Tales of Ciskaria

Part 1

I am only posting this because callalily13 really really wanted me to. You brought this upon yourself missy. It's not crucial for you to know about Hetalia to read and understand this story, feel free to enjoy it.

Welcome to Ciskaria

I've always wondered what we could have done, why the world decided, to be as cruel as to birth us into this world. In some past life, what did we do to deserve to be born again as something so powerful yet so torturous? Did we kill, did we steal, did we ruin the lives of others? Did we for some reason do something so terrible that the world decided to punish us so terribly? But then sometimes I wonder the opposite. Did we sacrifice ourselves for others that the world turned to us and said, yes, they deserve greatness. Thinking that helps me sleep at night. It helped me through the years of torture, the days when I felt as if I were falling apart. I look to my friends and I know, I know, that I was born into greatness, and that all of us were, even if the world saw this as punishment, we rose above their expectations and made our own destiny. Ha, and who would've thought, a country so small, so reliant on others, could somehow become a force to be reckoned with. The world brought this upon themselves.

Water, waves, strange that I knew what this noise was. For nations, being born is very different than for humans. We just suddenly appear with the knowledge we need to survive on our own. I opened my eyes to see the ocean. The waves collapsed at my feet as I sat in the sand. As I turned to look behind me I was stunned. A vast grassy plain of nothingness spread before me. Where are the trees, I thought, the animals? The only thing that broke the empty fields was a giant mountain, a volcano, the one that had brought this island into being. Not far away was a small group of people, my people. They were using the wood from the boats they'd come in to make their homes. No! I wanted to scream at them, go home! You'll never survive out here! I stood and ran over to them yet froze when I saw their faces, they were happy. Happy? How could this be? Children were running around, playing, while their mothers looked on smiling. Did they not realize their new home held nothing for them? But seeing their faces brought a feeling from deep within me, hope, and determination. Yes, my home had little to offer these people but by the gods was I not going to try to provide for them as best I could. Yes, I thought, these are my people.

A few months later winter was going to be coming. My people had brought a few animals along with them and the grassy plains kept them healthy and happy. Along with this we farmed and picked berries and herbs. I was sitting down by the beach when I saw it, a ship, like the one my people had come in. Everyone seemed happy that it had come but I was confused. Where had these people come from? All I knew was our small island, was there another out in the big blue sea? The ship stopped off the shoreline and the people came to shore in a rowboat, several others carried goods and a few animals. One man came over to me, which was unusual for me, the townspeople didn't usually talk to me or acknowledge me at all. He was tall, wore a strange dress, though he was clearly a man, and like the other men in the village had dark hair, which was cut short. He kneeled before me.

"Hello, you must be the new country huh? What's your name?" He asked.

"A name? I don't have one." I told him. I knew that my people had names, but they had never given me a name. They didn't have a proper form of government yet.

"Ah, well I'm sure you will get one when you are older. My name's Japan, I'm your older brother because these people are immigrants from my country." I looked up at him in awe. I'd noticed that some of the younger kids had older siblings who looked after them.

"Are you going to take care of me?" I asked.

"Of course. There doesn't seem to be much here so I'll do my best to keep you all safe."

"Where are you from? I can't see your place from here."

"That's because you can't. My place is sort of far away. Someday, I'll take you there, say, when you earn a name." He said and pulled something out of his pocket. "Here, this is a mirror, it shows you what you look like." I took it in my hands and stared at my face. I had messy, long, brown hair and I was a bit tan from all the sun I got. I was wearing a white dress which had gotten a bit dirty already. The entire time Japan was with me he taught me all he knew about being a country. Apparently he had an onii-chan as well, someone named China. He taught me his language and told me I could make up my own religion, whatever I wanted, but I left that up to my people. He also taught me to read and write. I loved to hear him praise me and always tried my best. Eventually he had to leave, but promised to return soon. Winter set in, something my people had been completely unprepared for. The snow practically buried their homes, the freezing cold killed all the animals, and any plants died. Everyone nearly starved to death, but thankfully one supply ship from Japan came with food to get us through the winter. I didn't have a proper home yet, so I had to sit in the snow, freezing, and hoping winter would be over soon. My people prayed to their gods that the harsh winter would mean a plentiful spring. Then thankfully spring did come. My people learned to stock up food in the fall and they built stronger and warmer homes. They came up with a government, but made no name for their country. They started to notice me however and soon built me a small home. One year a ship came from the opposite side of the island. That year I met another nation, his name was Canada, but he spoke French and I didn't understand him. He brought along a translator for Japanese and I found that he was very kind. He made peace with my people and promised to send aid as well. In his country they experienced cold winters as well and they sent warm clothes and animals bred to survive the cold. Canada taught me how to speak French so that we could communicate, he also taught me a bit of English, a popular language among other countries.

"There are even more countries?" I had asked.

"Of course, there are many many countries. Someday I'll take you to meet them all, eh, but we'll avoid my brother America." He never took me off the island though, just like Japan, they wouldn't tell me why I couldn't leave. Years passed and I eventually grew a bit as more people came to the island and our society advanced. During the summer I wore a skirt and top like the other girls on the island. During the winter however I bundled up as much as I could. During one summer another ship arrived. Another country I had never met before came to meet me. Thankfully he spoke English so we were able to communicate. He was very tall, taller than my older brother or Canada. He had very light hair, which made him stand out from my people, he also had purple eyes. Even though it was summer he wore warm clothes.

"Hello, I'm Russia." He kneeled in front of me. Me, being the innocent child I was, put my hands on his cheeks.

"You're cute!" I said. He stayed with me for a few days and while everyone else seemed to be afraid of him I enjoyed his company. He was very different than my stern brother and the shy Canada. He smiled all the time it seemed. He told me he loved sunflowers as well, which seemed to grow all over the island in the spring and summer. Just like with Japan and Canada however he eventually had to leave. I begged him to take me with him, saying that I wanted to see places outside my nation. He agreed and brought me to his home. It was very large, much larger than any of the homes on my island.

