therapy [h.s.]

Ten

I sat quietly on the bed.

My heart was racing, my head was pounding, my knee was bouncing up and down. I felt like I was going to cry, scream, and vomit all at the same time.

Zayn had left a little over an hour ago. Harry escorted him outside, and then went back into his office to continue working. I watched tv in the living room until Harry finally came out of his office.

"Go up to your room. I'll be up in a few minutes," he told me.

I did as I was told.

To say I was nervous, was an understatement. By the way he acted earlier, I knew I was going to get it. What it is I don't know, but he was definitely angry.

I wasn't necessarily scared; I knew he would never lay a hand on me. I just didn't know what to expect, it was more the unknown that frightened me.

Before I knew it, I was I shaking.

I hadn't felt this much emotion since what seemed like forever. Who knew my therapist would be the first one to get this reaction out of me. Harry had made a bigger impact on me than anyone else ever had, but I wouldn't admit it, I couldn't.

I heard footsteps slowly climb the stairs, and it felt like my heart stopped.

I stared at the door, awaiting his arrival.

He finally came into my view, and didn't look nearly as angry as I had anticipated. His face lacked expression; he looked more tired than anything. He took a seat on the floor directly in front of me, and I felt my heart beat again. Very fast.

"I'm sorry if I scared you earlier," he said quietly, his eyes staring at the carpet, but then briefly meeting mine.

"It's okay," I said back, equally as quiet.

"I did it mostly out of shock, I think. I spoke to Zayn earlier and told him not to try anything, but when you said that you had kissed him, I was a bit taken back."

I just stared at the bedspread, unable to meet his eyes. It was silent for a few moments.

"Care to tell me why you did it?" He finally asked.

I slowly looked into his kind green eyes, and knew I had to say something.

"I don't know. It was just a spur of the moment kind of thing. He was there, and I was there and the way he was talking, I just....kissed him."

"What do you mean by 'the way he was talking?'"

"He was talking about how things used to be. Before he moved away. When I was happy."

"Does he make you happy?" Harry asked, as his eyes studied me.

"He did. Now he just makes me confused."

"How so?"

"I'm not sure exactly. He's different now, but he brings back memories and the new memories mixing with the old...it's not always a good combination."

"Can you elaborate on that?"

"God Harry, I don't know? Can you try not to make life a therapy session?"

He began to laugh, and I couldn't help but do the same. The way his head leaned back, his dimples, the way his eyes scrunched up. He was the definition of perfect.

"Sorry love, just trying to see if I could get you to talk. You know I want what's best for you, and I brought you here to help you. But seeing you kiss boys, or men for that matter, that makes me feel like we're not making progress."

"Maybe we're not. I told you from the beginning this wasn't going to work," I reminded him.

"I know Emma, but I can't help but see this little glimmer of hope. Even if there are some setbacks, there are changes I see in you everyday. You are smiling more, you're becoming more comfortable. I want you to know this is a safe place, alright?"

"Alright," I reiterated.

"So, are we okay?"

"Yup."

"No more kissing boys I let into the house, okay?"

"I make no promises," I joked, causing him to smile.

"Fair enough. Hug it out?" He asked, opening his arms.

"No, thanks. I don't hug."

"But you kiss, huh?"

I gasped at his choice of words, making him laugh. I rolled my eyes and bent down to wear he was sitting on the floor.

He wrapped his arms around me in the most comforting way possible. In the position we were in he was practically cradling me like a child, but in this moment, I didn't care. He was right about what he said.

This is a safe place.

///

let's just call this the calm before the storm....;)

vote and comment for more. love you xx

-Maddie