the heart wants what it wants

requester: isacchii

pairing: oikawa x ushijima, background iwaizumi x oikawa

genre: angst

song: the heart wants what it wants

warnings: sexual content

lowercase intended

-

oikawa knew that it was all a mistake. his mind was a frenzy, a clutter of fury and anger and hatred and lust and desire and guilt. he didn't know what to do or what to say in order to stop his current actions, neither did he think he wanted to.

but fuck, it was so wrong.

ushijima shouldn't be touching him, not in the way he was doing now. he shouldn't be alone with him in a storage room, breathing heavily and moaning softly. he should definitely not be such a mess because of the hands of a man other than the one he was supposed to be faithful to.

ushijima ground their crotches together, oikawa letting out a long moan in response. his neck was limp along with most of his body as ushijima sat on hands and knees above him on the small bench, clothed erection against his own and lips against the poor brunette's neck.

"ushiw-waka, stop," oikawa whimpered, lightly putting his hands against the other's chest, trying to push him away. ushijima pulled away, still above the other, eyes traveling over oikawa's body, over the mess he made.

"do you really want me to?" he growled, bringing one hand down to palm oikawa through his training pants teasingly. oikawa let out a long whine as he bucked his hips up against his hands desperately.

"i don't think you do," he concluded, bringing his lips down to oikawa's neck again. "don't worry. i'll make you feel good."

oikawa let him.

-

"shit."

oikawa examined the giant hickey on his neck carefully, tracing his fingers over it. iwaizumi would know that this wasn't his doing, that was for sure. they never marked necks.

oikawa's heart was racing. this was all a mistake. his affair with ushijima was a giant mistake and he didn't know if he could fix it.

the thing was, ever since their first time in that locker room, ushijima started becoming more intimate. at first, oikawa refused to kiss him in any way, but ushijima made him give in at one point.

their first kiss was heated, no love to be found. it was when ushijima pinned him down to his bed — the bed he often laid in with his boyfriend — and demandingly clashed his lips into oikawa's. oikawa didn't push him away. he enjoyed it.

they kissed more often now. it made it all worse. sex was just for sex, just for the satisfaction when iwaizumi happened to be unable to give it to him. but when the kissing started, oikawa realized that he was cheating on the man he had worked so hard for to get.

he broke down as he stared into the mirror, staring at the spot on his neck, crying his heart out. he threw the concealer to the floor and sank down to his knees. he didn't want this. he didn't want the guilt or the pain or iwaizumi's watery eyes staring as him as he confronted him with the horrible truth.

-

"i love you, oikawa."

oikawa was on ushijima's couch, comfortably lying on the other's torso, curled up. he was playing with ushijima's hand, tracing his fingers over the lines in his hand, breathing slowly.