"I've never seen anything like this before." I ran through the rooms, exploring everything. There were other countries there as well. Apparently they were under Russia's control, or the Soviet Union. I was happy to finally be exploring the world.

I heard the door open to the room I was staying in. I didn't know what time it was, but I felt terrible. I felt a hand shake me a little but I just curled up into a tighter ball. I started into a coughing fit and my chest hurt like crap. I sat up as I coughed until someone handed me a cup of water. I drank it quickly to relieve the tickle in my throat.

"Are you feeling okay?" Russia stood by my bed. I lay back down in the fetal position shaking my head.

"You just rest then. It's probably just a cold." He left me alone. Over the next few days my condition didn't get better, and if anything, it got worse. Russia began to get worried and he took me to my brother's.

"You took her from the island! I suppose I can't blame you entirely. She's been wanting to leave, but since she doesn't have a name yet it's like weaning a baby before it's ready. It'll get sick and die." I could hear Japan's voice while I lay on a mat.

"What do I do?"

"Take her back to her home and hope that her people form a proper government soon and name their country. See if you can convince them, otherwise, I can't say what will happen." They continued on in hushed voices. The following day we left for my home.

"Stay strong amaimono." Japan put his hand on my head for a moment before stepping back. Onii-chan, I thought. I'd gotten used to the way that Japan didn't show his emotions much. I'd never seen him get angry or sad. "Take care of her Ivan, and let me know if anything changes."

"Ivy?" I asked looking up at Russia.

"Ivan, yes, it's my human name. You can have one too if you want."

We arrived at my country and I felt better for a while. That soon ended however and I relapsed into my sickness. While we were out on the beach I'd nearly passed out into the water. Russia had carried me back to my house and put me in my bed. That night representatives from tribes across the island came together to discuss a government as Russia had proposed to them. I awoke in the middle of the night feeling like brand new. I scrambled out of my bed, got caught in the covers, and fell on my face. Graceful. I ran to Russia's bed and jumped on top of him.

"Ivy, Ivy!" He slowly woke up.

"It's Ivan, and yes?"

"The island, me, my name, they gave me one!" I lay on top of him.

"What is it da?"

"Ciskaria! Ciskaria, Ciskaria!" I said it over and over while rolling around. "It's a bit dark though. In our religion Ciskaria is the goddess of, well, death." I yawned, still tired since it was early in the morning.

"Well I'm glad you're finally a proper country." I barely heard him as I started to fall back asleep. I felt the blanket being laid on top of me and I curled up beneath it.

We stayed in my country for a few days while I got to know my leader. Then we went to visit my older brother before returning to Russia's home. For a while we were happy but then the Soviet Union fell. All the other countries that once lived with us, like Lithuania and Estonia, left. Russia became depressed, apparently he had a hard time making friends and now his friends had left him again. I was walking down the halls when I heard a crash from one room. I was startled by the noise and slowly moved to the nearest door. I jumped again at the sound of another crash. I slowly opened the door to the darkened room. The furniture was trashed, things thrown against the walls leaving dents and scratches on the paint. Russia stood in the middle of the room, and it is the only memory I have of when he truly scared me. Not because I was afraid he'd hurt me, I knew he wouldn't, but because I was scared for him. I ran over to him and hugged his legs.

"Ivy!" I cried out. At first Ivan had tried to get me to call him by his full name but eventually gave up. He looked down at me suddenly in surprise and I hugged him tighter. He fell onto his knees next to me and hugged me back. And he cried. Which made me cry as well, and we sat there crying for so long that he cried himself to sleep. I wasn't strong enough to pull him onto the couch and even then he'd knocked it over. I grabbed some blankets from his room and pillows. I made up a bed on the floor and fell asleep next to him.

"Ciskaria" I woke up to Russia holding me tightly. "I'm sorry if I scared you. If you want to leave I'll let you."

"Why would I, you haven't shown me the world yet! I want to explore!" I think that made him happy, knowing that someone had chosen to stay with him. He agreed to take me around the world and before we left he gave me a present. A nice coat to wear over the skirt and top that I usually wore. It was nice and warm to wear and I loved it. Being the girl that I was I also started to style my hair. My favorite style was a bun with a braid on one side that tied back and wrapped around the bun. Soon we were off on a grand adventure, the two of us. We went to China who, I guess, was also my older brother. He was Japan's older brother. He was very nice to us and he had all sorts of tasty food. Then we made our way to Europe where we met Prussia, Hungary, Austria, Germany and Italy, who I could tell really liked each other, and France and England. England scared me a bit however, he was a bit strange. France was very sweet though everyone said he was a bit perverted, though at the time I didn't know what that meant. We sailed across the ocean and I got to see Canada again who was perfectly happy to see me. Though he seemed scared of Russia. I couldn't understand why though so when we were alone, I asked.

"Well, you see, Russia's a very powerful country. He wasn't exactly raised by good people either, they were barbaric, so he was taught how to kill at a young age. He's done some terrible things in his past, but he didn't realize they were bad." I didn't like this and yelled at Canada.

"He's a good man though! He tries! People focus too much on his past."

"Ciskaria, he is good, I know he tries, but sometimes he gets a little out of hand and his old habits come back. Be careful okay?"

