Midgardian Smut

Loki discovers slashfic on the internet. Naturally, he uses it to annoy Thor, Tony and Steve.

Written for a prompt on Norsekink. This was originally posted on my AO3 account in January 2012, which was well before The Avengers came out, so please bear that in mind when reading it.

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Steve placed his laptop on the kitchen table, poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down to check his email. When Tony had first shown him a computer and the Internet he had thought he would never be able to master it, but it turned out to be pretty easy when you had someone on hand 24 hours a day who loved to show off how much he knew about technology.

He clicked on his email and started to read the first one. It was from his aunts great-great grand-daughter, a lovely little girl, just 8 years old, who regularly sent him photos and stories she had written. He loved that even all these years later, while everyone he had known was either old or dead, he still had family, a connection, in this world.

‘Dear uncle Steve,’ the email began, ‘I wrote you a story in class. It is about how much I love you and how you are my hero. My second favorite person is Iron Man. I think you should kiss him.’

Steve thought that was a slightly strange thing for an 8 year old to be saying, but carried on reading.

‘I think you and Iron Man should get married and when you do on the wedding night you should let him fuck you all night long with his hard weeping cock over and over till you beg for more.

Lots of love, Annie.

PS. Are you still a virgin?

Steve slammed the laptop lid down and ran to Tony's lab.

*

“So they don't have virus on their end… The IP address checks out, this is definitely the email they sent, but the text has changed?” Tony asked, as Steve put the phone down.

“Yes, Annie's mom said the start of the email is the same, right up until the part she says I am her hero, it's just the rest that is different,” Steve replied.

“So she didn't write the part about me being her second favorite? Well, quite frankly I'm upset.”

“Tony, can we concentrate on this?”

“OK, OK… Are your other emails normal?”

“I haven't checked them yet,” Steve said and opened the first mail. “This one is changed too, it says I should enlarge my... you know what... by 2 to 3 inches and there's a link. Should I click on it?”

“God no, and please if anyone asks you if they can pay a million dollars into your bank account, DON'T send them your details. What's next?”

“Newsletter off a company I bought a CD from.”

“Open that one.”

Steve clicked the email and said, “It all looks fine. Latest offers, company news and… Oh.”

“What?”

Steve turned the laptop round pointed at the bottom half of the email, which said:

‘OUR LATEST BLU-RAY DEALS: Get 50% off The 90 Year Old Virgin. The heart-warming tale of how Steve Rogers is tenderly relieved of his virginity by playboy Tony Stark. Get 50% off The Incredibly Well Endowed Hulk…’

Tony hit the back button, opened the next email and read the first line.

‘”Harder, Tony, harder,” Steve moaned, his legs bent up to his chest as…’