Something Blue

Part 5

Mitch POV

I didn't mean to hear part of their conversation at all. I swear.
I was just passing along the hallway on my way to talk to some of the crew, and I happened to pass by the room Esther and Scott were in, and although honestly I wasn't surprised about Scott having doubts about Alex, I was surprised he didn't come to me. Yes, stuff doesn't always come easy to him to talk about, but relationships have been an open book for us, I guess until now. Thinking past this, I've tried to not think about the reason he didn't want to tell me, but even then those thoughts worm their way in anyway.
Maybe he's reached a point where he wants advice from his married friends, not his single best friend anymore, or maybe he was scared I would judge him and tell him something he wouldn't agree with. And having engagements, something both of us have never experienced until now, might make him skeptical to my opinions????
Regardless, this whole issue is bugging me, but there is no way I could address it to Scott, perhaps it was only this once. Maybe I'm just reading to much into this as well, I don't need to know everything right?
We might be best friends but that doesn't give me a one way ticket to knowing his business about his relationship and his wedding, but it has been my business before. Or maybe not.
I'm not sure if even Scott knows he wants to tell me his real doubts but hopefully he chooses to see me as a haven as much as Esther.
Disrupting me from my thoughts is the man himself, Scott. He walks into our dressing room with his shoulders tensed up, and his eyes averting anywhere but to me.
"Scott??" I had to say something his reluctance to look me in the face is troubling. "Mhm?" He responded, just a noise not even a word. It's fine, I'm calm, I'm staying calm, I'll just ask him if he's ok and maybe some stuff about the announcement no big deal. "How's stuff going, you left the room after talking to Alex, is the announcement going well?...." "Or is there something you'd like to talk about." I said hopefully sounding somewhat less interested than I was in this topic. I'm waiting for Scott to answer, and nothing. I assume he's thinking about how to tell me everything might not be going as smoothly as he's hope, but what I feel like he's going to tell me might not be that.
"No umm actually I'm not sure how it's going, I talked to Esther, and she assured me it's going well, but I'm still skeptical. I don't think Alex wants me to tell the world just yet." He said, still avoiding my gaze. I need him to look at me, lord please let him look at me.
Nothing.

Scott POV

I couldn't look at him, no matter how much I wanted to look at those brown eyes, I knew that if I did, I would tell him right then and there that I was worried. That I was worried I was marrying someone I wasn't meant to be with, that although I love Alex more than anything, I didn't love him more than the person I couldn't bear to look. I knew if I looked at him I would say the wrong things, I knew I would say that I wasn't ready to tell the world yet either, because then there'd be no going back. Back to him.
"I think Alex loves you and if he is holding back , it's for you, Scott" Mitch, oh Mitch, even though I know he knows I'm avoiding his gaze, he still gives me great advice. "I think he's just trying to make sure you're ready" he pauses.
Without thinking I look up, having the gap of silence stretching Mitch's words in my mind, left me wanting to know why. Why he stopped there.
His eyes are staring straight back at me, his eyebrows are a bit furrowed, but his attention unwavering.
"Scott, tell me."
Silence again.
"I'm not ready."

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The screams are loud tonight, they almost sound like the first time. Like the first time we ever held a concert, when the loudest screams to us meant bigger than just the five us and our families. It was a moment of realization, that people had watched us, and believed in our talent. That the sing-off really did give us exposure, and gave us the light to shine. Tonight felt like that night. The audience is much bigger of course, and the whole set up of our tour was much larger and sophisticated. However, the people who perform, this amazing band I'm in, still have the heart and soul of kids living their dreams.
Watching the lights turn off, and the screams get lost in the darkness, I hear Kirstie open the intro song, and I can't help but get jitters. This part, the part where we sing and become our best selves never gets old.
"How's everyone doing tonight!!" I scream, out into the crowd who responds much louder than I. I'm so fortunate, to have these people love our work.
And I'm also fortunate to have someone to love me.
Out in the middle of performing and standing in front hundreds of people. 
I have a realization.

It's a blinding moment of truth, that surrounds my performance, and my voice. I can't unsee the crowds and him in it, even though I know he's home. Alex loves me, he really loves me.

This entire day I was worried he wasn't ready to be with me, to be a part of this world that loves my music. The world that makes me famous for my music. But, in reality he is more than ready, time and time again he has shown this, and I've ignored it. If anything, time and time again I have shown I didn't want him with me. But I do want him, and I always have, and he wants me. And I know that deep, deep down I have been waiting for one other person to show this type of love to me, to be as ready as Alex. But I know now, in front of all these people how much I hadn't seen that before.
I love Alex.

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"I can't believe you cried during On my Way Home, honey it's not a sad song." Kirstie tried consoling me, but I knew she was kind of laughing at me. "Honestly, I was thinking about Alex. Out there I made a realization, and I don't know it made me emotional." I said wanting to tell her the truth. "Aww, Scott that is amazing, I'm glad you made a breakthrough!" She said sounding so excited, she couldn't help but go in for a hug. Mid hug I see Mitch from across the room. I guess he heard what I told Kirstie. He had a small smile pointed my way, and he looked happy for me. At least that's good.
"I think I'm going to do something kinda crazy" I whisper into Kirstie's ears, wanting to tell at least someone before I do it.
"Oooo, tell me" I knew she'd be excited to hear it.

Mitch POV

He actually did it. He actually announced his engagement, to everyone. I mean I knew he had to because he was getting married, but man it really happened. And in one of the best ways he could've done it, that tweet could make almost anyone swoon. Holding in my hand is my phone opened to Scotts latest tweet, with a link to him crying at yesterday's show. Great and all, but then you read the caption....
"Loved performing for you guys! You see how emotional I have gotten..it doesn't help that I was thinking of my amazing fiancé @/Alexander_kirk ❤️"
He called him his fiancé, it's over. Whatever I once thought I could have with Scott, what Scott once wanted a blue moon ago will never be possible, this love we've had mingling and mixing with the air will turn sour. Not like it was going to go any other way, but still. At the end it had always been me and him, even when we meant it never to happen, it was supposed to.

It was supposed to.