(The Song used is called Say Something by A Great Big World Video on the side)
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one if you want me to
John stood at his friends grave. Molly and Mrs. Hudson were returning to the car. John need to say something or really anything he could manage to say. He hated being here at this moment in front of his best friend/flatmates grave. He hated that his...well friend was dead and there was nothing he could do about it. Sure he saw a lot of death in the war but this seemed different.
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
"Sherlock just don't be dead..please don't be need. I need you not to be dead because I can't..." He took a breathe to make him calm down and mostly not cry. This hurt by this therapist said this would help. Of course John thought that it wouldn't but now he just need something.
I'm feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
When he joined the Army he knew that there would be death. People die every die but nothing really prepares you at all, at the horrors he seen. He saw his best friends, he saw fathers, mothers, sister, brothers die in front of him. He saw so much death and pain. That then he was shot in the arm...he didn't now what to do. How to act, when he went through what he went through. How to go back to life.
His nightmares, the pain ended when he met him. He felt something and he didn't know what. He felt at home at 221Baker Street. His phantom pain was gone and he didn't use the cane because of him. Because of him he learned to move on..but not he was dead. Now he felt nothing besides the pain.
I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
He was getting back to normal. Well whatever normal can be with Sherlock. He had friends, Sherlock, Lestrade, Molly and Mrs. Hudson and he met Mary thanks to Molly who was a wonderful person. He felt at home, safe and felt like this new start had helped him. Finally no more war, or pain just living. There was hope..and now it was gone. It was like something was taken away from him so quickly and it seemed like nothing was left.
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
"Can you just text or do something. Just stop this Sherlock because I know this is not the way you want to go. You can't just leave everyone and die Sherlock. You know this.. so please just come back. I refuse to believe your dead Sherlock" he Kneeled down. The Pain in his leg to much. He didn't know if it was his leg or just everything really. It seemed to hit him.. all the years of fighting for something..crashing down on him like bag of bricks and there was nothing he could do about it.
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
"There are 5 stages of grief" said the therapist. He knew the five stages:
1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.
She asked me where I was, and I asked her what she thought. She said I was in between the 1st and 2nd one. I wanted to tell her she was wrong because Sherlock could be dead...but than he was wasn't he? So here I was at Denial. I knew i could accept that he was gone and maybe after this I could. I could try to move on, I owe that to Molly, Lestrade, and Mrs. Hudson. Maybe even Mary, I had to move on but I couldn't.
I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
"It's Time to say Goodbye John, you know the truth he's not coming back" she said the last time she saw him which was couple days ago. She wanted to talk to him every week to check on how he was doing. Maybe she was right. This was it, and there was nothing he could do. He got up took a breath and looked at the grave.
"You... you told me once that you weren't a hero. Umm, there were times I didn't even think you were human. But let me tell you this, you were the best man, the most human... human being that I've ever known, and no-one will ever convince me that you told me a lie, so there. I was so alone, and I owe you so much. But, please, there's just one more thing, one more thing, one more miracle, Sherlock, for me. Don't be... dead. Would you do that just for me? Just stop it. Stop this" he whispered. He looked one last time at the grave. He raised his hand to his head, saluting his friend. Than limped back to the car not looking back.
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
A very alive and well, Sherlock stood a safe distance from where his friend was. He felt pain, not kind of pain meds could help but something that couldn't be fix really. His friend was in need, Mrs. Hudson didn't look while and Molly wouldn't stop crying. Even Lestrade wasn't happy. He didn't know it would affect them like this..well Lestrade really.
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
But he had to have it like this because his friends were in danger. John, Molly, Mrs. Hudson, and Lestrade were safe at least till now. He would find the men who worked for Moriarty and kill them if he had too. He wished he could just show up to his friends saying he was alive and everything was okay. But it wasn't, they could still be in danger and it was for the best that he stayed away at least for now.
Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something...
He took a breath and walked away from where his friend was. Each step was difficult but he needed to do this. He looked back, hiding behind the tree and saw the car that had everyone in it.
"I'm Sorry" he whispered and with that he took of through group of trees not looking back.
If Only He could Say Something.
