Don't Get Lost

Innocence

    We finished our grilled cheese and mom told us to go play in the basement. We left the bench seats at the table leaving behind our flower shaped plates and walking over to the basement stairs across the living room. we go down stairs and each go in our separate directions to play with our toys, Colin his trucks and I my dolls. "Kity!" that's what Colin calls me because he cant say Kitley. I walk over to see what he wants.

   We aimlessly play for hours listening to the door open and shut a few times above us assuming mom went for a smoke. Bed time rolls around and we curl up in bed and await morning.

    Its Sunday and we will have school again tomorrow, I don't really like school but that's only because of the bullies. But Sunday also means daddy will be home and we always miss daddy.

   Mom calls us for breakfast we come out of our rooms, and we get some cereal. After breakfast Colin and I play in my room he brings his trucks and moves things for my Barbies, after a while he gets bored and I watch in horror as he rips the head off my doll. I let out a high pitched scream and he laughs at the sound grabbing another doll.

   I quickly take it from him getting mad and he of course begins to cry. Because that's just what you do when you're four. Mom comes in "what did you do!?" she yells looking at me and picking up my now screaming baby brother "nothing! He broke my doll!" I say frustrated. "Well that's no reason to make him cry!" she says cradling him. He squirms and pushes away from her, he hates being held. I sit on my bed and cross my arms upset that she thought it was my fault. Mom just puts Colin down and grits her teeth saying "thank god your fathers coming home" walking away. Colin turns around and hits me "MOM" I yell holding my arm where his fist hit "FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELVES" she yells back.

   We stay in our separate rooms after that quietly playing and waiting for daddy to get home. I hear the front door squeak and run to the door jumping as daddy scoops me up in his arms hugging me "hi daddy" I whisper hugging him tight "hey princess" he whispers kissing my cheek and gently putting me down picking up Colin and hugging him as well. 

   We play in the living room and watch TV until daddy falls asleep on the couch and we start to get tired too and mom says its time for bed. Daddy tucks us in and says goodnight. I quickly fall asleep.

   I can feel wetness on my cheek and my neck and back hurt, I lift my head trying to look around in the dark of my room, I sniffle a few times and wipe the tears from my face leaning back against the door clutching my pillow.

   I've done this before. Cried in my sleep. I listen noticing the voices now. Mom and daddy are fighting, and its really loud. I hold my breath and try to listen to what they're saying hoping its not my fault...
"IM RAISING THEM ALONE STEVEN, YOU'RE NEVER HERE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS" mom screams walking closer to my room making it easier to hear "Listen to me I know its hard but THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER. I cant trust you anymore Tanya. I want a divorce." my dad says. He what... What does that mean?

   "HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO OUR FAMILY!?" she screams at him I hear a loud smash and a swear from mom... I hope no one got hurt I'm imagining the worst. "No Tanya you did this the minute you let him in this h...." I try to listen harder but I cant hear them anymore... upset and crying I crawl over to my bed trying my best to be quiet so they don't know I'm awake. I quickly dose off tears drying on my pillow.