lotus

Three

12 new messages:
Jay💋: Please talk to me Angel
Evvie
It's not your fault but that doesn't mean it's mine
I miss you
Why won't you even look me in the eye?
Ugh I'm @ your house where are you???
Okay that sounds creepy
Evangeline
If u dont stop leaving me on seen
I love you
I'm on my way to Butchers Park.
Nolan🔨: I'm sorry.
617-555-7802: I know what happened June 23rd too, Evangeline.

What? I think. it's too early for this.
Probably Nolan playing a prank.

I push my thoughts to the back of my head and drop my phone down on the white granite countertop, filling my cup up with coffee. I run a hand through my hair and fiddle with my pink spaghetti strap.
Ever since that day I've only worn tank tops, to show off my tattoo. The one only I know exists. My cousin knows a guy who knows a guy who will tattoo minors for an extra fee, so I got one. In invisible ink. It's two footprints with the name Jackson on a ribbon.

I pour some sugar in my coffee and walk to the sliding door, shutting it softly behind me. I sit on one of the many folding chairs scattered across the porch and stretch out my legs and arms. Too much has been going through my head lately so I went to my grandpa's for the weekend. Twenty seven miles away from Kellings.
I hear the door open behind me, and I whip my head back to find my grandpa with his travel mug in one hand, flowers in the other, grinning down at me from under his red Arlington Farming Services ball cap.

I smile wide at him.
"Aaannnd who would those flowers be for?" I ask with a fake southern accent.
"Welllll only fer my beautiful Lina, of course!" He laughs, with his real southern twang.

I laugh at him and he comes and sits next to me and hands me the pink orchids, his new overalls standing out from his old flannel.

We sit in a comfortable silence before he says,
"Im moving to Pennsylvania, little bird."

It felt like someone yanked my heart down to the bottom of my stomach. My coffee fell to the porch and I felt tears pool in my eyes.

"W-what? What?" I barely whisper to him and he places a comforting hand on my knee.

"Lina, you know there's nothing left for me here but you."

I ignore him as tears fall on my flannel bottoms. He gets up and places a hand on my shoulder before walking back in the house.

My only escape is going to be gone.

-----
Crunch. Thump. Smack.

I feel my body fall as I jog, the same process, up, down, thump, smack. Running has always been calming mechanism for me, relieving stress from school, home, and well things.

Continuing down my usual route, I stop on the dirt when I hear a faint set of voices.

"Yes, I remember that this is her grandpa's Nolan, trust me. We used to come here all the time."

Nolan? And is that-

"Jay if you're lying to me, I swear-"

"I'm not. Just don't hurt her. Remember what happened last time?"

Silence. A rough shoving sound.

"Whatever. Take this and go. And get off of LSD. It's bad."
An irritated sigh.
"Goodbye, Nolan. And wait like fifteen minutes, her grandpa's still here."

"I just want to talk-"

I took off down the road, quietly at first, than booking it like my life depended on it. The small blue barn-like-house came into view and I slowed, breathing heavily.
I saw my grandpa driving the tractor down the field and knew he wasnt an option.

I walked to my red truck and tugged on the rusting silver handle, climbing in quickly and fumbling for my phone.
Three missed calls from: Jay💋
Scrolling until my grandpa, I called him and his southern voice booming through the speakers.
"Yes, little bir-"
"Gramps, you gotta get out of there or something, Nolan's on his way and he's gonna be there soon."
"Where are you?"
"I'm on my way to Jay's."
"I thought you were-"
"Yes we are, Gramps, but I need to talk to her, just, ugh. Call one of the boys down or go to McDonald's, I'll be back soon. I love you."
"I love you too."

I didn't even bother to dial Jays number, I would be pulling into her driveway in a second anyway

I tapped anxiously on the wheel, turning into the all too familiar Hollis Drive, my blood hot in my veins.

I hopped down and slammed the door, running a hand across my face. I knocked roughly at the door, knowing only Jay was here.
BECAUSE IM TELLING YOU THE TRUTH, IM OKAY, TRUST ME.

Played faintly from her bedroom.
I waited a few moments before I open the door and slam it, marching on the dirty carpet past her calico cat, right up the stairs. I grabbed a hold of her gold door handle when I realized how unready I really was. I took a deep breath and thought, mess with me. But don't fuck with my grandpa.

And pushed in the door.

Jay was by her desk, and she stopped the music immediately.
She turned and I saw her eyes soften at the sight of me, and she stood, black sweat pants and all.

"Oh hey-"

"No! You don't get to talk! What the actual fuck, Jay?!" I screamed, hoping my nerves didn't show.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion before I took a step over to her and punched her square in the jaw, just like my grandpa tought me.

"So now you're on LSD?! And telling Nolan- NOLAN of all people WHERE MY GRANDPA LIVES? Fuck you! Put me in danger bitch, but not my fucking grandpa, whos practically my dad! And fuck- do you not remember-" I felt tears build up and held them back. "J-jackson, of all people?" I asked, voice cracking. "I-"
   "E-Evvie p-please he just wanted to talk and i-i want to fix things. What happened is done and o-over with." She cried, whether from the pain or being found out, I don't know.

I laughed humorlessly, still feeling tears burn behind my eyes.
  "Over with?" I asked quietly, my eyes trained on her blue ones. "You weren't the one forced on the ground, Jay. You weren't the one who's childhood friend betrayed them. You weren't the who had their virginity ripped away from them. So next time I hear you say "it's done and over with." Think of Jackson, you selfish bitch."

She stood there stunned as I walked out and slammed the door behind me.