I turned away, I cant believe she doesnt know, she doesnt even notice... I feel bad and once again I try to gather the guts to tell her. She moves slowly towards me, cries and hugs me. I freezed.I smiled and said "nothing ma, its just nothing. Dont worry for me, okay?" Then she turned around and saw my clock "uh oh" I thought. She grunted loudly and said sarcastically "C'mon, hurry. You dont wanna miss school again, do you?" she looked at me inquisitively as I shocked my head. Though I would love skipping school again I already skipped like 15 times only on this period, so my attendance was necessary. She turned and leave shutting my door. I stared at it like forever.
With my brand new shitty uniform (ugh, i hate my school uniforms) I combed my hair into a messy bun. I looked at the mirror and though "You lucky pig. How did you get a boyfriend?" I thought of my boyfriend and smiled, he's the sweetest guy on earth... even when he's mad! He's so sweet and caring and worries way too much about me. I remember last night we got into a fight "Babe, you've got to tell your mom" he said imploringly. I cried and answer sarcastically "What the heck am I supposed to say? "Um, mom... may I go to the movies with Will? Oh and by the way I've been throwing up for 4 months now. But yeah, see you later." or what?" He rolled his eyes but I saw the way I just said what was happening upset him. He flinched when he saw that I was dead serious. I hugged him tight. "I wont ever let you hurt yourself" he said softly.
My mom yelled and that brought me back to reality.
I dont know how to tell her that her daughter is dysfunctional, and that all the food she sees me shoving down my throat really ends up in the toilet and that I do care about my weight.
I know the minute she finds out she will feel really guilty, then she'll regret all those "Andrea. Thats too much food" "Andrea, youre so fat" My whole family will feel guilty of what they forced me to become.
