Bonds (Transformers Fanfic) [On Hold]

Filler: Author Emotions

Hey guys.... very bittersweet night for me. I didn't get my position I wanted but I got such an amazing award from amazing veterans.

This chapter doesn't directly tie into the story, but it goes along with it. Have to get this sadness out of me :'( I'd rather write then go sobbing to my pillow.

IMPORTANT. This takes place after Blurr became Optimus's son and before Blurr gains the honor of serving in the Hall of Relics. Btw, he had both masks on at the time.

Enjoy?~

Blurr felt disgusted with himself. How weak and stupid he had been.

He punched a wall, denting it, "FRAG!" He watched as it crumbled to the ground, just like the world around him. Reaching up, he ripped his mask off, shattering it within his servo.

"Why.....why.....WHY am I not good enough?!" Blurr fell to his knees, hitting his helm against the wall.

He should've tried harder. He should've seized the moment, then maybe, maybe he could've been commander. Maybe then, he could've protected those bots. How the frag he wasn't choosen, made Blurr grit his teeth in anguish.

He could hear it. The desprite pleas of those soliders. The haunting looks on their faces when the other bot stepped up to claim his position while Blurr got Elite Guard duty at the Hall of Relics.

He knew that the bot was send the soliders to their deaths. Blurr could only stand and watch helplessly as the new commander marched them out.

Pimus.... Blurr still remembered the newest recruits. How terrorfied they were when they were drafted to fight in the upcoming war.

Blurr fell even further to the floor in a fetal position. He remembered watching in agony as the seekers dropped bombs atop of them. Hundreds. Killing each, and every bot and femme in the platoon. Their screams reaching the top of the tower where Blurr was stationed at. Safely.

~~~~

Optimus walked in to his small home from a long day at the office. Looking over data pads on the war. Supplies, weapons, and of course cities that would align itself with the Autobots.

He sighed, knowing that his newest son was probably upset to the spark. The platoon he trained with, was practically marched to their deaths and Optimus felt as though it was his fault. He wasn't there in time for Blurr.

Sobs echoed through out the Primes home. Silently, he rounded a corner to see Blurr curled up in a tight ball. Knees pressed firmly to his chasis while his body shook, trying to cycle air through his many vents.

Blurr's systems weren't functioning correctly and fluid leaked from his optics onto the floor.

Suddenly he felt arms wrap around him and a body resting in his back. He knew it was Optimus. His newest father, trying in some desprite way to comfort Blurr, but it only made the speedster cry harder.

"I'm sorry..... I'm sorry...." Blurr repeated as his didgets clawed at the ground, leaving scars behind. "I can never forgive myself."

"There was nothing you could've done..." Optimus spoke sullenly, rubbing Blurr's back, trying to soothe his pain.

"Optimus.... I could've done something.. anything but stand there, and because I didn't fight, they're all dead because of me!"

Optimus pulled Blurr up to his knees and press him close to his chasis, cradling his helm. "Blurr.... you are not to blame for this. No one is but the the war. Do not degrade yourself. Do not doubt your abilities or pollute their memories with your self doubt. For they will not have to suffer the wages of war any longer."

~~~~

Blurr walked into the Hall of Relics with a heavy spark. Many artifacts, trophies and ancient weapons littered the halls and vaults.

"Blurr." Ultra Magnus greeted from infront a statue of a great Prime from the past.

"Ultra Magnus, sir." Blurr stood at attention.

"This job, isn't for ones with barriers around their sparks. It is for those who open their selves up and accept our past and remember those who gave their lives for us today."

Blurr felt as though he was going to break again.

"Here, we shall remember each and every Cybertronian. It is ok to release your emotions in here. It proves that you have a pure spark." Ultra Magnus smiled.

Blurr nodded and looked about him. It was truly breathtaking. Beautiful, calm and it made one humble to be in such an honorable place.

"Follow me." Blurr walked after the bot, his teacher and the one who knew Blurr's spark best, even before they met.

And back to our original program.
I feel better now. Writing makes me feel better ^-^