The Road Trip

Chapter 20: Hate That I Love You

Travis's POV

I needed time to sort out my feelings. I was beginning to think that Jackie didn't have the same feelings as I have for her. It was really hard to think that I was the one who was trying so hard to show her how much she means to me. She was everything for me. I've never felt anything like this before and only Jackie managed to let these emotions out after a very long time.

In Canada, I was busy with work and I never took the time to think about settling down with someone. Sure, there were girls who would every now and then try hard to get my attention. At first I thought, I was a lucky guy. Girls were throwing themselves upon me and the only thing I needed to do was to play with them. It was nothing serious. We just have nights of fun and then in the morning, it's as if nothing happened the night before.

But when Angie introduced me to her goddaughter through the painting that she gave me for my birthday, I was so intrigued. I thought that at her age, she was able to make a name for herself. Angie told me that she had been through a lot and when I asked to see her picture, I was captured. There are no other words to describe it, I was captured.

Her hair was shorter then and that picture was taken when she just turned 18. She looked tall and she was wearing a blue shirt and shorts and some Chucks. It looked like she was in an orphanage and she celebrated her 18th birthday there with the orphans. I can remember how surprised I was with what she did.

"Is this an orphanage, Anj?" I asked her pointing to her face in the picture. She looked so happy in the picture with the kids.

"Yes. My goddaughter is more of like this...missionary in action. She likes to help kids. She actually teaches art for free every summer in that orphanage." She handed me a painting.

"What's this?" I asked her.

"This is my gift for your new office. Do you like it?" I opened the painting. It was a picture of a sunrise at the beach.

"It's so nice. Thanks Anj. This will do perfectly on the wall in my office."

"She made that." She smiled at me as if she knew what I was thinking. "You want to meet her, don't you?"

"Yeah. And I just hope that I'll meet her soon."

"Would you like to go to the Philippines then? She can be the best tour guide for you."

"But my schedule's all full this year. Probably next year will do."

"We'll set it then!" she said excitedly. I was excited too.

Looking back, that sole picture of Jackie made me like her. Her selfless acts for the orphans got my heart and the painting is still in my office. I touch it to feel the texture of the paint on the canvass. The awe that I had for her didn't seem to end when I met her in person. I saw how loving she is to her family, how talented she is and how big her heart is.

All the while I thought that I was already able to break the walls of her heart but then I thought wrong. She was still afraid. She tried to tell me how she felt but then it all ended with her doubting me. Have I ever given her a reason to doubt me? I guess not. I have given her everything there was to give.

Attention, I did. Even if she rejected my advances a couple of times, I still made sure she'd see the effort that I had. I made her feel that she was the only one who could hold me captive. My heart has surrendered to her completely and yet she still refuses to see this fact. Love? I think she looked past that. She thought about her experience with God-knows-who-that-person-was more than what she had with me and it pains me. I can't be in a one-sided relationship. I love Jackie too much to hurt her even if she has hurt me a lot now.

In two days, I'm set to go back to Canada and I thought that I'd be happy to go back there knowing that someone was waiting for me here. But I guess, there's no one anymore. Jackie has given up. I've assured her too many times but then I think those efforts were futile. It didn't get through to her.

I wanted to fix this misunderstanding and tell her that everything was going to be okay and it seems that Jackie has made an impact and I wouldn't get rid of her easily. I can't move on because she's the only one in my heart right now.

I have ignored her for two days. She looked like she was ready to breakdown every time we cross paths. I'd give an excuse that I was busy packing my stuff. There was some truth to it but 70% was just a reason for me to avoid her.

Tonight at dinner, she tried to initiate a conversation but then I didn't want to talk. There was nothing to talk about. It's done. I feel stupid every time she looks at me. I felt stupid for asking her Dad if I could take her to Canada this year to meet my family. I was stupid for telling her Dad that I had plans of marrying her.

After having dinner, I went up to my room. I wanted to sleep the stress away when I heard a knock on the door.

"Travis? Can we talk?" she asked.

I heaved a sigh. I stood up and opened the door. She stood there in her nightwear and my body chose this time to react.

"What do you want?"

"I-I-I just wanted to say...sorry."

"Sorry, huh? Well I'm okay. I can't wait to go back to Canada and I know that that's what you want, right?"

"That's not what I want, Trav. I-"

"Cut being nice, Jackie. You want me to go, right? You know what? I thought that for the time we spent together, I thought you already loved me. But I guess that was just an act."

"No! That's not true, Trav. I love you." She started to cry now. "I was just afraid to lose someone again and I realized that I can't lose you. I love you too much."

Instead of closing the door on her, I felt my heart turn into mush when I heard what she said. Jackie was my weakness. I pulled her to me and embraced her. She placed her hands on my face and pulled me close so that she could kiss me.

"I love you Travis Norton."

"Are you sure, Jackie? My heart can't take another beating anymore."

She sealed my lips with her again in desperation. I felt it. She loves me and the kiss all the more proved it. She nodded and caressed my face with the hands that I loved to hold.

"I'm sure, Trav."

"I just hate that I love you too much, Jackie." She looked surprised.

"Why? Did I-"

It was my turn to kiss her lips to silence her doubts away.

"I can't hate you too long because I love you that much."