"He'd never hurt me." I told myself remembering when he had been upset before. We didn't bother going to meet America. I knew he and Russia didn't get along, so then after that we sailed across the ocean. He surprised me by stopping back at my home. I was glad to be home which at that time was covered in snow. The pure whiteness of it made me happy and we spent the day outdoors. Trouble didn't arrive until after we'd left, or technically right as we were leaving. We were setting off to sail home when I felt pain throughout my body. It hurt so much my legs couldn't take it. I collapsed on the ground screaming. Russia ran over to me to see what was the matter. I didn't have time to answer however as we heard a loud explosion. The volcano on the island was going off. I scrambled to my feet, fighting the pain, and ran to the rails, watching the smoke rise and the red lava pouring down the mountains. I knew there were people who lived near the mountain, why hadn't I seen this coming? Another wave of pain and I nearly collapsed again, holding onto the rails for support. Russia stood near me as I started to cry. I knew the pain meant that my people were hurting, hell I was nearly certain someone had died already. This was the worst thing to happen to my nation, we'd never had any wars. The ship was stopped but we didn't return to the island until after the volcano had finished and it was safe. The snow had at least helped slow the lava but it had reached the villages closest to the mountain. I stayed in my room for a while after this happened. I felt my people's pain, their sorrow, and their fear. I wanted to hurt myself, it felt like the only way to release these emotions from myself was to bleed them out. I nearly succeeded in cutting myself before Ivan found me and tore the knife from my grasp. He held me tightly as I cried until I'd fallen asleep. My people recovered quickly however, thanks to the help of my fellow nations. There wasn't much that had been destroyed and funerals were held swiftly for the dead. Only three people had died, hikers in the mountain had been up there when it went off. People resumed their lives and everything seemed normal again. Except sometimes I felt something stir inside me, a hatred, for someone or something, though I didn't know what and I wouldn't know until it was too late.

Ivan left for his home, insisting I stay with my people for a while. I didn't want him to be by himself, afraid after what he'd done after the Soviet Union fell. There was no changing his mind though and he left with a smile. I started to learn more about politics and economics after he left. I was a bit wary about going out in public but the people were kind to me. They would compliment me and the women would tell me that I would grow up to be a beautiful young lady. I'd been young for so long however that I wondered if I ever would grow to be as old as Russia or Japan, at least in physical form. My brother came to visit me during that time and we celebrated a popular holiday in my people's religion. It was basically Christmas where people gave each other gifts. Everyone also tried to be truthful to please the honesty god. There was lots of food and singing, which I loved. Japan cooked the meal for us and we sat down together, eating only after thanking our gods for the food. Throughout that time I spent most of it worrying about Russia. For the time being I couldn't leave the island, I was too busy with government issues. We had to organize an army and a system of money. I was bored most of the time but it had to be done. I didn't see Russia for several years, though time is a bit different for countries. Whenever I got worried about him I'd call his phone. He was patient with me and understood my worry but always assured me he was fine. At one point I ended up yelling at him for no reason and even though I apologized for days I knew I'd hurt his feelings. I had no idea what had come over me. I started to have conflicting feelings about him, I'd get angry for no reason and I was so confused. Then came the attack.

The assassination of our president and several representatives. No one had seen it coming and since we had such a small and weak army there was nothing we could have done to save them. Murdered in their homes, our nation was now leaderless. Once again I felt the pain of my people as they mourned the losses. On top of the grief, a new sensation settled in. A split personality. The assassins were a part of a group that wanted to rebel against the government. Their goal was to break ties with Russia and become friends with America. At times I would remember how much I cared about Ivan, and then my mood would shift and I would find myself hating everything about him. And I was scared. I was so terrified at what was happening I locked myself away. The rebels began to fight against our army, the land was in ruins. I feared I would soon disappear because they would destroy each other.

Then he came, and I was glad, no I hated that he had come. I tried to hide from him but he dragged me from my room when I was in a good mood, while I loved him still. He picked me up and we left the house, where he headed to the battlefield. I hadn't noticed before but he was carrying a weapon. A pipe, at first, and then a scythe. The rebel mind took over again and I started kicking and screaming. I beat my fists against his back but Russia didn't let go. Once Russia got involved the rebels were quick to surrender. My people now understood that Russia wasn't going to give us up that easily.

A new president was elected and representatives as well, but I locked myself in my room. My mind was whole again but I was too scared to face Russia. I felt like I had when the volcano had erupted. I only came out of my room to eat, because even if I wanted to live a life a solitude, my hunger always won and dragged me to the kitchen.

"Ciska please talk to me. You act as if I've done something wrong." Russia was standing in the doorway while I sat at the table in my kitchen. My hair was down at the time and I let it fall over my ears, concealing my face. "I can't stay much longer. I'd like it if you came back with me, but if you're upset you can stay here da?"

"Gomen'nasai" I said quietly. "Je suis désolé, ya proshu proshcheniya." My voice rose as I spoke, saying I'm sorry in every language I knew. Ivan didn't understand what I was saying until I spoke in Russian, but then he moved to my side.

"You have no need to apologize. Why don't you talk to me?" Ivan took me into his arms.

"Ivy I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I feel so terrible all the time recently. I hurt you and I was angry and I was so confused."

"Civil wars are a part of every countries childhood, just be glad yours didn't last long."

"Did you have one?" I asked.

"Yes, I had one shortly before I met you. That's why I became the Soviet Union."

"But...your old." I said quietly. I knew it was a bit rude to say that but he continued smiling, always smiling.

"Yes, I am. Sometimes older countries have civil wars as well."

"Well I don't want that ever again." I snuggled up against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

A few days later we left for home together. Our home, I liked to call it, and it really was. We may not have been friends for hundreds of years but we were very close. After so much pain I was glad to relax with Ivan and play games, watch movies, and eat and sleep. And oh how badly I just wanted to relax without worrying about pain, or politics and economics.

It was a late night, we had stayed up watching movies but I was still fidgety.

"Why are you so twitchy?" Ivan asked.

"Ciskaria is such a weird name. All the people in the movies have normal names."

"And Russia isn't a normal name?"

"But your name is also Ivy!" I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Ah, I see you want a human name. So what will your name be?"

"I don't know! You choose one, you know more than I do." He thought for a while and I started to fall asleep on the couch.

"Ebony." He finally said.

"Ebony? That's very pretty sounding."

"It's like the color black, very beautiful, and like the night sky." I said the name to myself several times smiling.

"I love it! Ebony and Ivy! They both end in y!" Ivan looked like he was going to correct me but decided against it.

"It's getting late, you ought to go to bed." He told me instead.

"Okay." I said and lay across his lap.

"That's not what I, oh fine." He situated me beside him and lay a blanket across the both of us.

"Good night Ivy." I gave him a little kiss on the nose before curling up next to him drawing in his heat.

"Good night, Ebony."

