Today

I open my eyes to see the fan centered into the ceiling. I look to my left to see it’s six in the morning. Today’s the day. I slowly got up and turned the alarm off. I shuffled over to my bathroom and turned on the lights. My eyes slowly adjusted as I saw an outline similar to my frame, my eyes, a pair of almonds’ shaped green kaleidoscopes speckled with a brown, stared back at me. I jumped in the shower in effort to wake up. By the time I got out, I could smell bacon from downstairs. I pulled on a red plaid shirt, dark blue jeans, and black Vans. I quickly gelled up my short, milk chocolate hair and hurried downstairs and saw my mom scurrying  around the kitchen. I sat in my normal spot that I sat in everyday, but today it was different. My mom didn’t notice my presence as I scarfed down two eggs and three pieces of bacon. She turned and jumped at the sight of me.
“Tyler, you scared me half to death,” she said as her hand rested on her beating heart.
“Only half?” I asked.
She laughed, “Today is a busy day. You have to be at school early for the newspaper meeting, then you have school. You said that you have an Art Club meeting after school, right?”
I shook my head, “No tonight it’s stage crew, tomorrow is art club.”
She looked at the dry erase board next to the fridge, “I just can’t keep all these clubs straight.” Her finger traced down the list written in black expo marker and then it landed on the words my eyes had been glaring at for minutes. “Oh, that’s right, I have to give you money for tickets to the dance.” She rushed over to her purse near the front door.  “How much are they?” She asked.
I put my fork down, “fifteen dollars each, but I need thirty.”
Her head spun in my direction, “Are you going with someone?” She asked excitedly.
“I don’t know, I’m going to ask them today. If they say no I was just going to give the ticket to one of my friends.”
“Do I get to meet this mystery person?”
“Sure, can they stay for dinner?” I asked as hope filled my eyes.
She sighed and handed me the money, “No your father is having dinner with us tonight. So what’s their name?”
I hesitated and heard the bus stop down the street. I wiped my face off, grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. The bus ride was quiet, as usual. As we made our final turn into the school parking lot the sun made it’s debut. I stepped off the bus and my eyes instantly connected with hers.
Everyday she waited near the second pillar and we walked to first hour together. My stomach twisted into knots with every step I took towards her.  She smiled and I naturally reciprocated it even though I wanted to scream. I didn’t know when I would find the time to talk to her alone. I didn’t know what she would say. We weren’t an exclusive thing, but we were more than friends. I walked her to her first hour class, Algebra. I was about to leave when I heard her voice.
“Tyler are you ok?” she asked.
I froze, “Um, yeah, I mean why wouldn’t I be?” I stumbled on every word possible.
She laughed and placed her hand on my shoulder “You just seem off, but if you’re sure you’re ok I’ll see you at lunch.” Her hand lingered on my shoulder until she slowly pulled it away and walked into her class.
I rushed through the rest of my day, psychology, chemistry, algebra, english, and finally lunch. I waited outside her fourth hour class as she slowly walked out after the rush of other students.
“How were your classes?” I asked.
She smiled, “Okay, at least I don’t have much homework.”
We began walking towards the lunchroom, “So would you be able to hang out after school?” I asked timidly.
“I thought you had stage crew,” She questioned.
“I don’t really want to go today.”
She gave me a concerned look, “What going on? That’s not like you to just skip things you have a commitment to.”
I got more anxious, “I’ll go another time, I need to talk to you though.”
She smiled but I knew she was still concerned, “We’re talking right now.”
I fidgeted in my spot, “No I need to ask you something.”
“Well.” She crossed her arms, “What is it?”
“Do you want to go to the dance with me?” I asked quickly.
She smiled, “Well yes, was that even a question?”
I laughed, “I didn’t know, we never talked about this stuff. I wasn’t sure if we were on the same page.”
“Is that why you’re acting so odd?”
“Yes, and I don’t know if you’ll still want to go after you meet my parents.”
“Tyler, I told you, don’t worry about it. If there’s a problem we’ll work through it.”  She lifted her hand up to my cheek. Calmness radiated through my body. I pulled her hand down and intertwined my fingers with hers as we walked down the now vacant hallway.
At lunch there was no mention of my parents and no mention of us going to the dance together. We were private about our relationship, we were private about most things. That’s just how we learned to survive school. Sometimes she would flash a smile at me and I would attempt to smile back but I felt as though mine reflected that of a lions as their eyes meet their prey. I was too eager to be with her, alone. I wanted to tell everyone that I was with her. That I was finally happy. She would always remind me that we don’t need to add others to the relationship because all we needed was each other. It was no surprise she wanted us to be a secret because her parents didn’t allow her to date, unless they had met the guy and gave them the ok. That wasn’t the case with us though. So we went against their will.
