There is to much pain

As the day fades to darkness the pain comes the suicide thoughts come back I think about suicide thoughts everyday I am also a cutter yes I cut every night I take the blade to the bathroom I put arm over the sink and I cut as I cut the pain comes back to me even worse so as it comes I cut deeper as I cut deeper my tears run down my face like a blade and as I cut I think that it makes the pain goes away I tried to change from cutting but I can't no matter what people say I can't Change I will always be a cutter and I will always have suicide thoughts I have tried everything but it doesn't work so I wish people would understand me but they don't so I always be emo and people can't make me change at all