Dear Journal, My Life Is a Mess

Elijah's Death

Saturday, April 16, 1904

I have some exciting news. Elijah has finally found a job as a Tunnel Watchman. He had his first shift yesterday, and to celebrate, he asked my hand in marriage. I was a bit surprised that my father agreed to this, as I am turning 19 years old and Elijah is 21.

My best friend, Margaret, already has the wedding planned out. It will happen at the church on Chestnut Street. The church where I was baptized, along with the 712 other people from White Cloud, Kansas.

There will be flowers at the wedding. Beautiful flowers. I'll be wearing my mother's dress. An S-shaped corset, wide sleeves, and a stunning veiled hat. I can not wait for this wedding.

I prepared him a great dinner when he was working, Elijah loved it.

I just came back from having tea with Margaret, and Elijah is still working.

Sunday, April 17, 1904

I went by Margaret's house this morning for a cup of tea. All was going well, until she started acting weird. We were talking about the wedding, and how I had to change my last name from Forbes to Young. Ruth Young, I think that sounds quite lovely.

She got distracted, I'm not sure what happened. She almost looked frightened. I asked if she was okay, and what was going on. Margaret told me it was nothing, but I didn't believe her. I knew something was up.

She became quiet after that, she's usually such a happy person. Something was different today.

This wasn't the first time it had happened. It happens rarely, but when it does happen, her personality changes. I'm not sure what causes it, but she doesn't seem herself. Her skin becomes cold and pale, and her eyes turn dark.

It usually doesn't last for more than a few hours, so I came home, promising to come back tomorrow.

Monday, April 18, 1904

I went over to Margaret's house, as promised. I was surprised to see her pale as she was yesterday. Trying to ignore it, I started talking about the wedding, something we did often. I think she was more excited than I was for the actual wedding, I was just happy to marry Elijah.

Today was different though. Every time I mentioned the wedding, she would change the subject, or go warm up her tea in the kitchen. Maybe it was coming back to her, her awful marriage.

Margaret got married three years ago, when she was 17. The man she married, George, was very rich. She thought she was in love, but he was just using her to get custody of his children. Sadly, six months later, the children's mother still had full custody, and he gave up.

He released his anger on Margaret, he blamed her for it, when he knew, it was his fault for caring more about work than he did his children. He had no time for them, but he could never let his children's mother be happy.

After being beat up countless times, Margaret moved out, filed for a divorce. The divorce was easy, Margaret wanted nothing he owned, and nothing to do with him. They both went their separate ways.

I understood her. I stopped talking about the wedding, and started talking about Elijah's new job. Once again, she changed the subject. I tried telling her that he hadn't come home yesterday, that he probably got an extra shift. We did need the money. She stood up, and went to the kitchen, saying her tea was getting cold.

I didn't know what was going on. After tea, I went home, and saw no Elijah.

Tuesday, April 19, 1904

I am getting worried, Elijah hasn't come home yet. He might have gotten an extra shift, a late one, and spent the night at a co-worker's house. It would make sense, we don't have a car, and it was quite cold yesterday night.

I'm no going to go at Margaret's house today. I need to clean the kitchen, and the rest of our small house. I don't feel good enough to see anyone today.

I woke up this morning with a horrible stomach ache. I also threw up, I hope I'm not getting the flu. I felt okay for the rest of the day, might just have been something I ate.

I'm starting to feel lonely. I don't know what to do anymore. Margaret has been acting stranger than ever. I'll go check on her tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, April 20, 1904

I don't know where he is. I have no more explanation to where he might be.

I went to Margaret's house today, even though I wasn't feeling well this morning. She still looked pale, cold, and did not talk. I only stayed for an hour, and then I went for a walk.

I was walking down Walnut street, when I saw someone I recognize. I did not know who he was, but had seen him before. He said hello, and when he saw my confused facial expression, he said that he worked with Elijah. James was his name.

I asked James about Elijah, and if he had seen him lately. James had not worked in five days, due to his wife giving birth to a beautiful baby boy, William. He was going back to work on Monday. We talked for a few minutes, then I walked home, to an empty house.

Thursday, April 21, 1904

I did not know what was wrong with me, I am feeling sick every morning. I went to see the town's only doctor, Dr. Carlton. He knew exactly what is going on.

I am pregnant.

This is amazing news, I could not wait to tell Elijah. I came home, he wasn't there. He has been gone for four days. He has left for longer than that in the past, but he always informed me of his absence.

I know nothing. No postcards, I don't know what is going on.

I went by the neighbour's house today. He has a bit more money than I do, and reads the newspaper everyday. I went on his front porch, to ring the bell. I saw a newspaper on the ground, with a name I recognized: Elijah Young.

Elijah is dead.