TRIGGER WARNING!! - you've been warned.
11:46 a.m – november 16th 2015
numbers
they tell you from the beginning of your education in school that numbers are everywhere you can't escape them. you learn in school that numbers have a meaning. they can represent objects or people, and many more things, but for madison numbers only mean one thing. numbers mean everything to her. especially the number on the scale. those numbers are the numbers that mean the most to her.
the ones she revolves her whole life around.
the ones that determine her value.
the ones that determine her worth.
but little does she know that those are the numbers that are slowly killing her inside.
the ones slowly rotting her body
the ones that are controlling her to the point of no return.
maddie jolts up all of a sudden from a deep train of thought. her mind half battling a war between her conscious and the voices and the other half sitting inside her third period english class.
english has always been something maddie enjoyed. it was where she learned one her biggest passions; writing. she felt as if writing could wash away all her fears and block out the outside world. it was her distraction from the pain, her distraction from the worries.
but as always, it didn't last because as the years passed, things got worse. the hole maddie had tried for so long to dig herself out of grew deeper and sucked her back down to square one. and as all that happened maddie gave up on writing and took up destructive behaviors and along those were bulimia and self mutilation.
english class today consists on summarizing novels, and deciphering the mood, tone, and key points. as usual maddie had already finished the classwork assignments and started dooling in her journal. while finishing up her drawing of what looks like an lopsided elephant, she couldn't but help feel the unsettling feeling your being watched. she looked up to find that the boy in the seat directly in front of her was turned around and staring at her.
"take a picture, it lasts longer." she says while putting her head back down to continue drawing in her book.
the boy behind her lets out a small chuckle. "if i wanted a picture i would've already taken it". he adds in rebuttal to the girl in front of him. he waits for a moment to see if he would get a response but the girl in front of him is frozen still. he starts to think he hurt her feelings, and in reply to those thoughts he swiftly adds in a quick apology.
"if you're really sorry you'd stop staring at me", the girl says, but in all actuality maddie doesn't care that he's staring. it's who's staring that's bothering her. the boy. the boy is luke.
luke hemmings: the boy with the golden blonde hair and crystal blue eyes, but also the boy with the long list of exes and a novel of scary breakup stories to back it up. but he is also the boy staring at maddie, showing interest. when you'd think he'd be the last to.
"look what do you want", maddie blurts out. she's starting to get frustrated and others are starting to notice the unlikely two chattering in the back corner of the classroom.
"i just want to talk to you, yanno", he says "you seem really cool and i've always felt bad that we've always sat near each other and never spoke".
"well i'm not your little pity party, and we have free seating. if you felt so bad you could've just moved". maddie's not falling for it. she wants no one's sympathy. she doesn't need anyone's sympathy.
"but what if i want to sit here, next to you?" he adds. maddie stops and lets this sink in. the fact that someone would actually want to be near her. ever since the situation with her sister happened, she came to the conclusion that she was unlikeable. unpleasing to be the human eye and a disgrace to society.
by the time maddie looked up to reply, the boy had already turned around. and as she was once again alone with her thoughts. alone as usual.
12: 35 a.m – november 16th 2015
it was 12:35 and time for lunch.
lunch: the most excruciating and stressful time in maddie's day. it wasn't like home where she could easily skip a meal due to her mom's lack of awareness. but here at school it was very different. there are people. people who are watching. people who notice little things here and there, but maddie has her ways. multiple excuses in order to leave the lunchroom and let out all her demons, into the toilet of course.
as she enters the lunchroom, she slips into the flow of hungry, hungry, hungry teens rushing to get the oddly good, but disgusting looking food. everyday maddie feels out of place in this line. all the kids surrounding her are hungry, hungry, hungry, but maddie's not. she empty, empty, empty and wants to stay that way. but people can see, they can notice patterns, so maddie never let's them see. she never lets them notice.
when maddie finally reaches the counter, she grabs a plastic bowl and starts to throw leaves, tomatoes, and croutons into it creating a slightly messy sight. she tops it off with fat free dressing.
this is is the second part about lunch.
seating selections
who do you sit with? where do you sit? is anyone watching you? is there an easy exit to the bathroom?
this is what the everlasting war in maddie's head has lead to. but she can't help it. she can't help the voices in her head controlling her. controlling her every move, and every thought.
at a normal glance, maddie looks perfectly fine. looks like a normal high school teenager looking for a seat, some eyes here and there look as she sits at a deserted table at the far back of the room near the side exit of the cafe.
end of chapter three!
afterword;
okay okay. I'm back. I know your probably like yeah right try again! but i'm serious! ❤️️ i will update every week! 😝
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being perfect ↝ mnz fanfiction
Teen Fictionmadison is what everyone at willow point high school defines as perfect. she's skinny as a twig, has the face of a goddess and the brains of a genius. but what everyone really wants to know is how does she stay that way?
