"Di- did you just make a reference after a tragic, tragic event.?" The doctors asked, face in shock. I scratched the back of my head out of nervousness. "Uhm yah," I agreed, "Its an amazing reference" At that time my grandmother walked in. She reached toward me. I flinched to her touch, remembering my- uhh- possession. "Oh dearie, you poor thing. Let me get you some snacks." My stomach growled at the thought. Yumm, fooodddd. I thought to myself.
As my grandma walked in with a plate of cookies I recognized something. Those were the same cookies from my dream. Just under her turtle neck was veins popping out so much. "Oh dearieeee" She said, low growl slowly returning, "You forgot your cookies." An evil glare crossed her face. I looked to the right to see that my family all had the same evil glare on their faces. "WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON?!" I demanded
"What did I tell you, stupid girl?" shouted grandmother.
I flinched at her words, my real grandma would never say that to me. Ever.
She gasped yet again. I look of hurt swarmed over the anger that had once been in her eyes. "Whats the matter dear?" she said in a soft voice. "I-I- I have to go. Goodbye grandma..." See you never I thought to myself. I look down, checking for everything.
Jacket? Check
Money? Check...not that I will be needing it in this place.
Pants? Erm. No check.
As I walked outside cantaloupes flew everywhere. Dodging them one after another I came across this group. I hope they aren't Kumbya-ers'. They were wearing dark robes and circling around something. They chanted the same thing over and over again. "Touch the Butt, Touch the Butt, Touch the Butt. As I made my was through the cult members I saw what was in the middle. A odd-shaped, non-even butt. What- What is this?? Is this a cult...worshipping a...butt? Again realizing I had no pants I took one of the robes. One of them mistook me for one of them.
"Sister- whats your name? I don't think I've seen you around here." He ducks, dodging a cantaloupe. "My name is Coco." I quickly give him a alias. My real name is actually Susan. But how boring is that "Sister Coco, are you new I haven't heard about you in these parts." I answer with some BS excuse and he, luckily, believes me. "My name is Brother Alan." He brings me over to the others, who are snacking and drinking Nicki Manaj's Booty Juice. "This is Brother Alan, Brother Alan, Brother Alan, Brother Alan, and- can you guess who this one is?" "Hmm, maybe Brother Alan..?" I suggest in a sarcastic tone. "No. This is Sister Alena."
A hole instead of a pole I guess. Questioning my existence and wondering what I'm doing there I close my eyes for a minute. When I open my eyes there is my friend again. He is still holding me with his soggy fingers, chanting. "Freddie," I ask seriously "Were gonna need an oven. And fast." He agrees with me by subtly nodding his head up and down.
"You remember that thing we did with the goat and the turkey?" He asked as we were searching for an oven. I laughed, "Yeah, that was amaz-balls." Since you are obviously wondering what happened there, I will tell you.
I once asked him "If you were a goat, would you hide your turkey in an open field?". He answered "No, it would be to hard to find. I'd hide it in a lagoon." All of a sudden, Bob the PieMaster comes running out screaming "SASSAFRASS!!! SASSAFRASS!! BEWARE OF THE JINGLE CAGE SASSAFRASS!!!" But you see, Bob is awfully stupid, so we just put on our chocolate earmuffs on him.
As we headed for Camelot. Half-way there, El Chupacabra jumps out of a blueberry orange grove with a bottle of ketchup. I pull out a bottle of mustard from my portable cocoanut and hand it to him. He stares at it, then pours them both on my friend and attempts to eat him! I continue to walk to Camelot. In the corner of my eye I can just see the outline of Darth Vader's flying pegicorn. When out of nowhere, a giant cube-shaped eskimo plummets out of the sky and falls on me. I die. El Chupacabra laughs, and Bob pops out of his magic space portal, waves his fist in the air, and says "I TOLD YOU TO BEWARE OF THE SASSAFRASS!!!" But I eventually got resurrected.
We are laughing uncontrollably at the memory. "Wait a minute," I thought "Darth Vader and his pegicorn always carry a magical oven!!! As I told Freddie of my magical idea I slipped on a banana. Right then and there Freddie got stabbed in the back. As he turned around he couldn't find his attacker. He spinned and spinned until he was wearing a ballerina outfit. His attacker was just below him, but he never looked down. His attacker, I had seen this dwarf man before. AHA!! I remembered, his name was Minnie. He was a male stripper. I knew it.
Minne the Male Stripper had stabbed Freddie in the back. Should I kill him, or should I not? Eh, I guess I'll kill him. I stepped on the tiny man stripper. His guts now on my shoes I took them off. Freddie thanked me, but he was still gushing out blood from his back. He looked at me seriously. "I guess I got stabbed in the back..." I laughed so hard I peed myself. At that time tried to wipe Minnie the Male Strippers guts off my shoes.
"Darnit," I say in a defeated tone, "I got guts ALL over my new shoessss." I keep whining and whining. Freddie gets fed up so he hits me with a rubber band. "OUCHIESSS" I exclaim. "I'm sorry," he begins, "but you are so f****** annoying. Like seriously. Are we ever going to find this oven." I stopped listing, tuning him out of my head cause he is an annoying little twat...
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I will go faster on the next "chapter" :D
-Bella
