I KNOW!

I know I'm not pretty but you don't have to call me ugly.

I know I don't have a boyfriend but you don't have to call me a slut

I know I'm not THE nicest girl but you don't have to call me a bitch

I know I'm not worth much but you don't have to tell me to kill myself

I know no one wants to be with me but you don't have to have to insult me

I know

I know

I know it all.

I cry because I'm not good enough and will never be good enough. I cry because I'm worthless. I cry a lot. I have all the tools to kill myself. Pills, a knife, a razor, anything, I could see black at anytime. I could end my life at anytime.

But I don't. Because of them.

If it weren't for them. I wouldn't be here. They make me laugh and smile even when I want to very my hearts content. Even when I feel like overdosing on pills or sliding that blade through my vain. They're there. I know I can count in every single one of them to help me. To protect me. No matter what it is. They make me feel better about myself even when I feel like shit. If I say one bad thing about myself they are there to shut me up with compliments. It all thanks to them.

But thats only at school. Over text and email. A call on the phone.

They don't see the temptations of the weapons. How easy it is to just grab one and get it over with. Sometimes I feel like I'm done.

Especially when 'he' happened.

I cried. I ignored. I died inside.

She and he was there. Like guardian angels.

She told me don't cry. She said he wasn't worth my tears. He said not to do this to myself. Not to fall for someone who didn't even care. He didn't want to see me hurt.

I know I'm not pretty but you don't have to call me ugly.

I know I don't have a boyfriend but you don't have to call me a slut

I know I'm not THE nicest girl but you don't have to call me a bitch

I know I'm not worth much but you don't have to tell me to kill myself

I know no one wants to be with me but you don't have to have to insult me

Yet I still feel the urge. Even till this day.

To grab the pills. And the blades.

To see black and fade away.