"Stand back Ciska, I'll take care of this, but if anything happens you run! Understand me?" Russia yelled at me as I cowered behind him. We had been enjoying a day outside when none other than America showed up. Apparently he wanted Russia to break ties with me so that he could have me to himself.

"Why do you insist on protecting such a tiny nation? It's not like she's going to be growing much bigger. She'll probably be that young forever." Russia took out his pipe and swung at America, and thus the fight began. It was clear that Ivan was losing the fight, but I couldn't intervene, America would merely beat me to a pulp. So I stayed back and watched in horror as Ivan was knocked to the ground and this time he didn't get up.

"Give up now and maybe I won't have to shoot you." America said pulling out a small handgun. Ivan laughed from where he was lying.

"You'll never take her from me. I won't let you!"

"I don't think you understand the position you're in right now. Come on Ciska, you're coming with me." I shook my head and shrank away from him. Russia started to reach for his pipe, which was lying in the snow near him. He was bleeding in several spots and looked badly bruised. It scared me to see him like this. America looked well, though he had a black eye forming and several bruises elsewhere, I was sure. He noticed what Ivan was doing and it happened.

The shot.

Then the pain. Without thinking I'd moved to step between Russia and the gun. But something had formed in my hands, and I felt different, I was...taller. America stumbled back in surprise. I had grown right then and there and I was now holding a scythe. Apparently I'd used it to cut the bullet but a piece had hit my shoulder. I felt a strange surge of power and immediately knew what to say.

"I don't think I'll be going anywhere with you America. With the power of my people and the name of Ciskaria, the death goddess, I call upon the creatures of the night to fight for me!" I raised the scythe and all around me strange dog like creatures appeared.

"How is this possible!?" America yelled before he was attacked by the dogs. I started to laugh, almost maniacally, not realizing that this was wrong. I felt something grab my ankle and looked down to see Ivan. I immediately stopped and fell down next to him. The dogs stopped attacking America and ran off into the surrounding woods. His screams fell silent, though I knew he was in pain, he deserved it, for hurting my Ivan and trying to take me from him.

"You've grown up." Ivan smiled but I could see the pain in his eyes. Indeed I had, I was now an adult, like the other big countries.

"Now's not the time for that. We need to get you home." I helped him stand and we slowly made our way home. Once we were back I laid him on the bed in his room. "Don't move, it'll only worsen the injuries." I told him and ran to get bandages and other supplies. As I tended to his wounds I noticed I had become exhausted. Using that power had drained me it seemed. My hair was falling out of it's bun so I took it out. I took Ivan's hand in mine and sat by the side of the bed. I prayed for him, that he would be okay, of course I was sure he would be but you could never be too careful.

"And thank you Ciskaria...for your...protection." I said between yawns. I rested my head on the bed before falling asleep. After another moment Ivan sat up, only to pull me up onto the bed beside him. While I'd been so busy concentrating on Russia's wounds I'd forgotten my own. The bullet was still lodged in my shoulder which prevented it from bleeding but it was going to need to come out in order for it to heal. For the time being I was knocked out asleep however.

It was the following morning when I finally woke up. The first thing I saw was Ivan staring at me before I remembered what had happened the day before. I sat up quickly looking around, my shoulder was now throbbing.

"How long have you been staring at me?" I asked.

"I don't know, an hour or two?" He was smiling, which I guess creeped me out a little granted the circumstances. His wounds had at least started to heal however so he wasn't in terrible shape. I threw my hand out to slap him, but I used my left arm, the one with a bullet in it. I pulled it back quickly biting my lip against the pain.

"Don't move that arm, we don't want to dislodge the bullet."

"What?! It's in my shoulder still?! We can get it out right?"

"Well...yes, but it'll hurt, a lot. I'd give you some alcohol but all I have is."

"I know what you have, vodka, it takes up like half the fridge. I'll drink it, I'm not a little kid anymore." I stood up, careful not to move my arm to much.

"No, you're not." I thought I heard a bit of sadness in his voice but he smiled. He followed me out to the kitchen where I took one of the many bottles of vodka out of the fridge. Russia took the bottle from me and opened it.

"You sure about this? I can always get some wine from France before we do this."

"Give me that." I grabbed the bottle from him. It felt strange, being as tall as him. I took a swig and nearly spat it out immediately. "God, how can you drink this all the time!"

"Now, before you get drunk come sit down." He led me to the couch as I took another swig from the bottle. Unfortunately my body wasn't used to alcohol and I was pretty much wasted already. Not to mention vodka is some serious alcohol.

"You're so adorable." I laughed as I reached my hand towards him. He grabbed it and moved it back down to my side.

"Remind me to never let you get drunk again." He helped me take off my coat and then didn't do anything else for a moment.

"What's wrong Ivy?" I asked and I don't remember exactly, but I could have sworn he blushed there.

"Okay that name's weird and creepy when you're drunk and um, you have to take off your dress, or at least get your arm out of the sleeve." He put his hand on his face. "God, I'd rather have to deal with France or America right now."
I had to maneuver my arm slowly out of the dress sleeve which hurt like hell. Ivan responded by giving me another drink of vodka. That was only the beginning though.

"Don't look okay, put your head on my shoulder here." He patted his shoulder and I followed his orders, burying my face into his scarf. For the sake of others I won't put too many details into this. Let's just say it hurt, like hell, and there was a lot of crying, screaming, and cussing.

Mostly from me.

Once the bullet piece was out I felt very weak but I didn't want to let go of Ivan. He finished wrapping up my shoulder with bandages which was now throbbing. I wrapped my good arm tightly around him and he hugged me back. He fell back onto the couch with me on top of him.

"Damn Ciska, you're just trouble for me da?" He stroked my hair a bit.

"Mm, but that's a good thing huh? You love trouble." I giggled, my drunk mind still had a hold on me.

"Just sleep for a bit." He told me.

"Don't leave me, please." I said suddenly.

"Now why would I do that after all this time?" Russia smiled like he always did. I was too tired to respond and quickly slipped into darkness.

