The Fault In Our Dreams

i.

"Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality." -Nikos Kazantzakis

~*~

It was dark. The only thing I heard is the constant sobs associated with the call of my name. But I couldn't stop thinking about... About...

Who?

Augustus Waters.

I slowly opened my eyes. I had to squint due to the bright light. I felt around for something. A hand?

"Augustus?" I croaked out.

"Hazel!"

It wasn't Augustus. It couldn't be. It's a female's voice. My mother's, I presumed. I shifted my eyes to the person beside me. Her long blonde hair was pulled into the messy ponytail. Her cheeks were puffy and splotchy. My mouth felt dry as did my lips.

My mother rose to her feet and came close to me. She began to brush the hair out of my face. I tried to hold back the tears but it couldn't... He was... He had to have been real.

Right?

"Where's-" I started, "where's Augustus?"

My mother furrowed her eyebrows and sniffled. "Who?"

I tried to sit up but I struggled. Mom eased her hand under my back and helped me up. Immediately sensing the discomfort, she removed her hand. She handed me that plastic cup filled with a clear liquid. Water, of course.

I drank it without a thought. The cool liquid soothed my dry throat. I gave the cup back to my mother and she set the cup down on the wooded table from which she had retrieved it.

"Augustus," I repeated. "He was here. Tall. Blue eyes and- and--"

"Hazel Grace, you've been out of it for a few weeks," Mom informed me. She smiled and pressed a kiss against my forehead. "I should go get the doctor. And your father. Is there anything you need?"

I shook my head. She left the room. I felt like crying.

How long have I been out? What happened to me? What happened to Augustus?

I wondered if he was even real. Uncertainty was a strong emotion in me at the moment. The doors open and in came Dad with Mom and a doctor. A female with dark hair and dull, green eyes. She was holding a clipboard and her oval glasses rested upon her nose.

"Hazel Grace Lancaster," she stated. "You were out for quite some time."

"What happened to me?" I ask.

I saw my parent exchange looks. It worried me a lot that they did that. Is something wrong with me?

Besides the fact that I have lung cancer.

"You passed out due to lack of oxygen, anoxia. We were able to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation and we had to put you into a induced coma."

I nodded understandingly but I didn't care about what she was saying. I just wanted to know where Augustus Waters was.

"Where's Augustus?" I asked again.

"Augustus?"

"He's tall, brown hair, blue eyes..."

Mom sat beside me at the edge of the bed. The look in her eyes made me feel insane like she was trying to tell me that with her eyes.

He was real. He had to be. Or so I thought. Or maybe...

I didn't want to think about it. How could I?

"Hazel, sweetheart," she began.

"Don't patronize me," I snapped. They all stared at me. But they couldn't tell me what I knew. Right? "He's real. I know he is. We went to Amsterdam and- and we watched V For Vendetta. And we even--"

"Hazel Grace, you've never been to Amsterdam. It was probably--"

"It wasn't a dream. It was real. I know it was." 

I scrunched my nose as I tried to withhold my tears. I didn't for long because the tears broke through like a never ending river. I kept defending the idea. He had to be real, I kept telling myself. I couldn't stop myself. It's only so hard.

"Ms. Lancaster, it must have been a hallucination. You weren't getting enough oxygen to the brain which could have cause your--"

I shook my head in devastation. I no longer wished to speak to any of them.

"Get out," I say.

"Hazel--"

"Get out! Get out! Get out!"

Dad helped Mom out of the room as the doctor followed them slowly. I laid down and stare up at the ceiling letting my imagination run wild. Tears rolled down the side of my face. He has to be real... If he's not?