A Gang! Where?

There were once two horrible, dangerous and cruel gangs. For years they fought for territory and resources, with one gang in the East Wing and the other in the West. After the Big Battle, they realized that all the fighting was silly, and combined their forces to make an unbeatable bingo team! Yep, I just said bingo, because these two ruthless gangs live right inside the walls of Sparkly Smiles Retirement home. I will now begin to tell you their story…

It all started when Betty Beth and Johnny John came to the Home, and instantly took a dislike to each other. It was hate at first sight. Like clockwork, every day they would fight over the last Jell-O square, and trip each other with their modified walkers that now had razor sharp edges and a capsule of butter to release, making them prone to falling. One day all the residents of the Home were gathered around the TV watching Knitting Know-How, when a commercial for a new show called Gangbusters came on. And so the idea of forming gangs was born and caught the attention of no other than Betty Beth. The chosen gang members quickly sorted until each had its own wing of the Home. Betty’s gang all agreed on the name ‘Irish firedogs’ (named after a certain puppy) for their gang. 

Betty’s gang is made up of Owen, Paul, Ginger, Margret, Harry and Claire. Owen; 70 years old, is an ex-military SEAL who is very grumpy but has a soft spot for his granddaughter, who is currently a freshman in college and visits her grandpa every Wednesday. Paul; 68 years old, is a very sweet man who, after much pleading and bargaining, was able to bring his energetic Irish Setter puppy named Fyre to the Home. (Fyre is considered the ‘mascot’ of the gang). Ginger; 74 years old, is the Knitting Junkie of the group. She has made all of their costumes and is very nice and maybe slightly delusional. The jokester of the group is Margret; 66 years old, who is incredibly intelligent and can think up the most devious of pranks to play on the other gang. Harry and Claire; 69 and 71, are married and have been in the deepest of love since high school. Claire used to be a doctor and Harry was a professional horse trainer for as long as he can remember.

Harry’s gang is named the ‘Casual Crooks’ and is made up of Jim, Carolina, Bob, Greg and Kelly. Jim and Carolina; 71 years old, are twins, and always seem to finish each other’s sentences. Both are arty and fun. Bob; 80 years old, is very crazy and swears he can see the future and predicts that aliens will land in 100 years. Greg; 78 years old, is the tech wiz, and is shy and quiet. Kelly; 75 years old, last name? SARCASAM. Yes, Kelly is just full of it! Last of all are the leaders. Harry; 63 years old, is an old timer who knows his way around a farm. He is funny and sweet sometimes, annoying and full of himself other times. Now Betty; 63 years old, is a whole other story. She was born and raised a city girl, and proud of it. She is smart and brave, but also a little snooty.

Finally it’s time to tell you what happened to lead up to the Big Battle. The two gangs were having their typical shouting match in the lounge, when one of Margret’s pranks that involved a bowling ball and a bucket of mashed potatoes fell on the rival gang’s heads. That set them off and finally Harry shouted

“That’s it! This calls for war!” and smiled an evil smile. The gang members all scurried off, but not before Harry said,

 “Meet us in the lobby tomorrow at 1 p.m., or the dog gets it!” The Irish Firedogs gasped and Fyre ran to hide behind Paul.

“You listen here mister! We don’t go taken orders kindly from the likes of you!” shouted Ginger, her fingers knitting rapidly as she got more upset.

“Just meet us tomorrow, ok!” whined Kelly, “it’s not like you got anything better to do!”

“Ok, fine sounds good…” called Claire as they waved at each other and went off to bed. (Things were pretty casual in their relationships with each other, besides the whole ‘wanting to kill each other’ thing.)  The next morning proved to be an interesting one, with all of the Irish Firedogs gang members on guard and using their Ninja like senses to try and find out what the other gang was planning. They all dressed up in their black Ninja suits and picked up their wooden canes. And they looked positively frightening when they swiped black paint under each eye. The Irish Firedogs rushed out of their secret hiding spot in the deserted staff quarters (oops, well not so secret hiding spot now!) and hopped on their electronic chairs and scooters, slowly making their way down the hall… around a corner… almost there…and burst through the double doors leading into the lobby, where the other gang was waiting.

The Casual Crooks were revving the (tiny) engines on their electronic chairs and scooters. They were wearing skull bandanas and huge willowy white sheets pined across their shoulders with bobby pins, to give the appearance of a cape. Both gangs stood on either side of the lobby and stared at each other. Finally, after Ginger had readied her knitting needle bow, Betty raised her cane and yelled

“For Narnia!” and started up her scooter. The rest of her gang quickly followed suit and they were, err, ‘racing’ down the aisle.

“That’s what you’re going to say, For Narnia, really? That’s so lame… for…um…Oh for the love of… for not Narnia!” said Harry, and they all started their machines. Both gangs were headed for each other, and if one of them didn’t move, there would be a collision. The staff from the home tried to stop them, but they were overpowered by their mad fighting skills with a walker. They were almost touching and then CRASH! Or should I say pfft! The front tires of both Henrys scooter and Betty’s scooter bumped into each other and made the scooters wobble until they crashed to the floor. Betty closed her eyes, waiting for the impact, but it never came. She opened her eyes and found a groaning Harry underneath her with his arms wrapped around her protectively.

“You saved me!” she exclaimed, and they looked into each other’s eyes, never realizing that there was a connection between them. They both got big grins on their faces as they looked dreamily at each other.

From that day on the two gangs were untied, and as for the Bingo, they were all bored now that they had stopped fighting, so every Friday they all get together and practice their bingo, and enter in the big competitions. They win every time. And if you are wondering about Harry and Betty’s relationship, let’s just say they are inviting all of their gang members to the wedding! Owens granddaughter, Elizabeth, ended up buying the retirement home and fixing it up to make it more fun and enjoyable to live there. The first thing she did though was change the name from Sparkly Smiles Retirement home, to Harry and Betty’s Home, to signify the love story that went on here, and to say that happiness is never too late to find.