Like A Rose

Prologue

HIS alarm clock beeped. And beeped. And beeped some more. It gets louder and louder. He groaned and turned it off.

6:43 AM, the clock reads. He grunted. Ang aga aga pa. Scratching his head, he walked to the door of his bathroom and did his usual routines.

Speaking of routines, he then goes over his things and checked the calendar just to make sure if there is anything that will differentiate his week, rather than going to school and trying to pass all of his subjects so he can graduate next year.

Monday, July 23rd. Disappointed, he sighed. Nothing. No bueno. He kind of expected na it's still weekend, but he knows, here he goes again.

Not that he hates going to school nor the people around there, but apparently he is depressed of being so ordinary, being faced to the fact na ganun at ganun lang rin ang mangyayari. Papasok, uuwi. Kakain, matutulog.

He opened his window, stretched his arms, freely letting the cold morning breeze pacify him so he could atleast get the positivity he needs. And it did, had it not been so short lived when the loud knock from the door startled him.

"Jacob! Anong oras na! Ano ba?! Papasok ka pa ba? Magaaral ka pa ba? Sabihin mo lang kung hindi para hindi nasasayang ang pagod ko sayo!" came the nagging of his mom.

He closed the windows, picked up his bagpack and slowly opened the door, trying to face his mother as calm as possible. "Heto na, nakabihis na ko," he said in a low voice.

Hustling, he managed to get the last seat of the utility van that will take him to his university.

When he got there, things get a little more.. typical. Mga estudyanteng nagtatakbuhan dahil late na sa klase, mga magkakatropa na ang aga-agang nagyo-yosi sa likod ng tennis court, couples lurking around, and all the feels are history.. Everything is normal. Everything is at its own pace.

And somehow, it made him sick to his stomach. Hindi niya din maunawan ang sarili kung bakit.

Binatukan niya ang sarili. "Agh, tumigil ka nga, ang aga aga." This feeling got him a little distracted for a few weeks already.

Iyong pakiramdam na tipong may gusto kang gawin, iyon bang may gusto ka namang gawing bago sa buhay mo, hindi naman dahil sa sawa ka na sa mayroon ka, kundi mas gusto mo lang talagang mas maging adventurous and to take risks with new things sometimes. Hindi niya maintindihan kung dahil lang ba sa edad niya lang ito o dahil trip lang niya, o baka nababaliw na siya.

As he is walking around, he stopped when someone tapped him on the back.

"Pare! Whoo! Goodnews!" dancing like a madman, his bestfriend, Joseph, shouted at him like there's no tomorrow.

Seph is a carefree-yolo-kind-of-guy. He finds him amusing because he seems to take things very easy. Contrary of him, gusto niya lahat, kalkulado at pinagisipan. Pakiramdam niya nga minsan, parang systematized na ang lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay niya.

They sat on a bench nearby. "Oh bakit? Basted ka na?" He grinned.

Agad naman itong tumayo, pumaywang at tumindig na may ngiti ng tagumpay. Nagtaka siya. Nababaliw na din ata ito.

"First daysary namin ngayon," he said proudly. Alam na niya kung sino ang tinutukoy nito. Ang nag-iisang taong nililigawan nito na si Chloe, na mukhang sinagot na ito sa wakas. It's been years since Seph started courting her.

He laughed. "What the freak, daysary? Haha! Ang baduy mo pare!"

"Inggit ka lang kasi! Pero seryoso, para akong nanalo sa lotto pare, alam mo 'yun?" He stood up and went to go upstairs of their building. Sumunod naman agad ito sa kanya. Natawa nalang talaga siya sa kaibigan. Inlove nga ang loko.

Pagkadating nila sa room, agad siyang pumwesto sa pinakalikod. "Hindi ko alam pano mo siya nagayuma, Seph. Pero congrats, pre." Tinapik niya ito sa balikat at saka sumandal sa upuan. He tuned in with his earphones attached.

Mukhang napansin nito ang pagkabalisa niya. "Oh, problema mo? Aga-aga ah."

Tinanggal niya yung isang earpiece. "Ha? Ah. Wala 'to. Huwag mo 'kong pansinin."

"Tama nga ko. Naiinggit ka nga samin ni Chloebabeshoneypenpineappleapplepen ko. Ikaw kasi, e. Bagal bagal mo." Sabay tumawa ito.

Tinignan niya ito ng masama. "Pinagsasasabi mo? Tumigil ka nga. Kapag ako nainis mo sasabihin ko kay Chloe na mama's boy ka parin." He joked, well, he tried to.

Hindi na niya kailangang ipaliwanag. Alam nilang pareho bakit siya nagkakaganito. Ayaw lang niyang aminin sa sarili at ayaw lang din niyang pagusapan pa.

"Subukan mo kasi pre, walang mawawala, tignan mo kung nasan ako ngayon," came his friend's advice. Alam niya 'yun.

Subukan? Walang mawawala? He rarely believes that. Alam naman niya iyon, pero wala lang talaga siyang mapagkunan ng lakas ng loob para subukan ang mga bagay-bagay, ang maginitiate na gawin ang isang bagay na gusto na niyang marating. He just doesn't have motivation.

"Oo na, dun ka na nga." He shooed him away. He is about to close his eyes when he hears laughters echoed through the room.

The laugh that has followed him even through his dreams.

The giggles that can easily brighten up his gloomy day.

The smile that can turn his stomach into knots.

The presence of this certain girl—his friend, actually—that gives him positivity and assures him that everything will be fine.

Babatiin na sana niya ito ng makita niyang may kasama ito pagpasok.

She's not alone. She's never been alone. She's with someone who knows who. Again.

Akala niya, sa apat na taong nakalipas, magbabago na ang nararamdaman niya para rito. But freak, it didn't. And he fears it will never change. This is the kind of typical and normal that he doesn't want to get used to.

Slowly, as she passes him by, oblivious that he's there, he suddenly felt there's something inside of him that's raging.. or aggravating to the point that he wants to throw fit. Naasar siya. Hindi sa kung sino.

Naasar siya sa sarili niya. Bakit wala siyang ginawa? Napakadaming pagkakataon ang sinayang niya sa pagaakalang mas doon siya mananatali sa babaeng pinakamamahal niya.

She made him feel like he's missing something. That he needs more than what they have right now for a long time.

He understands fully now. He knows it's what the disturbing feeling is all about.

He needs to move, or he'll be left behind, stuck with the persona he knows; a mediocre loser.