"Eat your breakfast,"
      I have been called a tomboy most of my life. The thing is, if you are good at physical things, does that really make you a tomboy?
      I think thoughts like these a lot. I never understood why I was good at physical activity, and not mental, all of my family was mentally successful. Was I adopted? Has my mother not told me about a relative who was physically successful? Did they avoid that topic because they didn't want me to end up physically strong, and become mentally strong?
I once told my mother that I wouldn't change because God made me who I am. She sighed, shook her head, and said strictly,"You are the one who made your personality. God is the one who made you a woman. Now, do God a favor and be a girl! That is, if there even is a God."
      Mother never liked that I was different. She tries to change me, but I never budge. I believe that God made us and our personality, not just one or another. My family judges me and my strong love for God, but I ignore their rude comments. I once told them at dinner that I get to believe what I want, and they can too. Father replied saying,"Fine, you believe what you want, and we will believe what we believe!" Mother eyes darted at me like bullets,"No Daniel, she is living under our roof, and has to follow our orders! From now on, you are an atheist. And if you disobey our rules, I will, with no doubt kick you out of this home. Do you understand?" Margaret, my six year old sister, stared at my mom with terror in her eyes; my mom was very scary when she was mad.
      After that night, you would think I would follow her rules, and get rid of my bible, but I didn't. Instead, I hid it in the back of my closet.
      Every night, after everyone in the house fell asleep, I would turn my lamp on, get my bible out, and read. I would find the events and stories so interesting. When I was done, I would hide my bible, and before turning my lamp off, would pray the same prayer every night:

      Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I pray for everyone I know. The girls at the school who pick on me, my friends, my family, Margret, Father, and Mother, especially. Lord, please help them realize that you exist, and let them learn from their mistakes, and hopefully, become christians. Thank you, Lord. We pray this in your most powerful name. Amen.
     
      Then I would turn my lamp off and eventually go to sleep.

      I have prayed that same prayer for two years now. I've been doing that everyday.

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      I finish my breakfast and walk outside. My mother and father yell from inside,"Have a good day!" And I always respond with,"You too!"
      My parents take Margaret to school very early, because hers starts at 8 a.m. Mine starts at 9 a.m.
      I walk to school because my school is close enough. Right now, it is April in London and it is pretty cold. I shiver even though I am wearing a jacket.
      I eventually get to school and move on to my class. I take a seat next to my friend, Catherine. "Hello," I say, taking a seat. "How were you over the weekend?"
      "Great," She replies smiling. "And you?"
      "It was good," I say. "But it had been cold lately."
      "Yes, it has!" She agrees.
"I do not understand how it can go from 75 degrees to 38 degrees in a matter of a day!"
"Yes, I agree!" She says examining my outfit. "You know, Emily, your hair would look good in a bun!"
      "What a coincidence," I say, shocked. "That's exactly what my mom said!"
      We giggle and class starts.

In the middle of language arts, I zone out and think, am I really a tomboy? I don't dress like a boy, and, hopefully, don't act like one. So why? I'm not-
"Mrs. Cavelline," I hear Mr. Dressler say, eyebrows raised. I start worrying and ask quietly,"What was the question?"
"I asked if you may close the window."
Oh. I stand up and say,"Okay," and with one quick movement, slam the window. The men sit still and the girls, including Catherine, make a little screeching sound in response. I never understand why when there is a loud noise, girls always cover their ears or make a sound. I've learned that if you get used to it, loud noises won't bother you that much anymore.
      Now I just found out another reason why I'm considered a tomboy: I am immune to loud noises.
After a few minutes we are dismissed. Everyone stands up and I get my books and leave the room.

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NEW BOOK AWWWWWWW SNAP.

SO MANY NEW IDEAS ARE COMING TO MY HEAD SO IM MAKING LIKE SEVENTEEN BOOKS RN LOL

and i'm also super sorry if my chapters are short, I'M TRYING TO MAKE THEM BIGGER, GIVE ME TIME.

love you all,

- krys