This place, it was familiar to me, yet different. It was a village on Ciskaria, but everything seemed dark and the streets were empty. Then suddenly people appeared, but they weren't walking by me, they seemed to be running away. Wait, I wanted to yell, but I couldn't. When I looked beside me the dogs I had called on before were there.

My people were afraid of me.

No, I thought, this isn't how it was supposed to be.

"Please come back!" I cried out finally as tears came to my eyes. I bawled, wanting the dogs to go away so badly. I'd never wanted this! My country was supposed to be beautiful! Why? Why? Then everything started to dissolve and I jolted awake. My cheeks were wet with tears and I wiped them away while my head pounding. It felt like my brains were trying to break out of my skull.

A hangover.

I froze when I realized where I was, lying on top of Ivan. Embarrassed, I quickly tried to get up without disturbing him. Epic fail. I accidentally kicked him while trying to stand up which woke him up.

"Oh, ow." He muttered looking groggily over at me. "How's your shoulder doing?" He asked and sat up while rubbing his eyes. I slapped him, this time making sure to use my good arm.

"...are you still drunk?" He asked after a moment of shock. I groaned, mostly in disgust, and grabbed my coat before starting to head to the bathroom to wash up a bit. "Ebony!" He called from the living room but I ignored him. I locked the door and grabbed some pain medicine. I took some pills to help the pain in my shoulder and my head.

Hangovers are not fun.

After washing myself up some I put my hair up like it usually was. Braid on one side, tied back into a bun. I finished and took in a deep, shaky breath. Looking down at my clothes I saw the dried blood on them.

"Looks like it's time to clean up." I said looking at myself in the mirror. I opened the door to find Ivan standing on the other side, his hand raised like he was about to knock. His mouth opened like he was going to say something. I tried to slap him again but he caught my wrist.

"Don't slap me again." He said. I dropped my hand to my side and looked at the ground.

"Gomen'nasai." I said quietly. "I was going to wash my clothes, do you want me to take yours?"

"Sure" He took of his coat and handed it to me. It was a lot heavier than I expected, a lot heavier.

"What the- why do you have a pick axe hidden in your coat? Your pipe I understand, but a pick axe? And a rifle?!" I looked up to see Russia slowly backing away. I rubbed my head. "Just, just never mind okay? You have your reasons." I laid out all the weapons on a table and took his coat with me. I put our coats in the washer and then returned to my room to change so I could put my dress in. I didn't have anything else warm so I put on a t-shirt and a long skirt. Russia'd already put his clothes in so I added mine and started up the washer.

"How's your shoulder feel?" He asked as he walked in on me.

"A little better, I took some pain medicine. What about you?" I put my hand on his arm. "Are you doing okay?"

"Of course and now that I have time to say it, you're beautiful."

"Eh, what? Is this a joke?" I stepped back.

"My little Ciska's grown up." He put his hand on my head. "And I wanted to be the first to say that you're beautiful." I could feel my cheeks growing warmer by the second.

"T-thank you, it's all a bit confusing for me though. I feel like I'm supposed to be, I don't know, so smart and proper and everything. It's odd." I said.

"You'll get used to it." He gave me a quick hug before leaving me be. At the moment I was starving, I hadn't eaten anything since the previous day, so I set out to the kitchen to fix something up. A sandwich sounded pretty good, especially peanut butter and jelly. I got out the bread and was about to start putting the jelly on, but when I picked up the knife I froze. The memory of what I'd done to America came back. Gods, I could have killed him, I thought. I dropped the knife and stepped back against the island.

"Ciska? What's wrong? What happened?" Russia must have been nearby because he ran into the kitchen. I could feel my heart beating in my chest. I hid my face in my hands as I sank down to the floor. "Ciskaria?"

The images of America continued to go through my head. I could have killed him, I continued to think, I could have killed him.

"Ebony!" Ivan grabbed my shoulders forcing me to look at him. Tears were streaming down my face. "Look at me. I guarantee you Alfred is fine. He's not going to give up easily, you've merely taught him a lesson. He won't mess with you again. I'm sure you're scared and worried but I promise you I will never let you kill anyone like I have." That was the first time Ivan admitted to me of killing someone before. Nearly immediately after he planted his lips on mine, surprising me even more. He wasn't rough like I'm sure most expect, but gentle like a giant teddy bear, as cliche as that sounds. When we broke away we were both smiling.

"You've stayed with me for so long, even when I was sure you'd give up on me. The other nations are afraid of me, but you never were."

"I'm not like the other countries Ivan, you should know that." I gave him a quick kiss and he reached for something on the ground beside him.

"I do." He handed me one of his many sweatshirts. "I thought you might be cold."

"Ivy, you don't have to do this. I'm fine." I said.

"We both know you're not." He stood up and picked up the knife I'd dropped. "Just put it on." I did what he wanted as he finished making the sandwich for me. The sweater was soft and warm and reminded me of the nights when I was little, which seemed so long ago now, when we had laid together and I could feel the warmth radiating off him. It saddened me a little that I wasn't that little girl anymore, but Ivan had made things a bit better by kissing me. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks and hoped he wouldn't notice my face turning red. I sat down at the table as Ivan placed down the plate with the sandwich on it. I pressed my hands together in prayer and closed my eyes for a moment.

"Kono shokuhin o shukufuku" Bless this food, in my native tongue. I quickly ate the sandwich since I was practically starving. Russia moved into the room next to the kitchen, the living room. Once I was finished I went to check on the progress of washing the clothes, put them into the dryer, before using the only phone in the house. I sat down in the floor after dialing the number.

"Konichiwa?" The voice asked that answered the phone.

"Onii-chan, it's me, Ciskaria."

"Oh Ciska? Are you okay? I heard there was some commotion involving America the other day." Japan asked.

"I'm fine, well now I am but, um, I'm not sure how to say this." I paused for a moment. "I've grown up."

"Ahh? Really? My little sister has grown to be a young lady? Sore wa subarashidesu! I look forward to seeing you."

"Me too, I'll try to make a trip as soon as I can. I sort of hurt my shoulder though, so I think it's best to let it heal first."

