Project: Pseudocide

Chapter 1 - Death???

"Death"  A word? A subject? An activity? This interrogated my brain for years and years. I always wonder how will death occur to me. Will it give me an open arm and hug me tight, tighter than anybody had ever hugged me? Will it hit me with a frantic pang? Some people are so skeptical about this matter. They thought that death occurs inevitably in a human or in any other living. It made sense though, yet, my instinct says that death is made. Not by God, but by YOU... Scary right? Now, you thought you could kill yourself anytime. I became so cynical before. I once decided that death is inevitable, like what my peers and parents said. But then things changed a month ago. On this tiny room of four corners. On this room I can call myself ALONE. On this tiny room as a perk of my greatest failure. On this room because of my greatest mistake...

I hear a ticking sound each time I slide the screen of my phone. Pictures. Pictures. All I am staring at are pictures. Pictures of what I have left behind. Pictures of my friends, my family, the ones I loved. Watching these images are a pain, not in the eyes, but in the heart. I left them worried. I left them hysterical. I left them when I was angry. The decision that I have made were, presumably, haunting me. Haunting me for the fact that I died. Died in an immoral way. Died with anger. 

Yes. I am dead. But I am alive. No one knows I am alive. That I am still breathing. They thought I died, and I made them thought that way. I decided to fake my death a month ago. What made me feel that way? That, you should know. 

I recalled the day when I thought I was full. When I thought I was the happiest person. I made a lot of friends at school. And I made best friends. Best friends a could call my own. Best friends I could be crazy with. I was happy. Real happy. 

Pine trees. They were all that I see from the car window. We were moving fast paced to our destination. The music joins with the mood. Relaxed. Unharmed. Everyone inside the car were dancing, clapping, head-banging. My crazy friends. It has never been awkward for us to call ourselves CRAZY. Inside the car there was yelling. A crazy yell. A happy yell. And I joined the rumble. Marcus turned the speaker up and we turned our craziness even harder. More head-banging. More yelling. More clapping. More craziness. More happiness. We found ourselves dancing like how the pine trees danced with air on the side of the road. 

 "Just like fire, burning out the way
If I can light the world up for just one day
Watch this madness, colorful charade
No one can be just like me any way "

Again and again we're screaming these words inside the car. Then suddenly. I found death coming my way. An inevitable death. The death I once believed. 

Just as we were enjoying our jam, an uncontrollable truck as on the same lane. It was following us, but on a faster pace. No one stopped singing, only me. They did not foresee that something's going to happen. I found that truck mysterious. I thought it was going to hit the rear of our car. 

"Marcus drive faster!"  I yelled. Everybody was startled. I have never yelled at Marcus that way. 

"Dude, could you just chill out?" He was angry. I feel it from his tone. His eyebrows were crossed in a not-so-typical manner. He was clinching the steering wheels harder. I was afraid; for the truck nearly hitting us and for Marcus. He made a face like he's about to blow up. Our pace was faster, and the truck was meters away from us. I let out a sigh. A sigh of comfort for we coped our way from a sensing death. 

"Didn't you feel like the truck is about to hit us?"  I screamed. At the same time, I hear the car roar. It roars for Marcus. He was angry, and I was sorry I made him feel that way. Faster and faster the car goes. I feel like we'll run out of gas. 

"Marcus, please just slow down."  Amyra's tone was soft and calm. He was tapping Marcus' shoulder to calm him, then looked at me and made a face saying 

"What were you thinking and you yelled at him?" 

"The truck. It was about to hit us, but all of you were unconscious that we're about to die."  I said.

"Die? You're thinking too much Chris." Marcus made a sarcastic grin. That is my disease. Yes. I call it a disease. Over-thinking things. Over-thinking scenarios. But I was sure the truck was a sensing death. I was sure about it but no one believed. Then, I decided to change my perception and foresee a better side. I foresee the bliss. I foresee our destination. I said sorry to Marcus and he was calm. The happiness was back inside the car. But I still have that feeling. A feeling of an incoming death. I forced myself to smile. Ten minutes... Twenty minutes... Thirty minutes... There were lots of talking and singing inside. More head-banging and clapping. But then I hear the roar from the truck. It was a loud roar that caught everyone's attention. The truck became more mysterious than it was minutes ago. It was moving on a zigzag, hopping from lanes to lanes. The wheels screech and smoke from the tension of the hot road. And it is making our way on us; uncontrollable. Jeopardy. Mayhem. Death. I thought. 

Without any demand, Marcus turned the pace fast. But the truck was moving faster. Ten meters... Five meters... A sensing problem. A death is approaching. I clinched my jaw and  my fist. Until the truck passed us and continued to make a zigzag, leaving black zigzag scars on the road. Then everything was black and white. The truck blocked the road and we found ourselves unsteady. Looking for another way through it, but there was none. Marcus stepped on the brakes swiftly but it was too late. we found the truck flat; laid on the road like a dead dog. It was upside down. And yes, we're about to hit an upside-down truck. We are about to hit its rear. 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!"

An explosion of car and trucks and material. An explosion of bodies. Bodies flat on the ground. Blood oozing their way out into each other's corpse. Death. It occurs to me in an inevitable way. But wait. I gasp for air. I am still breathing. I am still alive, and so were my friends. There was no death. There was no inevitable death. If only I could feel my legs, yet I can't. I can't feel them, but I know I am alive. 

Then there's black.