We went up to the table, separately, to get our tickets to homecoming. This years theme was Wonderland. ‘What a year to be mad,’ was the quote. Some might think Harley and I were mad together and that’s what made it fun.
After lunch I tried to rush through my day, study hall, forensic science, and drawing & painting. I was working on a project where we had to focus on a part of the body. I painted a heart. I had been drawing them for a year so I figured it was time to give it colour. To make it come to life. I finished the base coat just before the final bell rang.
I rushed out the door and met Harley near the stairs that led to the bus. She followed behind me onto the bus. We sat in the same seat and let our backpacks sit on our thighs.
She stared at me for a moment until I turned to look at her, “What?” I asked laughing.
“Your hair is getting long.” She said as her fingers traced my colic.
“It's just my bangs, I just buzzed the sides the other day.” I explained.
She laughed as the bus took off. About ten minutes later we arrived at my stop. I got up and slowly took the first step off the bus. I waited for her to get off and grabbed her hand. I stared at the house for a moment and then hesitantly walked up the driveway.
“Mom, this is Harley.” I said as Harley walked through the front door.
“Pleasure to meet you, Harley.” She said turning around from the chicken that was in the oven.
“I’m going to homecoming with her.” I replied
My mom hugged me, “I’m so sorry, did he say no?”
I laughed, “No, no, mom, she’s my girlfriend. I asked her.” I blurted out.
She pulled away quickly. Silence, the thing I feared the most fell upon the room. I could see the gears shifting in her mind as she connected the puzzle pieces.
She took a deep breath, “I told you if you kept up this idea you were going to have to talk to your father about this.”
“Mom--.” I began to explain.
“I don’t want to hear it, we’ve had this conversation before. You are not gay. I can only take so much Tyler, but if you’re father finds out…” She trails off.
“Mom, I understand that dad won’t support my life choice, as you call it. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t show a little support,” I begged.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” She said as if she was concerned.
“Harley’s not going to hurt me, I really like her, please just give her a chance.” I began to beg, I wasn’t ready to go into the darkness of the closet again.
“We aren’t discussing this today.” She turned to Harley, “What do your parents think?”
Harley was taken back, “They don’t know.”
My mom shook her head.
“Maybe I should go.” Harley whispered.
“I think that would be for the best.” My mom agreed.
We got in my car and I began to drive her home.
“I’m sorry if you felt unwelcomed, they aren’t really accepting,” I quickly apologized.
“It’s fine, my parents wouldn’t be either. It just takes time for them to adjust.” She said rubbing my arm.
I pull into her driveway, “I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked.
She smiled, “Of course.” She kissed my cheek and left.
When I got home I saw my dad's car in the driveway. I parked next to him and ran into the house.
“Tyler you’re just in time for dinner,” my mom yelled to me.
I walked into the kitchen and was blasted by the smell of meatloaf and mashed potatoes. My father was in his study so I quietly sat in my chair as my mom went to get him. He walked into the kitchen grabbed his plate and filled it up with a feast. I sat patiently for him to sit down. My mom sat down across from him smiling as he began to eat. He tasted the meatloaf and glared at my mom. Next he tasted the potatoes, and finally the corn. He said nothing and made no noise. He took a sip from his water and cleared his throat.
“Go fill your plates,” he said with a husky voice.
I jumped up and did as he said. We were only allowed to eat after he had tried everything at least once. I grabbed a smaller plate and sat at the table.
The only sound was silverware occasionally hitting the porcelain of the plate and small sips of water taken from our glasses. My dad was in his own world as usual, my mother just played with her food. I inhaled sharply and my mother quickly cleared her throat and began to quietly hum to herself. I went back to eating until my dad looked up from his plate, a rare occasion.
“How was your day Ty?” He asked.
I cleared my throat and looked up, “It was ok, I met this girl. Well, not met really, I’ve known her for a while. Her name is Harley, I’m going to the dance with her.”
My mother stopped eating and humming, she let out a soft giggle, “Yes, they are friends.” She tried to explain.
I cut her off, “No, I like her, a lot. Her and I decided to go together, as a couple.”
My dad wiped his mouth with his napkin as his beard was cleared of most of the crumbs from his meal, “That’s cute honey.” He said.
“So I can go with her.”
He smiled, “Why not? Times are changing.”
“So you aren’t mad?”
He laughed, “I guess not, I’m just disappointed.”
There it is, the guilt trip. I would rather have them be mad than ‘disappointed.’
“Disappointed that I’m myself? That I’m your daughter and not someone else's? That I’m not like a normal girl who likes makeup, pink and most importantly boys? I sat here every night for two years knowing what I was and I had the pleasure to hear your homophobic comments about your coworkers or clients. And still you're the one that gets to be disappointed?”
My mom dropped her fork, “That is enough, you are a lady and I expect you to act like one! Is it not enough we let you have that haircut, the style you have, the way you present yourself?”
