Castles in the Sky

On the Imitation of Life

However many words I have mounted towards materializing a feeling, an instance - whatever so moves me - I am not only struck by the immensity of the task, viz. the sheer difficulty of comprehending what is truly at stake; what needs to be done to, so to speak, "wrap one's mind around it all;" but also how ponderous the weight of it is, how arduous must my attempts and resolute my willing be; and how possibly futile, how daunting; how impossible it all just might be, could be...

But as we speak, there are two different types of impossibility: First, impossibility per se - that is, a cat being a dog, or a dog being both a dog and not a dog at the same time. Second, impossibility ex ante - that is, the chances being so extremely slim, that, e.g. you don't expect yourself persevering enough to finish travelling around the world... Their conflation is the source of despair concerning our anticipation of what we can, or cannot do, and thus directly impacts our sense of achievement.

Here I accept, or want to accept, or hypnotize myself into accepting, (whichever makes most sense to you) that these words are not at all eager to leap at encompassing life (even swallowing), becoming Life... they are, simply, the imitation of life - a sizable life made 'manageable' - that itself, the miniature, and the scrawly, doodly, haphazard nature of the form of the representation, is the mere (it is what it is!) locus at which we enjoy exercising a sort of condensed control and territory-becoming-map-type oversight, and an experience of the sensualized appreciation of life... The imitation is never to become the whole, but merely to resemble, and the look-alikeness is what amuses! The clever infusing of what one'd like to accentuate, want to say, to make felt, and make known, to typify, or elevate - is what is picked up, and what is to be known!

The immensity of the first task is dwarfed by this project: to let the small, sensitive, parts of oneself be so known, and not misrepresenting oneself! (while the feelings may fail to be materialized, one's 'self' may emerge as triumphant in the process of constant failings!) - That might as well be the most difficult of all - be true, be true! (but how true must one be? We are no philosophers, and so we rest our case in the beginning; as pragmatists, true enough is true; what is enough? Keep looking is enough.) - only giving the impression of it being so close to being possible... - yet, at this moment, and the moment next, (it seems) very impossible! I look forward to the point where we may transgress with pride - the boundary...

26 April 2016, L.B.