It all started when I was walking to my car when I noticed my pants were on fire. I turned to my friend and said, "I think were going to need an oven and fast." He grabbed me with his soggy fingers and said.. "Snap out of it, bruh." Then he proceeded to chant and walk in circles around me.
I looked down, My pants were still on fire, but by this time it had spread to my uterus and three other ligaments. I was getting pretty agitated that no one seemed to care about my third degree burns, or my soon imminent death, but I went along with his plan still hoping he'd manage to save me from this voo-du witchcraft.
After I came out of my trance from the fire I noticed that I was now in the kitchen of my grandma's house baking a cake.
I screamed "WHAT THE F***?"
My Grandma ran in and slapped the s*** outta me for cursing. Then she proceeded to say, "I swear if you talk like that 5 more times, I'll beat the living s*** outta you." I was quite confused as to what was going on and what I did to deserve this true life mad lib. I just stood there in silence with a look of uttermost confusion.. and I stared at the women who had once been a kind sweet old lady, who wouldn't even kill a baby piglet. Now she had turned into this vicious beast of a monster with veins protruding from her neck like a porcupines quills on a hot, midsummer day.
She gasped, and then with the blink of an eye turned back into the sweet old lady I had once known. "Would you like some cookies, dear?" she asked in a innocent tone "Uhmm Yes, grandma." I replied cautiously. As she went to retrieve the cookies, I was planning my escape. Looking around pondering what unimaginable thing would happen next if I stayed. As my grandma neared the corner with her plate of cookies, I ran to the door as fast as my burning legs would take me. The pants had of course dissipated by now. In my underwear, with very hairy legs I might add, I rushed out the door.
As I made my silent escape I heard grandma yell, "You forgot your cookies dear" Although I was far I have ears of a majestic eagle, and could hear her humble voice grow into a deep growl. But, little did old grandmother know, I didn't give a s*** about those cookies. As I ran I thought about my previous life and how this whole day had been more interesting than my whole entire life on earth had.. I began to ponder if this was karma kicking my a** for just sitting on the laptop all day? Browsing the interweb not doing a thing the idjit of "teachers" tell me?
When I decided to stop and catch my breath, I wiped the sweat from my face and looked up to see what else this new world had to offer. Far off in the distance I could see a huge building, maybe a hotel or some sort of jail. I wasn't too sure... but I marked that location off my list, the last thing I needed was to go to a jail and get killed by a bunch of molesters and whatnot.. I mean hell, my pants are gone. Don't want them getting any ideas.
I decided to turn to my left and see what my next choice would be. It has to be better than what the last one. I hold my hand out in two L shapes. "Ahh! This one!" I say to myself. For I don't know my lefts and rights. There were flying cantaloupes, rainbows and songs of happiness near by. I mean I was a little frightened by the flying fruit but I'll take this any day over prison inmates.
I skipped closer and closer to the festivities, singing "We're Off to See the Wizard" just when I had arrived I seen all my friends I had made up were holding hands and singing Kumbayah around the camp ice...Yes, indeed it was a giant block of ice situated on 17 wood logs (I counted)... I felt much more comforted here than I did at my grandmas. I took a deep breath of relief and dodged a cantaloupe. I thought maybe, just maybe, this day is getting better. I joined hands and with Germany, Tokyo, and and even Chyna (R.I.P)
I began to sing with everyone else, but as soon as I belched out my voice changed to an annoying high pitched squeal.. Similar to ringing in your ears. Not that this was worse than my original singing voice, but it was still annoying. Everyone turned toward me and gave me the death stare and I knew I had screwed up once again, like usual. They all walked in slow-mo towards me saying the same familiar chant I had heard earlier, before anyone could reach me I awoke in a frantic sweaty rush in my bed.
My legs were no longer on fire and I felt slightly normal again. I noticed that my mom, a preacher, and several other family members were standing around me sobbing and chanting. I asked. "What's going on?" They then informed me that I had been possessed by a spirit named Robert Conagram, that he liked to make people crazy by making there dreams seem similar to real life, only completely insane. They told me that I had been very lucky to be through such a traumatic experience and live to tell about it, without needing to be put in a psychotic institution. I turned to the preacher and said. "I am a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
Thats when they knew I was a goner.
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Heylo Peoples,
Hope you guys like this first part. I started writing this in ELA but it blossomed into this amazing...uhm thing..? XD. Anyway, the next 'part' will come out, I don't know, maybe on Saturday? It took forever in ELA and "forever" right now while I'm supposed to be cleaning my room. Oh well, if you have any character suggestion comment them. Because you guys love this. I know you do. You happen to have a hunger for the weird and crazy.
LOVE YA GUYZZZ,
Bella.
