|| amour

001

There was a guy, a guy I fell in love with. He promised me he'd never leave. He promised.
He was my first actual love, my first time, and my first almost husband. We were both broken when we first met. I remember discussing how we both were in cruddy relationships before, laughing and shaking our heads at the thought of it. The more we conversed the more we realized we had much in common. We started to hang out almost every single day, then one day, April 19, 2014, he asked me out. Of course I had said yes, he was everything I was looking for in a guy; intellectual, humorous, handsome and kind.
Our relationship was running smooth, and everything seemed so perfect. We did have our days when we just talked about our feelings and cried on each other's shoulders. To me, those were the best days. Eventually on September 24th, 2015, he asked me to marry him. With tears and glee in my eyes I hugged him and said 'yes'. From then on everything was like a blur. We didn't talk much anymore, he was always so distant away from me. It's like he didn't want me anymore, and every time I would ask him what was wrong, he'd say nothing. I started to get worried. I got really scared. When we went to bed at night, I would always say 'promise?' When he told me that'd he loved me and that he'd never leave me, for as long as he lived. Then one day... It all changed. I never thought he would do such a thing, but he did. He cheated on me.
He got some girl pregnant.
Me, being the dumb fool I am, just let it go. I couldn't lose him, I just couldn't.
Yeah, our trust was gone, but I still loved him. Our relationship was pretty shaky from then on, and then in December, I think it was the 21st. I caught him cheating again. Not only with one girl, but with three. His words no longer mattered. Whatever escaped his lips was a lie to me.
I love you. Lie.
Baby, I didn't mean it. Lie.
Lie. Lie. Lie.

I eventually left him. My heart shattered, my heartbeat faint, my face pale. I didn't go back for my stuff. I never am. I guess this is why I'm so emotionally unstable. With every word.. I cannot believe. You have to gain my trust. You have to prove to me, that you won't leave me.

Can you do that, Future Boyfriend?