Street Rat

Chapter One: Part 4

I feel more vulnerable. More sad. Weak. Weak? No! Why do I feel like this? I'm injured, not weak and frail. I'm fine, nothing wrong! I need to get off of him. I began to let go of him, right as I let go I try to stand, but just fall behind him. I landed on my back for the second time, this time more brutal and painful than the first. I whimper in pain, and cringe at the thought of my back being bruised or broken. It's still wet and I'm trying to figure out why, because it's not raining. Then I think. I'm bleeding, which is probably why I feel so numb and fragile. I can't allow Blake to see me like this, but I have no choice but to feel and be worthless and gentle. But I'm tough, I've got this!

I begin to turn to my right side and try to pull myself up, I can't. My arms are like noodles. The muscles in my arms are giving out. I can't do anything. My legs are numb, I can't do it. I'm a goner. I'm a worthless bag of shit. I can't do anything right! Ever since I saved Blake's ass! Ever since I was little! If I didn't tell my parents to hurry home, they wouldn't be dead! If I didn't fuck up and get distracted, I would've made it to the apartment and got to Patten's by now! I'm just an altogether fuck up! Nothing but shit! A mistake to the human eye! I'm A Worthless Fuck Up! Why didn't you just leave me Blake?! Why didn't you just leave me to feel pain?! I hate You! I started to just cry. I couldn't take it. I'm not living by doing what I'm doing. Having a boy I barely know, take care of me when I'm just a waste of a human. I cry harder. I don't want to be here. In this apartment, at home, in the middle of nowhere. I would..rather be a dead body. A Corpse.

"No!" Blake screams. He takes off his bag and throws it on the table next to the bed. The sheets were as white as a pure cloud, the blankets a pastel blue. Baby Blue. Beautiful colors really combine don't they? I try to distract myself, but I can't. All I see is him. He runs to me. Not hesitant to lift me up and put me on his back again.I just lie limb on his back. He holds my thigh with his left hand while gripping onto my other thigh. He's making a fool of me.

"Hey? Hey? Vish? You open your eyes." Blake whispers to me. My eyes open quickly and without hesitation, they begin to widen. Vish. Vish was my nickname he gave me when I was 6.

It was after my parents died. We were playing, but I wasn't in the mood. I was still sad about my parents. I was under the Rose Tree his family planted just for us to sit under and take care of. I remember I was mad at him because he told me I needed to be more happy. I sat down under the tree, and just looked in the grass watching a blue beetle crawl on my leg up to my knee. I wasn't paying any mind to him, only because I was mad. He saw me and just stared at me. Soon he just slowly walked towards me and gave me a hug as an "I'm sorry for being mean." The thing was, after my parents died, I refused to let anyone hug me. My mom and dad onlyever hugged me . My brother would hit me, but when Blake hugged me I never was bugged by it. He thought I'd get upset somehow, but he was wrong. I just hugged him back. Until I realized my wall was down. I hit him on the head to tell him to let go of me. He fell and told me I was vicious. In which he said "I'll just call you Vish!" That was the more important memory for me. I've tried to forget it, but I never could. Also I just noticed: Blake hugged me today, and I didn't hit him for resist. I hate myself. I let my wall down to far again.

"Hey! Are you okay?! Can you speak?!" Blake lifts my neck and head. Why does he sound so nasally?

I push him off and crawl to the wall. I try to regain strength so I can get up. I start to pant, I can't seem to breath. I try to close my eyes. Maybe I'm suppose to? My eyes soon open again as I'm interrupted by a grab on my arm. I get yanked from the wall and get my head pushed between my knees.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I yell. I pick up my arms and shove Blake down to the floor making sure he's lying on his back.

"What the hell is wrong with you!? I haven't acquainted with you in years and you just pop up trying to care about my injury when I'm fine by myself! You're in your own world! Stay Out Of Mine! I'm better by myself! Without help I'm better off! I don't need anyone to take care of me when I'm fine to my own ways! Now leave!" I yell loudly. I spit my blood at him to push him away. I glare. I fall to my front and pant even harder. Everything goes silent. All the noise is just my frequent breathing and wheezing. I knew I wasn't okay. I just don't want him to get hurt by helping me. I'll be better off dead. I know I can't take care of myself either, but I can't let him help me. I'm making myself mad on the outside to scare him away. I'm actually weak and sad. I look ahead of me and keep an angry face on hoping he'll get the idea in case he didn't fully grasp it. He just looks at me with tears in his eyes . My face is in the same expression, except-I start to cry without a facial muscle moving. I'm in so much pain. And my back is still wet. I lift myself and lay back on the wall. I notice my shirt is halfway up on the skin of my rib. I look up and notice Blake's tears are gone but his eyes are still bloodshot. So he just stopped crying. I glare at him.