and i fell。yoonseok

the day he fell

The sky looked so dull as rain tapped down on the pavement. The streets bustled with working shoes trying to find their destinations among this huge crowd early in the morning. The glitchy traffic lights seemed to be the cause of the crowd on a Monday morning, and as the workers try their best to find a solution, the morning moved forward nonetheless. The buildings stood together, as if to defend humanity against an unknown, but it was the opposite; if the earth ever decides to faint and shake, it would be these assembly of tall structures that would lose balance and shatter.

The thick, winter breeze blew gently around the people of Seoul, making the women's hair dance and coats flying for a moment before dying down, only to come back in life and gushing at their faces to make them pause and sneeze. Winter is almost ending, but somehow, it grips tightly; it doesn't want to let go yet. Or, some people doesn't want to let go of the icy grip yet.

Hoseok breathed deeply, eyes closing as he felt his lungs freeze for a mere second, before he could feel warmth pulsing in his veins again. Releasing his breath, he watched as it turned into steams of white, puffy clouds before dissolving within the gentle wind that flew by and tousled his hair. The smell of car smoke invaded his nostrils, and his feet moved when he immediately noticed that the stop light had already turned green.

Mutters and mumbles had managed to defeat the blasting music playing through Hoseok's headphones. Maybe he should've chosen the newly-bought ones he had back at home—the one with the deafening effect to ensure he would have a peaceful day somehow as he travels to work. With his head hanging low, his body moved along with other people that either had phones pressed against the sides of their faces or hands intertwined with their significant other.

He played a little game he used to do when he was a child with his hand secured inside his mother's grasp, making sure he would only step on the white lines. But he played it a little carelessly this time; Hoseok dragged his worn out, green converse across the striped road, still making sure to step on the lines. He set his jaw in slight discomfort from the pressure of his headphones against the sides of his head, and he decided to temporarily bring it down around his neck. However, his heart pounded loudly after hearing a faint, familiar voice just passing by him that made him halt in his tracks at the middle of the street.

It was like a sudden stop of heartbeat when you missed a step in the staircase or kissed someone in impulse.

Strangely, it brought him back to the days when he was sixteen, youthful and loud as he sat in the corner with a certain boy with sharp, almond eyes, who was too engrossed drawing in his notebook during lunch break. He often would ask questions while watching the boy draw gentle circles on his blank paper. The answers he had gotten were short and quick—sometimes an incoherent mumble—and he had always tried his best to listen, to ask again, and to observe at times. 

Hoseok turned his head to the direction where the noises were coming from. A raspy voice yelled loudly before settling into a low whisper, followed by an adorable giggle that had Hoseok frowning.

"Hyung, you think we can make it to the studio even if we're already late?" The unfamiliar voice asked, a hint of amusement mixed with worry. Hoseok could imagine this person by the sound of his voice—maybe a sunflower in the midst of roses.

"I don't know," answered the raspy voice, but it sounded so soft that it reminded Hoseok of brown eyes and a warm smile on a sleepy morning. "This is all your fault, anyways."

A person bumped into him slightly, and Hoseok's ducked his head, muttering out an apology quickly. Hoseok considered turning around and proceeding to walk, before he could even make any contact with the owner of those voices and hurry up before the stop light turns red, but the world seemed to stop rotating and the air was lost in his lungs again when those sharp, brown eyes met his.

Hoseok was angry at himself when his breath hitched and the heavy weight on his heart came back. Every muscle in his body refused to move, and despite the people cursing at him lowly for not walking, Hoseok maintained his ground, tried not to shake and fall apart.

The sky seemed to take pity on Hoseok, because it rained harder, almost like it was sympathizing with him. The people around him muttered strings of incoherent words that didn't quite reach his ears.

Hoseok heaved a shuddering breath.

Yoongi was the name of the storm that made Hoseok's ocean go wild and at the same time—calm and still, despite the hurricanes and big waves occurring around them. Yoongi was the name that was carved on the corner of Hoseok's bedroom, leaving the words so you'll always remember that I'm here across Hoseok's lips and carving it within his heart.

It was the same Yoongi who drank coffee with him at seven in the morning at their favorite coffee shop while sitting in silence, hands touching on the table and exchanging glances at each other. Their secrets were buried in the words messily and carefully written on the tissue napkins that they left behind, and if somebody ever—perhaps a worker of that shop—stumbled upon it, then he hoped that their message got across.

("What do you want to write?" Yoongi had asked, his pen twirling between his fingers, eyes soft and breath smelling like cinnamon.

Warmth had blossomed inside Hoseok's chest, he always knew that Yoongi liked to write. "Our story. How we met, y'know.")

Hoseok had wholly surrendered his world to that person; he showed his weaknesses and his ugly truths, hoping that he would do the same, but it seemed like Yoongi was not planning to do that when one night fell upon them and the words I'm sorry had left Yoongi's lips. 

They were a story to be told—a great adventurous travel across the world with heads held up high and names proudly written across their foreheads. They were the sun and moon that collided because fate had taken a liking upon them, only to be separated because Hoseok thought he was the only sun that shone Yoongi's world. It turns out that Hoseok was just the sun living in Mars, a lonely world full of fire, and he wasn't the sun that Yoongi's earth revolved to. Yoongi's sun was in the form of an eye smile, orange hair, and puffy cheeks—opposite of what everything that consisted of Jung Hoseok.

What a shame, someone inside his mind told him as what he thought were rain drops blurred his vision. You were destined to meet each other.

A smile formed in Hoseok's lips—one that Yoongi noticed. There was a surprised expression on his face, and Hoseok inhaled the tears of the rain, waving at Yoongi's direction. Yoongi waved hesitantly, and his companion seemed to be confused at the situation. Hoseok turned his back, feeling the chains on his feet getting heavier each steps he took, but he fought through it. He doesn't want to go back, even if his heart wanted to.

The buildings shrunk down, and Hoseok pulled his headphones back up, music blasting loudly from before. He walked away from the person who washed all his insecurities with one embrace; from the person who treated him like he was the world; from the person who told him that he was beautiful the night Hoseok wasn't.

He walked away from the memory of Min Yoongi looking deep into his soul, before it could even swallow him back.

A shame it is, he thinks as he finally reached the other street, the stop light turning red and cars started running. He swore he could feel those eyes staring holes at the back of his head, but he held his head high while becoming one with the crowd. The sky finally stopped weeping and a rainbow painted the sky while the heavy weight on Hoseok's heart rolled away.

Min Yoongi was now a memory; one that Hoseok will hold onto until his last breath but wouldn't definitely go back to.

He let out a breathy, broken laugh. But we weren't destined to fall in love with each other.