"Mm, yes, rest first, then come see me. Take care of yourself Ciska, and keep me updated."

"I will, see you soon, bye." I hung up and sat there for a moment. I didn't have the heart to tell Japan all that had really happened, though I was sure America would be ranting his big mouth off about it. As I moved to get up I moved my arm a bit too quickly and my shoulder started to hurt again. I bit my lip to stop from screaming or anything. I held it gingerly against my chest hoping the pain would go away. When it didn't I decided I had to ask Ivan for help, I'd already taken medicine for it so that wouldn't help.

"Um, Ivy? M-my shoulder hurts, and I've already taken some medicine." He turned to look at me from where he sat on the couch.

"If you're wanting more vodka the answer is no."

"No, gods no. I think I'll stay away from alcohol for a while."

"Good, but I can't do anything else about it." He patted the seat next to him. "Just try to get your mind off it." I sat next to him while trying to turn my attention to what was on the tv. It was a Russian show and while I'd learned Russian over the years I had a hard time keeping up when people talked quickly.

"Can we watch something in Japanese?" I asked.

"As long as I can put subtitles on." He changed to an anime channel and turned on the subtitles. I smiled as I watched the show. With Japan being my older brother I loved anime as much as he did. My people were pretty fond of it as well. We didn't have any shows of our own though, we mostly borrowed from Japan, Russia, and Canada. Soon the pain was the last thing on my mind as I lost myself in the storyline. It was one I'd already seen before, but that didn't make it less magical. It's so easy to get lost in fiction.

And for a moment I was a kid again. I curled up next to Ivan who wrapped his arm around me. His grip was firm leading me to believe that he didn't want to let go, as if he feared I might become too far out of his grasp. I took in his scent, which was all so familiar to me, and I felt safe. The weight of the day fell onto me and I felt drained of energy. I closed my eyes hoping only to rest for a moment but accidentally fell asleep. Always on the couch it seemed, it must have just been that comfy.

The nightmare returned to me, but this time the people were dead. As I walked among the bodies I spotted a familiar white outfit.

"No!" I yelled and ran over to him. "No please, Japan wake up." I knew he wasn't going to however. He was already gone. Beside him lay his sword which I took to protect myself in this lucid dream.

"This isn't real" I told myself. "The real Japan is alive, probably watching anime or something." I smiled at that and walked away from his body. I heard a growl echo off the buildings. I drew the sword looking around.

"Who's there?" I called out. The growl turned to laughter it seemed and as I looked out at the horizon I saw it. What seemed like black smoke was rolling across the earth like a dust storm. I tried to run but I was frozen in place. The black smoke rolled faster towards me now and I braced myself for when it hit. The smoke hit with such force it threw me into the air. I couldn't see anything and it felt like I was falling in an endless void. When I screamed the smoke got in my lungs causing me to start coughing.

I continued to cough even as I woke up. I was surprised to find that I was in my bed. I lay back down, glad that I had woken up. I hated those nightmares, so real that sometimes it was hard to tell what was real and what was false. I sighed and got up to check on the clothes, which were now dry. After changing into my clothes, which were now comfortably warm, I took Ivan's coat to him.

"Hello there, feeling better are we?" He stashed away all his weapons in his coat.

"Yeah, how are you? Are you healing properly? Come to think of it when did you last eat? And don't tell me you've been drinking that vodka because." I was stopped by Ivan when he kissed me again.

"You worry too much, I've faced worse."

"That doesn't mean I can't worry at all."

A few days passed and my shoulder had mostly healed. It was still sore sometimes, the muscle was still healing, but my skin had repaired itself. Unfortunately I wasn't the only one that was being haunted by the events that had taken place. Russia had his nightmares and even though I wanted to stay with him he insisted that I take a break and visit Japan.

"Konichiwa Japan." We both bowed to each other, as was custom in our cultures.

"Konichiwa Ciskaria. You really have grown up. Come inside." We sat down together at his table and he brought out some tea.

"How are you these days?" I asked.

"I'm doing well. I don't really need to ask how you're doing. I've heard what happened."

"I figured America would go off telling everyone." I sighed staring into my tea.

"Yes, well, he seems impressed actually. The other nations too, we'd like you to join the UN."

"Really?! Of course! It'd be great to have allies." I smiled happily. I had never imagined becoming a part of the UN, I figured I would always be too small to even begin to compare to any other country. The rest of the night I happily watched anime with Japan, we were really the only two countries that watched anime all the time. Of course there were people in America that watched anime but we loved it by nature. That night I woke up to my phone going off. Before I'd left I'd bought a cell phone so that Russia could call me if he needed to.

"What's wrong Ivan?" I asked sleepily. I heard a sigh of relief.

"I just needed to hear your voice." I looked at the time on my phone. 1:17 am.

"Have you even gotten any sleep yet?" I sighed and sat up rubbing my eyes. A pause before he answered.

"Yes, have you?" He asked.

"I was sleeping until you woke me up, but it's fine of course. I don't need you, well, you know." During one of his episodes I'd had to wrench a knife from his grasp. You don't need to know why, it's probably easy to figure out.

"Goodnight Ciska."

"Goodnight Ivy." I hung up and settled back onto the mat. For the time being I didn't have any more of the lucid dreams, I had mostly forgotten them. Much like your past however, it doesn't remain buried forever.

During my visit with Japan Germany and Italy came over. Italy was very sweet and a bit funny to watch. I was a little confused however because I could see a faint red line, like string, that connected both of them. When we were alone I asked Japan what it was.

"So you see it too? It means that they're soulmates. Everyone has a red string." He explained.

"Ah, I suppose it's not surprising. They do seem to care about each other very much." I watched as Italy hugged Germany, they looked perfect together. "They don't know it though do they?"

"Nope, unfortunately it seems we're the only ones who can see these ties, but even then you can't see your own." As I looked at Japan I noticed the faint red line that seemed to fade off into the distance. I wondered who his soulmate was.

"I wonder who mine is, do you know?"

"Yes, but telling you would be cheating."

"Oh come on. If I knew yours I'd tell you."

