Partners In Crime

Ray hates the word soulmate.

Sure, he hates other words too; but then again, they each have their own understandable reason attached to them. Like, with drunk comes bad memories and with olives comes the reminder of that one party at Gavin's apartment, where he- whatever, it doesn't matter.

What matters though, is that Ray can never manage to accurately put it into words the real reason why he hates the word soulmate so much- he just does.

But now, with Ryan's question hanging in the air between them and his warm body pressed up against his side, he's forced to at least try and explain himself, lest he sound like an idiot.

He lets the silence sit for a moment, his eyes drifting shut on their own accord as he mulls over his answer. Ryan shuffles beside him slightly and then suddenly he feels the soft press of lips against his shoulder. He opens his eyes to meet Ryan's, who just quirks an eyebrow in response and Ray rolls his eyes.

"It's hard to explain," he mutters, silently cursing himself for his shitty way with words. Ryan huffs out a sigh and Ray wonders if his boyfriend thinks he's acting this way on purpose.

"It's not that big of a deal, Ray. It's just one word, but if you don't like it then I won't use it anymore, yeah?" Ryan replies, lips curling up into a small smile and Ray wants to take the out that's offered. He wants to nod and agree with Ryan, wants to roll over and fall back asleep... but he doesn't.

Because while he hates the word soulmate, Ryan loves it and his boyfriend deserves an explanation.

"No... Ryan, look. I- Fuck, I heard you talking to Gavin, alright. I know you think that I'm your soulmate..."

"Know that you're my soulmate," Ryan corrects and Ray doesn't cringe, you have no proof that he does.

"Yeah, whatever, know that I'm your soulmate, but... I'm really not." He blurts, and then immediately regrets it. The words sound a lot more harsher spoken aloud than what they did in his head and the way that Ryan tenses up by his side makes everything even worse. Every second that he lets tick by in this awkward, hurt silence he's managed to build adds to the hole he's dug himself through his words; and Ray rushes to explain himself.

"Wait- that made me sound like a gigantic asshole- which I am, no arguments there- but, I- that wasn't what I was going for, Rye. I can explain, let me... Let me explain, please." He wants to meet Ryan's gaze, but his boyfriend's eyes are very deliberately avoiding eye contact and Ray knows when he's fucked up.

He swallows around the lump in his throat that is very quickly growing and does his best to explain himself.

"I-I can't be your soulmate, Ryan," he whispers, "because that means I didn't get a choice. That means that you didn't get a choice in this, that this whole relationship is stupidly predetermined by fate and all that shit, and that means that we don't get to pick who we love. I don't want that."

"Ray..."

"No, listen. I chose you, okay. I chose to kiss you- three years ago- when you awkwardly asked me out on our first date. It was all me when I asked you to move in with me, there was no fate; I picked you, not because I had to but because I wanted too. That's why I'm not your soulmate... Does that make sense?" He whispers and he desperately needs Ryan to understand, because the idea of having no control over his own life is terrifying.

"Yeah... yeah, it does." Ryan replies and he slowly moves to lean on his elbows, propping himself up so he can meet Ray's eyes dead on. He hovers there for a moment- completely silent- and Ray doesn't know if it's the intended goal, but it succeeds in making him nervous.

And that really sucks, because he knows that he's an open book when it comes to Ryan. Ever since the first day they met, with his bright, pink sniper rifle slung over his shoulder and a poker face that was meant to give nothing away- Ryan has been able to read his emotions flawlessly.

The asshole had simply- and silently- took one look at him before pointing him in the direction of Geoff's spare bathroom, because he'd somehow knew that Ray had been busting for a piss all morning. A piss that he probably would have held in for another hour or two more, because it wasn't proper etiquette- even if he was a fucking criminal- to use your possible future boss's bathroom in what he assumed was a job interview.

(Sure, Ray knows now that Geoff wouldn't have fucking cared if he'd asked to use the bathroom, since it would have been way more awkward if he'd pissed himself instead. But past Ray was twitchy and overly cautious when it came to the fahc; so very different from current Ray, thankfully)

"I chose you too, Ray." Ryan responds, seriousness laced throughout his words, "I don't do things I don't want to do- you should know that by now- so even if fate had decided that we should be together, I would still make the final call,"

"Yeah, but-"

"I get it, I-I'm not arguing with you, Rose. I just want you to know, that while I do believe that you are my soulmate, it's because we're made for each other; not because fate forced us to be but because we just are."

Ray snorts, dipping his head to press his face into the crook of Ryan's neck, and he mumbles his reply into Ryan's skin. "You're meant to be a hard-assed killer Rye, not a big fucking softie who's gonna end up making me blush. False fucking advertisement, I want my money back."

And Ryan laughs, a full body laugh that Ray can actually feel and its almost hypnotic. It's in moments like these, when he's pressed up against Ryan's body so closely, that he can almost forget who he is.

Ray's not the type of person to regret his past decisions; cause so what if crime happens to be his life- funnily enough, its whats shaped him into everything he is today. His hair constantly smells of gunpowder, theres a permanent ache in his shoulder- a non-refundable gift given to him thanks to the kickback from his sniper rifle- and most days he's more Brownman that Ray, but that's fine.

It's just that, sometimes when he's with Ryan, he can pretend that they're normal. A normal couple, married with a kid, living in a safe neighbourhood where guns and drugs are only plot devices used in movies. But if he were offered that life tomorrow, if Geoff or Jack provided him with a way out of the crew, Ray knows that he wouldn't take it. Because normal is boring and he's not cut out for that way of life.

"Too late, that money is gone. How the fuck do you think I pay for all the food you eat, huh?" Ryan's grin is so huge that Ray can't help but grin back at him, laughing quietly under his breath.

"Fair trade then, I guess," Ray replies and Ryan rolls his eyes. He's tempted to glance over at the clock, but he's too comfortable to move and it doesn't really matter what time it is, Ray knows they're not going to fall asleep yet. Tomorrow is reserved for heist planning and then within a few days it'll be the actual main act.

They're high strung and sleep will come as an order, courtesy of Jack; or else they'll fall asleep during through the heist.

"So... What can I call you if not my soulmate?" Ryan mumbles, and Ray can feel his fingers rubbing circles into the hollow of his back. It distracts him so much that Ryan has to nudge him in order for him to actually remember to answer.

"Big Dick Supreme."

"No."

"Ryan's butthole friend?"

"Ray..."

"Okay, okay... Uh, what about partner in crime?"

Ryan pauses for a moment and Ray knows he has him, since he can practically see the wheels turning inside of his boyfriends head, "Yeah, I like that. You're my partner in crime, literally and figuratively, heh."

"And you're mine. I love you, you giant fucking nerd."