I laughed, “Last time I checked my name was Tyler. I’m just trying to act the part.”
“I told you, Tyler is a unisex name!” My mom began to raise her voice.
“Then it’s just a coincidence that dad wanted a boy and got me?” The second it ran off my tongue I regretted it.
My mother was speechless, for once. My dad stood up, “I think that’s enough.”
I grabbed my food and ran up to my bedroom as I heard them yelling at each other. I could make out only a few words like ‘embarrassing,’ ‘church camp,’ and ‘son.’ The dance was tomorrow night and I wasn’t going to let them stop me from going. I hid some makeup I had gotten as a gift many years ago under my bed. I grabbed the spare key to my car and placed it in a pair of boots.
My dad rushed into my room, “You’re grounded for two weeks, I’m taking your car keys, cell phone and you aren’t allowed out of the house other than for school and you are forbidden to have any friends over.”
I handed over my keys, “I need my phone, how will you know when to pick me up from practice?” I asked.
“You aren’t going to practice so don’t worry about it,” he spoke sternly.
I sighed, “You and mom always told me to stick with my commitments and now it just doesn't matter?”
“This is your punishment.”
“For not being straight?” I questioned.
“No for embarrassing me like that.”
“I embarrassed you?” I began to raise my voice.
“I don’t have time for this!” He yelled grabbing my Ipod touch from off my bed. Luckily I had hidden my phone and he wouldn’t notice until I was gone.
I sat there and remembered John, he was a student that attempted to make the LGBT club to support our community and he was shot down by the school. People found out that he was gay and he was hit by a car on his way home from school. Another time, Anna, the only asexual student in the school talked about making a GSA club, she too was denied permission. She started the club anyway it was at her house on Tuesday nights. Three of the most popular boys in school showed up to her surprise. Instead of being there for the meeting they raped her. Our school had a dark history and sadly most of the people who committed these crimes would be released with a fine or community service. Most recently there a girl who came out as gay and went she had to change for gym the girls dunked her head into the toilet because they didn’t want her looking at them while they changed. So it left the question, was it really worth coming out?
I shook my head and went to bed. In a flash I opened my eyes and sunlight climbed its way into my bedroom. I looked over to my clock and rushed out of bed. I opened my closet and pulled out a short white dress with red lace that cascaded down from the strap to them hem. I pulled my black leggings with mesh in the pattern of a skull out of my dresser. I laid them on my bed and pulled out my red converse.
The day was filled with pampering. I painted my nails and adding lace before the clear coat to match the dress. I took a shower and straightened the small amount of hair I had. Finally using the little makeup I had been given throughout the years. An hour later I had transformed. I walked downstairs quietly in effort to avoid my mom. My dad was at work but she could easily be anywhere. I grabbed food and drinks from the fridge and ran back to my room. I looked at what I had in my hands, a bottle of water, strawberries, an apple, and a granola bar. I slowly snacked on the treats as I waited for time to go by. Just one more hour until I needed to leave. I gathered my things near the window and attempted to pull a Ferris Bueller. I gathered pillows under my comforter and attempted to make the room as dark as possible.
I quickly got dressed and attempted not to ruin my hair or makeup. I sprayed myself with perfume as I did in order to not smell like a firefighter. Thankfully my dad had cut down his smoking inside. I grabbed my purse filled with the remaining snacks, money and student id. Then I opened the window and climbed onto the roof that covered the garage that was under my bedroom. I ran to my car once my feet hit the ground. The car sputtered to life as I made my way to her house.
She looked enchanting even though she sprinted and jumped into the car. Her hair was curled and it cascaded onto her shoulders. She was wearing a red and black corset dress with a high low hem. Her high heels added a good two inches to her short height. Her makeup looked as if it had taken days.
“Drive!” She yelled.
I backed out of her driveway, “What’s going on?” I asked.
“They wanted to take pictures and meet you. Not that it’s a bad thing it’s just that they wouldn’t like your gender.”
I laughed as we sped off to the school.
We walked into the gym our fingers intertwined. I felt my palms sweat but hers were cool. Silence overcame the room and only the music echoes throughout it. Eyes turn to meet our hands as people were offended by our relationship. We were the first openly gay couple in the school. I turned to my right and saw Brandon, one of my peers who grew up accused of being gay. He was still in the closet but a big smile spread across his face. I looked at his eyes and saw that he started to cry. As the tear shed down his cheek it revealed a line of concealer and a dark bruise under his eye.
Everyone was still in shock when Harley and I made it to the dance floor. Harley and I began slow dancing when someone finally spoke up, “You don’t belong here!” They yelled.
I let her hands go and turned to see Jacob, the one who spoke what everyone else was thinking, “We have every right to be here.”
“Sure but you don’t need to shove your disgusting habits in our faces.”
“I never asked you to hide your heterosexuality.”
