beats of my heart

Prologue

{unedited}

note: guys this my first novel ever so pls forgive me if this chapter contains any mistakes

Marissa's POV

There is no hope for me left... now everything has gone down the drain.I don't know why I am even standing here torturing myself with what my eyes are seeing. I don't think that my life could be more worse than it has already been. From my hiding place behind the car I can see Luke and Jess clearly. He has one of his hands on her waist and is devouring her mouth. I see how she is enjoying his hands all over her . I can feel my heart being crushed into a million pieces and my world shattering around me. This cant be happening, he cannot cheat,  I try to convince myself but my heart cannot ignore what it is seeing. I exhale a shuddering breath, wipe away my tears and dash out of the dark corner i had been hiding in, before anyone can see me like this. Outside the parking a cool November breeze hits my face drying away the remaining tears away . I cannot break I tell myself as I jog along the sidewalk. The shock has started withering away now and in its place there is numbness a cold feeling inside my heart which is spreading like fire all over my body. I run... run fast until I don't feel my legs beneath me until its difficult to breath till my lungs are on fire and and everything starts becoming a blur. At last when my body can take it no more I come to a stop. My lungs welcome a sweet gulp of oxygen and I stand there for god knows how long catching my breath. Suddenly the reality hits me with full force and I can take it no more, so I collapse on the hard rocky pavement. I close my eyes and take few calming breathes and recollect myself. I push myself to my feet,  blinking back the tears and take a look at my surroundings carefully. I must be at the backstreets of the neighborhood of Tony's house. Well I came here in search of my boyfriend but instead found a cheater. The streets are empty and cold like my heart feels at the moment. I hug myself tightly and realize how cold I am. I inhale a deep breath and start towards Tony's house. But I change my mind  before I reach the front porch I cannot face him right now not like this I decide and instead turn my back on the whole situation and start strolling towards my house. I take out my phone from my pocket and start dialing my brother's number so that he can come and pick me up but stuff my phone back when I recall that he was going to stay at his girlfriend's tonight.

I sigh and decide to travel on my feet instead. My house is just six blocks away from the party so It took only fifteen minutes for me to get there. The night is cold and dark but the sky is clear with a light breeze slithering its way through the now barren and empty streets.Now after my head has cleared a bit I feel a little relaxed and not too on the edge. I make my way sluggishly towards home, as I dread staying alone tonight. Tonight if I stay alone inside than probably my somber thoughts will eat me alive and soon I will be trapped in the dark abyss of self pity of my sorrowful life.Mostly when people are upset they likely find someone to give them the sympathy ,support them and be by their sides while they cry their guts out. But in my case the scenario is totally different cause when I am upset I just like to be alone and love to be with my thoughts instead of some friendly companion to listen to me. I am not the kind of person who loves to have a grand pity party when they are heartbroken and love to cry their eyes out after having a breakup. It is the total opposite for me instead of crying my guts out I just love to be myself and spent a week with my ultimate love... music. Its my ultimate companion my soulmate , my life and cure to my every heartbreak. It makes me alive and when I am singing I lose my heart and soul into it and forget everything else. Its freedom to me like soaring high above in the sky while still feeling like I am falling down swiftly with each second each beat each stroke of guitar and each word. I cannot define the feeling even in million words but still in one word music. It sways my mood and takes me away from every ugly feeling until its just me and my tune, nothing else to worry about or bother with. Its my coping mechanism and an addiction which I can never overcome.