he likes me / h.s au

1. live fast, die young baby

I was seventeen, moving close to the end of senior year. I lived in a gated community, but not for 'rich people perks'. mom and I were far from rich. we lived in a small town with average houses, average yards, average cars, and average lives. our community was gated because of a shooting that happened down in my area sophomore year. it was an area shooting, thirty seven people injured; the shooter entered my school and three students from my school were involved. one killed. after that, each community was gated off into sections because the mayor decided it was more, 'safe'. I call it hell, and just as fitting- I was section H. I lived in the middle of the gated neighborhood, and my mom loved it that way.

i was trapped. the kids all get released from the gates at the same time. if you're late, you're pretty much shit out of luck. because the gates don't open for minors until school lets out.

and that's only to get back in.

lucky for me, I had two months until I was an official adult, and no longer have to wait for the gates to open and close, or have my mommy call the gate patrol to let me out to get to the grocery mart.

I would be a free woman.
and that's all I cared about.
--

i pounded off my alarm and groaned. I hate waking up, more than anything in this entire world.

I hopped out of bed, slid into jeans and whatever shoes I found on the ground next to my clothes (which happened to be Keds), and didn't even bother changing out of the shirt I slept in. I knew I was not going to look presentable, but I wasn't exactly 'dressing to impress'. I barely talked, no one even saw me, I wasn't worried about people judging my outfit too harshly.

I combed out my hair the least amount of  times it took to look a little presentable, slabbed on some mascara, and brushed my teeth.

i usually waited until after breakfast to brush my teeth, but this morning I woke up with anxiety and little desire for food, I knew I probably wouldn't even eat half a granola bar.

--
the first two periods of school went by so slow I ended up falling asleep.

I've never been good at the whole 'learning' thing.

I always got extremely anxious before third hour. I knew I would see him. the most popular boy in school, Eddy.

he was everything you could ever want in a man. beautiful green eyes, succulent curly brown hair that flowed perfectly next to his gorgeous jawline, vibrant pink bubblegum lips, gentle enough to butterfly kiss every centimeter of your collar bones. he was everything.

and I was nothing. and he didn't notice me. I liked it like that, though.

and when it came down to it, it was still fun to look at him.

I walked stiff legged out of my second hour lecture.

"when I turn this corner, I may or may not pass out." I thought to myself as I rounded the corner to see Eddy getting things out of his locker and stuffing them in his backpack. they looked like the fruit gummies my mom bought me. i laughed a little mentally. so cute. a grown boy eating fruit gummies. I stalker-watched him as I walked to my class.

no one cared about what my weird ass was doing as I, along with all the other girls in the hallway, gawked, while the oblivious beauty headed to his next class. my heart rate was off the charts just by looking at him. he didn't look at me once but I felt like maybe if I keep walking this route to class everyday we will make eye contact.

maybe.

--
at lunch I decided to change it up. instead of carrot sticks and a juice box, I brought apple slices, water, and a slice of zucchini bread in the school hallways. I slid my headphones in my ears and let Axl Rose take me to Paradise City.

I feel like lunch time at school, perfectly exhibits lunch time in jail. you aren't allowed to leave the premises, but you're allowed to be anywhere on the grounds itself. we're tricked into thinking we have freedom when we really aren't free at all.

sophomore year we were allowed to leave; that is until the shooting. now, God forbid our parents take us out for a meal in 30 minutes time.

I went to put my leftover apple slices in my bag when i realize someone probably kicked it over, cause it was spilling with my school essentials. my notebooks and binders made an academic puddle in the hallway. how embarrassing.

I picked up my things and laid back against the lockers, my back pack sitting up right next to me.

how boring can my life get? the most entertaining part of my day is watching a cute guy stuff gummy snacks into his backpack. cue the self loathing meme-pocalypse that is my life.

my only friend at this point was Pepe The Frog. and that's not even the 'in' frog meme anymore.

--

the bell rang for last period as I trudged to get there, self pity and hatred ran through me. if only I wasn't scared of people and communicating. I can barely say 'hi' without making myself feel stupid for it. I wish I had some real friends. I wish I wasn't like this.

oh, there it goes... my anxiety. look what you started, stupid. why do i do this to myself?

I was almost to my class when a foot swept my foot from under me, tripping me, and crippling my every piece of self confidence I had left, the floor crushed it all as I came in contact with it. my face was all red, the back of my neck hot, there were tears prickling my eyes.

if this is anything like a hot flash, I never want to go through menopause.

the person who tripped me didn't even bother apologizing, and frankly, I didn't blame them.

I got to my feet and sucked in a hard breath. I walked into my class and there's where it struck me. everyone was staring at me, everyone saw.

"are you okay?" someone asked as I walked into the class. I looked in the direction of the voice, and I stood in horror.

Eddy.

I couldn't hold it in anymore, I let the tears fall freely from my eyes.

so much for 'not being seen'.

I walked away from the classroom. I didn't want to make a scene.

I started walking to the nearest bathroom but my arm was suddenly firmly grasped onto.

I turned, ashamed and embarrassed, I looked through tears to see Eddy.

"are you okay?"

obviously, no dumb ass.

"yeah, I'll be fine," my very first words of the day, spoken at 1:42 PM. I've done worse. "thanks." I hiccuped.

"that was a nasty fall." he said quietly.

I nodded, yes it was and it fucking hurt but I just want to cry alone in a bathroom stall where my dream guy can't watch me anymore.

I've never been this embarrassed in my life. I was sweating buckets, my hair was now sticking to my forehead, and my body was shaking.

"where are you going? can I carry your bag?" he lifted an arm at me, trying to reach for my bag.

I shook my head no, "that's okay, thanks though."

I tried to walk away again, but he kept hold on my arm.

"please let me help you."