"I think you already know who it is though. There's no need for me to tell you." I wondered if he meant Ivan, I hoped he did at least. Watching Germany and Italy together made me long for a relationship like that. It was nice to watch however, it was like watching a tv show. Japan and I both secretly shipped the two now.

Soon I decided it was time to go home. Feliciano was hugging me as I made my way to the door. Ludwig had to pull him off me which made me laugh.

"I'm sure I'll see you at the next world conference." I bowed formally. "Arigato onii-chan. Goodbye Ludwig and Feliciano." I waved and headed on my way. Ivan was there to greet me when I arrived home. He pulled me into a big hug before I was even in the house.

"You didn't dirty up the place while I was gone did you?"

"No, I'm not that messy da?"

"Of course not, you're not Romano." I tweaked his nose and headed into the kitchen. I noticed a few bottles of vodka were missing from the fridge but I pretended I didn't see it. I grabbed a drink and sat down with him at the dining table.

"I can't believe I get to go with you for the next world conference though. It'll be nice to see all the countries again. The only thing I'm worried about is America. From what Japan said he didn't seem very upset but...I don't know." I took a sip of my drink.

"Don't worry, he wouldn't try anything at a world conference. That's like asking to start world war 3."

"I suppose you're right."

Reminding myself of this I followed Ivan into the building where the world conference was held. My brother was there, and Canada as well, poor Canada though, no one ever seemed to notice him. I saw France, England, China, and near the front of the room, America. I kept my gaze away from him, trying to avoid eye contact.

Except that it didn't work. Alfred, is nosy, extremely nosy, and I can see why most of the other countries don't like him that much. Well, except Matthew, but even then I think he hides a deep hatred for his brother.

"Hi Ciska! Hi Ivan! I heard you guys are making a new missile." Alfred started nudging him. "Don't go blowing me up aye?" He started laughing and I watched, surprisingly as Ivan kept smiling.

"That's the point though da?" His expression went dark for a moment causing America to tense up before moving on to bug his brother, England.

"Jesus, I'm not going to last a minute here with these guys."

"Just smile, they're not all bad da?" Ivan whispered in my ear before taking his seat.

And so the countries gathered together to discuss politics, economics, and environmental issues. Or at least that's what I thought would happen. Alfred started off the meeting with one of his outrageous ideas. Everyone started to argue and I wondered how anything could get done. When I looked at Ivan he continued smiling, as if this happened every time. There was a slam on the table as Germany finally stood up, I was glad I wasn't the only one who wanted to get stuff done.

"I agree with Germany, you're all a bunch of blabbering idiots who can't agree on anything." I walked up to the board much to everyone's surprise. "Sit down Alfred. Now if you'd all stop making up these stupid ideas for war machines that'd be great. You should be glad there isn't another world war going on, no offense Ludwig. Instead you should be focusing on your people, of course it's a great idea to keep training troops, but let's think reasonably here. Your people are what help your nations run, so shouldn't you be focusing more on what they need?"

"Thank you Ciska, that's what I've been trying to say here! Enough with these idiotic missions that get us in no better position than we were before." Germany said. For the rest of the meeting everyone actually got along, but deep down I wondered if it was because they were afraid of what I might do if they didn't listen. I was thinking this after the meeting when I was interrupted by France.

"Bonjour! You are very pretty for a girl with such a rough mind. You remind me of me! Looking fabulous as I battle my enemies." He flipped his long blonde hair. "I think it's a good thing that you joined us Madame." He put an arm around me and talked some more before freezing.

"Uhh, sorry for bothering you bye!" He quickly hurried off as Ivan approached.

"Were you scaring him?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Scaring who?" He asked innocently with his adorable smile. I immediately regretted asking, France only thought Russia was scary, when he probably wouldn't have done anything. Then again, he was hitting on me, I thought. I laughed on the inside at the thought of Ivan chasing off Francis.

"Never mind, are we finished here now? I feel a bit awkward." I glanced around at the other nations.

"Da, we can go home now."

"Oh, let me say goodbye to Japan first." I hurried over to where he was talking with Germany and Italy.

"Guten tag Ciska, danke for supporting my opinion in there." I didn't exactly know much German but I knew enough to know what Ludwig was saying.

"No problem, mind if I steal my brother for a minute?" Without waiting for an answer I dragged Japan away from them.

"I'm getting ready to leave so I wanted to say goodbye, but I also wanted to ask. You see the tie between France and England too right?"

"Oh definitely, but they argue so much, it'd be impossible to get them to realize they're soulmates."

"I guess you're right. I still don't know who you have ties with. You're very mysterious brother." I smiled. "Well, I better go before Ivan drags me away." Since we were a bit isolated I gave him a quick hug. I knew of course that he wasn't big on physical contact like that but I also knew he secretly liked hugs.

"Sayonara no imōto." Goodbye, little sister. I smiled as I rejoined Ivan so that we could leave.

"Alright, time to go before Alfred runs over here and I have to sock him in the face." I said glancing around. Ivan laughed and linked his arm with mine.

"I think I'd enjoy watching that."

Home again. It always felt good to come home after being away, and with being a nation and traveling a lot it felt even better.

"I'm going to bed, like right now." I yawned as we walked in the door. It was late already since we'd stayed around after the meeting for a bit.

"Sounds good, goodnight lyublyu." He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before heading down the hall to his room. As for me I headed to mine. I quickly changed into some warm pajamas and curled up beneath my covers.

And the nightmare began.

A black void, so dark I could barely see my hands in front of my face. I felt as if I was falling. Nearby I could hear something clatter. Japan's sword, I thought and reached out for it. My hands found a solid object and grabbed it. As soon as I did there was a flash of brilliant white light, as if an angel was appearing. As it faded away I found myself in a cell, dark, damp, disgusting, and in the back, with his hands and legs in chains, Ivan.

"Ivan!" I yelled and, dropping the sword, I rushed to his side. "Ivan, please answer me. I'm going to get us out of here." I reached out to touch him, in response he lashed out at me, causing me to stumble back. I could hear my heart beating in my chest, how could this be happening to my Ivan? It seemed as if he didn't even recognize me, and I was terrified. Just then the door to the cell opened and in walked a woman. I stood up, grabbed Japan's sword, and drew it to protect Ivan.

