Beau is my name. If I were to describe myself simply I would probably say dispirited. Many people will call me depressed but I refuse to put myself under that category regardless of what my classmates, teachers, parents or doctors may say. The word depression is used too freely these days, even just a slight feeling of sadness some will consider as depression. I believe this is a load of rubbish, but I won’t judge an individual on their view, they can have their opinions and I’ll have mine. When asked to write down my personal qualities in Psychology class today the first thing that came to mind was stubborn. I know I can be stubborn. Stubborn to accept someone else’s help, stubborn to change, stubborn to do anything different in my life even though all I want is to have a different life. Confusing. I don’t understand myself sometimes, it seems as if I am purposely trying to mess up my thoughts so they make no sense to me but its a bad habit that I’ve grown to accept. Though not understanding my thoughts would be the last thing I want.
The teacher walks around the class, taking slow small steps to ensure that everyone had finished their small list of qualities. She clasped her hands together letting a loud clap escape the intertwined fingers. “I want each student to share one thing they wrote down with the class,” Ms. Poppet said enthusiastically.
Crap.
I looked down at my lined paper and read each word that was written neatly on top of the blue lines. The last thing I wanted to do was share with the class these qualities that I wish I didn’t possess. As I listened to my over confident class mates tell each other about their perfect personalities, I sat at my desk waiting for my turn.
Ms. Poppet turned to me smiling. I cleared my throat and plainly said the word happy out loud in a monotone. There were a few scattered laughs throughout the class. Everyone knew that this was a lie and for some reason they thought it was amusing. I distracted myself from the staring eyes focused on me with my ballpoint pen twirling in my fingers. Thankfully the attention was taken off of me and onto an unfamiliar voice’s choice of word. Intrigued by the answer I turned around to see a girl behind me. I had never seen her before and I don’t know how I wouldn’t have noticed her when I arrived to class late as she was only in the seat behind me. I guess I’m pretty oblivious to most things though. I tried to turn back around to face the front of the classroom but I found myself staring, and I couldn’t look away. She was so beautiful. I had never seen someone so angelic like. It was hard to imagine she could be unhappy, as she described as a quality of hers not moments earlier. Her eyes flickered to mine and then back down to her hands.
Crap.
I ripped myself from the gaze I had held so long and turned so my back was facing her. My eyebrows creased together as I internally slapped myself in the face a few times, I questioned my actions in my mind, leaving myself feeling like an absolute idiot. I didn’t know who she was but her beauty made me want to know everything about her. This scared me though, I had never been so enthusiastic about getting to know someone before and I didn’t know what made this new girl any different. Maybe it was the light she shone through her appearance. Or maybe I was curious as to what she was feeling inside, if it was as beautiful as she was on the outside, I didn’t know but I was determined to find out. Something about her had drawn my attention, I may just be over thinking but I needed to know this girl.
The rest of class went by slowly and I hadn’t learn’t anything between the embarrassing moment I encountered and the schools high pitched bell. As all my classmates briskly placed their belongings into their bags I continued to sit unmoved in my seat. In my own world I was interrupted by my teachers confused voice. “Are you okay Beau?” She asked with genuine concern. I jumped as I was brought back to reality and out of the cloud of thoughts formed above my head. I nodded and stood, hastily collecting my books and shoving them into my bag. As I headed for the door I turned as Ms.Poppet began talking again. Surprised to see I wasn’t in fact the last person in the room. “How did you find your first lesson Daisy?”She asked the new girl. I quickly turned back around and exited out the classroom.
So her name was Daisy.
The remainder of the day went fairly quick and I was glad to hear the schools end of day bell ring. My last class was science studies and it was my least favourite subject. The teacher would bore each and every student until they were close to finding sleep and then would surprise us with a pop quiz. Despite my hate for science I still scored the highest grade in the class. That was until Daisy moved into the class. It was the first time this year I hadn’t got the most answers correct. Who is this Daisy?
Sleep wasn’t on my side tonight. I had endless thoughts it seemed, and even though I felt tired my eyes betrayed me and stayed wide open. I couldn’t help but think about Daisy. No matter how much I tried to get her off my mind something would remind me of her. I thought about my homework for Psychology which led to going back to thinking about the first time I had laid eyes on her.
