I'm More Than My Scars

It's Just The Beginning

I hugged my books tight to my chest and hung my head. Words traveled across the halls and looks were exchanged. They were all talking about the rumor. I yanked open my locker and put my books at the bottom. I stood and leaned against the blue, steel locker and waited patiently for Danielle.

She has been my friend since late 6th grade. We have tons in common, yet have completely different shells. I'm more girly and she's more punk. I wear colors and she wears mostly black, red and grey. I have golden brown hair that waves down to my middle back and she has short, jet back hair that falls just above her shoulders. I have emerald green eyes and she has milk chocolate eyes. She's, like most, taller than me. We both live completely different lives, too. Danielle lives with her mom and brother Kale, but visits her dad, stepmom, and little brother Aaron on the weekends. I live with my mom and older sister Jeanie. My dad occasionally comes homes on weekends, but not all the time, which isn't the worst thing.
Danielle greeted me with a high-five and immediately jumped into conversation about Patrick Stump.

"Okay, so Patrick's birthday is in 3 days and I'm freaking out! I'm gonna wear a fedora, a leather jacket, jeans, velcro shoes, and sing soul punk all day," she rambled. She adjusted her black glasses and continued on about Patrick Stump. "He's so wonderful. I'm gonna marry him. Oh my God! And when Pete's birthday rolls around I'm gonna, sigh. I. Just. Can't. Wait. Hey, what's wrong with you?" she asked while waving a hand in front of my face. I shook my head and smiled. "Okay then." God, it was so easy to fake happiness around here. I just wanted to scream that I wasn't okay. I wanted everyone to know my pain, but I chose to suffer in silence instead.

It's not like they don't already know, I thought to myself.

Danielle chose to continue on about Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz until we got into the lunch line. She pulled the sleeves of her Fall Out Boy sweatshirt down and then changed the subject back to me. "Are you sure you're okay? You look pale and sad." I nodded my head in hopes she couldn't read my mind because on the inside I was screaming for help.

I walked to our table and sat down next to my boyfriend, Chris. He gave me a quick smile then turned back to his conversation with Luke about football. Chris has brown hair and beautiful, dark brown eyes. He is, too, taller than me and has a smile that lights up my world. He means everything to me and knows me better than anyone. He always knows how to cheer me up. It's a wonder why he couldn't read me right now..

Luke is his best friend. Luke has short blonde and ocean blue eyes. He is always wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. I gazed at Chris and watched him passionately argue with Luke about how the Dallas Cowboys were a better football team than the Pittsburgh Steelers. I could agree, even though I was a Cleveland Browns fan. Chris continued to argue while I turned back to Danielle and shared funny stories from our day so far.

"Oh God, have you been to math yet?" Danielle asked me.

"No. Why?"

"You have to ask him what percent it takes to remember the name. You won't regret it!" She giggled. Then we half sang Remember The Name by Fort Minor while muching on a soft brownie that her mom made for us.

Once Chris had finished eating, he grabbed my hand. Danielle rolled her eyes and looked away. I didn't understand why she wasn't happy for me or why that upset her so much, but I've never had the guts to get the answer.

"I love you," Chris whispered into my ear.

I smiled and whispered back, "I love you more."

He gave me a stern look before saying, "I'm not arguing with you." I raised my eyebrows as if to say, "I win" then flashed a goofy smile. He grinned then squeezed my hand. I knew I was in love and I could tell he was too.

Too bad there's that rumor. I winced at this. There was always a voice telling me negative things about the positive.

The bell rang and we rushed back to our lockers. I gave Chris a quick hug then ran to my 5th period class. Mrs. Taylor was sitting behind her desk when I entered. I sat in my assigned seat and waited patiently for class to begin. Mrs. Taylor was about to start a new lesson when the office beeped in.

"Mrs. Taylor?" a lady on the loud speaker asked.

"Yes?"

"Can I have Jade Lowell for dismissal please?"

"Yes you can. She'll be down in a second."

"Okay, thank you."

A kid in my class leaned toward me and said, "I thought you drove to school this morning?" I shrugged and headed to my locker. After stopping at my other classes for homework, I went down to the office.

"Your mom called in and said it was a family emergency. You're free to leave," a lady at the desk informed me. I nodded and headed to my car.

On the ride home, I couldn't stop thinking about what was wrong. She should be at work anyhow. Did someone get hurt? I started to panic. I swallowed the lump in my throat, took a deep breath and convinced myself that everything would be okay.

About 15 minutes later, I pulled into the gravel driveway that led to my house and parked in front of the garage. I marched through the front door and walked to the living room.

"Mom? What's wrong?" She was sitting on the couch and her face was tear stained and red. She was staring out the window at the woods that surrounded our house. She stared at me with her puffy, bloodshot eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked again. She shook her head and opened her mouth, but no words came out. Not even a sound. "Mom, answer me!" She closed her eyes.

"Jade, Jade, Jade. If only you knew," she said as she shook her head.

"Knew what, mom? Tell me!" I knew raising my voice wasn't the answer, but I was growing impatient.

"Its you're father. He was on his way home this afternoon. He was drinking, as usual, and he drove right off the highway. He's at the Cleveland Clinic, poor bastard. I was on my way there when they asked if my name was Julie. I guess he was asking for his ex-wife. Not his wife of 14 wasted years," she shook her head and frowned, "I guess I wasn't enough for his sorry ass. All I know is he ain't coming back home."

I stood there in silence. I wanted to know if he was okay, but that wasn't the main idea of the story. My mom was hurt from his lying, cheating ass and I had to be on her side no matter how worried I was. I choked back tears and held my breath. He's gonna die, I thought, he's gonna die and I won't be there with him.

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Hey! This is my first book and I really hope you guys like it. I've tried really hard to crank a good first chapter out and hopefully this is it!!! I've started writing on Wattpad to keep my mind occupied when I get upset. I'll write another chapter soon!
~QueenOfDispair~