I miss you.

the viewing.

Everyone's coming in and out, visiting each family member and giving them their condolences. I'm sitting on a couch with my mom and sister. My face is buried behind a pillow. I can't stop crying. Everyone's saying sorry but it's not their fault he's gone. I go to his casket and look at him one last time. The one and only last time I will ever get to actually look at his face, so I try to remember every single one of his facial features. I take off the blue bracelet I'm wearing and put it in his casket.

I return to everyone and take my spot again. Then I see his pastor walk into the door. His name was Clay. He brought his son with him. He immediately comes to me and says that he's sorry. I'm too busy pouring all of my tears into the pillow I'm hugging to say thank you so my mom does it for me. He leaves so quickly and it confuses me as to why. Why didn't he stay longer and try to give me some advice on how to not be mad at God for taking him away from me when I needed him the most. 

I get out of my hole in the couch and look around. His best friend Cody, Cody's wife Lauren, and their one year old Carson just walked in. I run over to Cody and hug him. "I miss him." I say in his ear. "I miss him too kiddo." he says back to me. I hug Lauren and Carson, and then go back to my hole. They join my mom and I. 

For the rest of the night we talk about all of the good memories we've had with him. We talk about all of the cool things he did. I'm going to miss him so much. There are going to be times where I'm going to need him. I guess I'll just have to rely on my mom from now on.

~

After everything is done, we leave. Now it's time to prepare for the funeral. Today was the last day that I'll ever get to see his face.