"Stay back!" I shouted.

"You've finally arrived, Ciska." The woman said my name in disgust.

"How do you know my name?" I asked as she stepped into a patch of light so I could see her more clearly.

"Don't you know? I gifted you with my powers, pathetic, you should be thanking me child!" My concentration faltered as I saw her features, dark hair, a face that continued to change into terrible disfigurements, the real Ciskaria, the goddess of death. "Now surrender to me, or Russia will pay the price as he already has." I knew immediately what I had to do and cast Japan's sword away. The clattering sound of it hitting the stone floor echoed and then I found myself chained up to a pole.

"What do you want from me?!" I screamed pulling on the chains. "I am worthless, just a scrap of land that no one bothered to claim! I have nothing!"

"But someone thinks you're so much more. There's something on that island of yours, something that makes you powerful. Use it to destroy your enemies! No one could stop you! You could have killed America if it hadn't been for that Russian communist." Ciskaria stepped out of the shadows.

"Don't you dare call him that!" I yanked on the chains again, wishing I could wring her neck. "I'll never kill any of the nations, there's nothing you can do to make me."

"Oh now, I wouldn't go making assumptions of what I can do."

The pain started at my feet, like fire it started to engulf me as my screams echoed in the empty void, with no one around to hear me. My last thought as I fell to my knees was that this must have been how Joan of Arc felt, when she was burned at the stake, that this was how it had felt for her to die.

I woke up sweating and I would have sat up if I hadn't noticed the arm wrapped around me. I was laying on my side and when I looked over I found Russia beside me. I took a deep breath, calming myself down, he must have had a nightmare as well and come over to my room. My fright quickly turned to embarrassment when I realized that I was in pajamas, and Ivan didn't have a shirt on. This is perfectly normal, I told myself, you slept together when you were a kid.

It's a lot different now, I also thought. I carefully rolled over to face him and gave him a quick kiss. My breath was still shaky as I wrapped my arms tightly around him. I couldn't get the thought of him in that cell out my head and I started crying. Ivan shifted as he woke up. When he saw me crying he tried to comfort me.

But it was too late.

I fell into depression, allowing the dreams to consume me. Around this same time my country began to have financial problems. An early winter killed all the crops and people struggled to get food. Russia supplied us with food as much as they could but people were soon fearful that the government would collapse. The chaos began to tear me apart. I was constantly in pain so I hardly ever left my bed. My brother visited several times, Canada visited twice, but neither could get me to speak or do so much as nod in agreement to something. As my condition only worsened I began to fear that my nation would be dissolved, and that I would disappear. At the same time I wondered if my disappearance would be for the better. I wasn't sure if the dreams I had meant something, but I did know that I had a very large power that I didn't know how to control. I could hurt those I loved, and I wouldn't realize what I'd done until it was too late.

Several years had passed before anything got better. My country started to get back on it's feet. The discovery of many minerals beneath the surface helped us out financially. The pain started to die down but I still wouldn't move much. Ivan had to force me to eat whatever he could. Anytime I saw him, I saw him in the cell in my dream and started to cry.

"We're leaving tomorrow." He told me when he came into my room. "You need to go back to your homeland for a bit and I'll be coming home after you're settled." I had to look away from him. "I just want you to be happy again. I miss that smile of yours, I miss how you care for everyone." I felt his hand on my head as he flattened my hair.

Just as he said the next day we headed for my home. The place was in good shape granted I hadn't been there in a while. Someone had obviously been taking care of it. I wandered through the rooms for a bit, checking on everything. Russia watched me as I did.

"Will you be okay? I've got to go home." I nodded from where I was standing in front of a fireplace. There were pictures on the mantel of when I was younger.

"Call me if you want to talk. Please call me." He said as he walked over and wrapped me in a hug.

"Gomen'nasai." I said quietly. I felt that I had been causing so much trouble.

"Don't apologize." He said. "Just, try to feel better." After that, he left and as I watched I saw the faintest trace of his red tie. I tried to concentrate on where it was going but it faded too quickly.

The government of my people was a bit odd. We had become democratic and ran elections for a president. Since there wasn't enough people on the island to have a lot of representatives there was only one branch. On the island there were many different 'tribes' among the villages and towns. Each tribe had a leader and a representative. The representatives gathered and discussed what laws would be presented to the voters. These laws had to be followed by all the tribes but individual tribes could make their own rules for small things. Every year the people voted on new laws that the representatives wanted to get passed. So far the government had worked out well for us. Until the depression of course. They came back stronger than ever though.

As for me, I started to travel the island. I met with the different tribe leaders and for once I spent a lot of time on my home island. Everyone I met was very happy, you could hardly tell they had just been through troubling times.

"You seem troubled miss. Why don't you come tell an old woman your problems?" An elder in one of the towns asked me from her porch. She invited me into her home and made some tea.

"Now tell me, why do you seem so down, hm?"

"I'm worried I'll hurt someone I love." I told her. "So I've been trying to distance myself I suppose."

"Don't you think you're hurting them anyway? If this person loves you back, don't you think it hurts them to be away from you?"

"Yes, but how am I supposed to know I won't hurt them?"

"You don't, love is always confusing and scary. Sometimes you've just got to take the risk." The lady stood up from her chair. "Now miss, if I were you, I would go back to this man you love. Love is always worth the risk."

And that night I had the nightmare again.

"Come back to surrender?" Ciskaria asked.

"I will never surrender to you." I broke the chains around my hands. "You can never force me to do what you want." I started to move towards her as she stumbled back in surprise.

"I won't let you kill as I have." I heard Ivan's voice as he grabbed my wrist. "You know your strength, she won't hurt you now." I turned to face him and Ciskaria disappeared.

"And what if she does come back?" I asked.

"Then I would give my life to protect you from her, from yourself."

When I woke up I knew exactly what I was going to do. I was going home.