“Well I’m normal, people aren’t disgusted when I kiss my girlfriend.”
“I wasn’t kissing her, but since you asked.” I turned to Harley and kissed her. People gawked at us, some gaged while a few actually vomited. “If you have a problem then talk to admin about it.”
Jacob ran away searching for the nearest staff member.
People moved aside as we made our way to the dance floor. We began to slow dance and slowly other joined. Some people left but we weren’t going to let that ruin our fun. Within an hour a new piece of drama surfaced and people forgot about us. Harley and I thought it was a new chapter for the school. We danced for a few more hours, got our pictures taken, it seemed normal. We had forgotten about Jacob and everything was exciting, new, and fun.
The dance quickly ended and we began walking towards the parking lot holding hands, “Are you scared?” I asked.
She smiled, “No, we made a better environment for our community. Are you?”
I grabbed her hand tighter, “I don’t know. I think it doesn’t matter because I love you.”
Her cheeks turned red as her lips puckered and slowly moved closer. I closed my eyes and our lips brushed against each other. There were footsteps in the distance but they faded quickly. Until Harley was pulled away. I ran after her but they were too fast. He threw her to the ground and started hitting her with a bat. I tackled him to the ground and started punching his face. I was pulled off of him by his friends. They held me still while he punched me twice as hard as I had punched him. My vision blurred and I felt my face hit the cold concrete.
I lifted my head from the concrete only to meet Harley’s eyes. I tried to push myself up when I realized my dress was wet and stained with red. I sat up and looked at my hands to see a dark red covering them. I looked over at Harley. She hadn’t gotten up. I crawled towards her as tears filled my eyes. I felt for a pulse, she wasn’t breathing but she had a faint heartbeat. I tried to perform CPR but I couldn’t stop crying.
“Help, someone please help. She’s dying.” I screamed. Slowly I stood and picked her up. I hurried over to my car as I heard footsteps. I placed her in the passenger side, and closed the door to see them. The people who did this. They had come back to finish me off.
I ran and jumped over the back of my car and quickly turned it on but wasn’t able to lock the doors in time. They ripped open the car door and pulled me out by my hair and arm. I began to sob, “Please, please, I’ll do anything just let me get her to the hospital.”
They didn't say anything.
“Please, she’ll die if you don’t let me drive her--” They kicked me in the stomach. “Please!” I let out a large scream. They continued to kick me, I figured if I just layed there they would get bored but then someone pulled out a baseball bat. It was already stained with blood I let out one last cry and then just darkness.
I open my eyes and see a light centered in the ceiling. The doctors said I’ve been in a coma for two months and that I had severe brain damage, I would need to learn how to use my hands again maybe even learn to walk. I asked them where Harley was but no one is answering me. The silence in the hospital is unbearable. If it weren’t for the machines in the background I would  go crazy.
A week later Harley’s parents came to meet me. They stepped through the door hesitantly with a beautiful bleeding heart, the flower.
“Are you Tyler?” Her mother asked.
I smiled, “Yes, you must be Mr. and Mrs. Grazia. Is Harley with you?”
Mr. Grazia placed the flower on the window ledge and met Mrs. Grazia at the edge of my bed. He cleared his throat, “Harley is in critical condition. They sense little brain activity. They said she is doing better but it will be a long time till she wakes. If she wakes.”
I closed my eyes and tears escaped my eyes and traced down my jaw line. “I’m sorry, if I hadn’t asked her to the dance none of this would’ve happened.”
Mrs. Grazia sat and held my hand, “Do not blame yourself. Harley was always a stubborn girl. You gave her the strength to be herself. To risk everything. She knew what could have happened. It’s a shame that it did.”
“You aren’t going to freak out?”
She laughed, “What that my daughter is in love with such a nice girl?”
“That she’s gay,” I said quickly as the term rolled off my tongue.
“It was a shock, but I knew she was still my daughter. Her father over there took a little convincing. He grew up in a very conservative household. She has every right to be who she wants to be as your peers.”
“Were they arrested?” I asked.
“Sadly no, they couldn’t get a description, and the police think you won’t remember.”
“How could I forget? There were four of them and the ringleader was Jacob.”
“We will call the police so you can tell them.” She gave me a soft smile and left the room.
Mr. Grazia leaned forward, “She mentioned a Tyler. I just never figured it would be a girl.”
I smiled, “I get that a lot. I’m glad I was able to finally meet you and your wife, I just wish they were on better circumstances.”
A police officer walked into the room, “So what did they look like?” He asked.
My mind swirled as I began to relive what had happened. All I could think about was if I hadn’t been gay we wouldn’t be teased, harassed, hurt. Brandon might not have the word gay carved into his arm. John might be alive. Anna was right, homophobia kills. The most important thing I think of  is that  Harley would be living and breathing on her own, she wouldn’t be half machine.  Homophobia is gay.