Your Fast Car

Chapter 1 : Gone with the wind

Mommy kneeled down in front of me and put her hands on either side of my head. She had tears streaming down her face as she kissed my forehead, lingering there a moment before wiping her tears and forcing a smile. "You know mommy loves you and Rosie very much, don't you?" she asked me, her voice sounding wobbly. I nodded my head and held teddy tighter to me. "Good", she smiles, "but you know with grown-ups, things aren't the same. Daddy and I used to love each other very much. But the daddy started hurting mommy and you don't hurt people you love. So now mommy has to go and I can't take you and Rosie with you", she said quietly through her tears.

I could feel my own tears brimming my eyes and pouring down my cheeks. "Hey, hush baby girl. Don't cry. You've got to be brave and strong like I know you can be okay. For me and for Rosie. You're a big sister and she'll need you now more than ever. Can you do that for me?" she asked. I just nodded my head. "That's my big girl", she said soothingly and stroked my hair away from my face. She got up and picked up the one small bag she had before walking out the door and ran into the waiting taxi. I ran to the window and looked out as my mother raced down the street. My tears blurring my vision so much I could barely make out the car. The door closed behind her with a soft thud. "Bye bye mommy", I whispered as I pressed my little hand against the glass.

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I woke up with a start, drenched in my own sweat. Great, the flashbacks were back again. I looked over at my calendar. May 18th . The day my mother left and never looked back. I could feel the tears threatening to pour down my cheeks but pulled myself together, I was stronger than that, or at least that's what I told myself.

I got up and went to shower, it was 6 o'clock already and if I didn't hurry Rosie would be late to school and I wouldn't make it to my daytime job. I got in the shower and used the last remaining drop of shampoo, damn now Rosie wouldn't be able to wash. I cursed myself for not realising sooner. Once I had finished I got out and towel dried my hair, letting it fall down my back in its natural thick blond waves.

I put on my black jeans and a loose knit sweater that my mom left in the closet. it was washed out and had holes in it and a couple stains, but it was hers and if I really concentrated I could still smell the scent of her perfume lingering in the fabric. I absentmindedly tugged at a loose strand of wool that had unravelled from the jumper as my mind wandered off to that special place no one could drag me back from. Rosie would never have any memories of her, she'd been cheated out of the one thing all children were entitled to, unconditional and absolute love only a parent could provide. not like our... I didn't even know what to call him... technically he's our father... well he was since he drowned himself in a bottle of whisky after mom left. after that, he never was the same. i couldn't really call him dad because a real parent puts their children before their own selfish needs and after my mom left when he had a 8 year old and a baby girl who was only a couple month old, he drank himself to sleep everyday instead or telling them everything was going to be okay instead of raising his children. so at the age of 8 i learnt to feed, burp and change a baby because my father couldn't even remember his own name most night. even a 8- year old child could recognise that he wasn't a fit parent, so i never did understand why no one else ever said anything.

once my day dream was over, I went to wake up Rosie, the reason I hadn't left like my mother had 10 years ago. I smiled down lovingly at my 10-year-old sister. She was more like my daughter really, considering that I had raised her, I feed her, help her with homework taught her to read and write. "Rosie, it's time to wake up sweetie", I said quietly to wake her. She rolled over and looked up at me with her blond halo of hair and huge baby blue eyes. She blinked sleepily and rubbed her eyes as she got out of bed.

I felt terrible having to pull her out of bed at this time in the morning, but I didn't have a choice. I wanted- no needed- her to go to school, in the hopes that she will have a chance of escaping this lifestyle. She deserves so much better and I'd rather die than see her stuck here. she deserved the best of everything and I hated myself for barely providing the essentials she needed. but my angle never did complain, I think she understood much more than she let on. the school she went to was in town a half-hour walk from the flat we lived in. it wasn't the best school but it would get her into high school and later on hopeful college. it was the closest and without a car that meant more than one could imagen.

The morning went by in a blur; my movements have become more and more mechanical every day. I looked into the window of one of the shops on the high street and examined by appearance. I was tall with long blond hair and blue eyes that were almost too big for my face. I had the hourglass shape so many women desired. I despised how breakable and vulnerable I looked, with bones showing through my ribcage, my hipbones, and collarbones. my rumbling stomach reminded me that I needed to eat, but after rent, Rosie's school fees and her food and the college fund that I was slowly building up for her there wasn't much left over for me. I'd rather go hungry that touch the mason jar of money that was Rosies future.

I shook my head and headed to 'Katie's' which was a family owned cafe that always seemed busy no , matter the weather, season or day. I was so grateful that Katie had a friend in school who lived in our block of flats. her friends mom Aimee was great; I remember when we first moved in how helpful she had been with Rosie. She had four kids of her own, so her offering to take care of Rosie as well was extremely generous but I don't know what I would have done without her. she did everything she could for us, she took Rosie home from school with her kids, helped her with her homework if she needed it, let her take a bath, gave her lunch and dinner and even made her up a bed if I was running later than usual or had a particular;y late shift. I despised making Rosie go through all of this chaos at such a young age, but it was necessary. I was doing this for us. I was going to break free...

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