SHAILENE’ P.O.V.
Theo is in my apartment. Theo is in my apartment.
Theo is in my apartment and I’m not sure it’s a good idea. We were finally going back to normal.
I had taken Theo to some cheap little Chinese restaurant two blocks from our hotel but it turned out that cheap little Chinese restaurant had a forty minute wait. When the server asked us if we wanted to add our names to the list Theo turned to me and said, “Maybe we should just get it to-go? You know, find somewhere else to eat?”
“Sure.” I said. While we were waiting for our food it started drizzling a bit. But by the time we left it was pouring rain. We stood under the awning of the restaurant trying to figure out what to do. “Let’s just go back to the hotel. It looks like the weather is getting worse so we should probably stay inside.” And that’s what we did. We ran to the hotel in less than five minutes so by the time we were in the lobby we were out of breath and laughing. It felt like the old days, before things got tense between us. It kind of made me sad too. Despite how much I liked Theo, I can’t stand it being so awkward. Sometimes he can’t even look at me. Sometimes I can’t even look at him. While we were riding up the elevator, cracking jokes and laughing, I decided that I will try to push down my emotions because who knows, maybe we can just be friends again. I didn’t want to completely ruin my relationship with Theo over something this stupid.
But that thought disappeared almost as quickly as it formed. When we got to the door of my hotel room, Theo leaned against the side of the frame. He was dripping wet but his eyes were shining like he was staring at the sun. He was wearing a huge smile and still kind of laughing and he was probably the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. And his hair was going in every direction. Without thinking I put my hand up to smooth it down. I thought maybe Theo wouldn’t like that I did that but when I dropped my hand he just smiled at me. The thing was, he wasn’t smiling at me like he would smile at a friend. Replaced by friendliness was that longing I had seen right before he first kissed me.
No. I scolded myself. We are co-workers and this is not how co-workers behave. I grabbed the hotel key out of my purse and quickly unlocked the door, rushing in past Theo.
“Uh-- so why don’t we, uh, just watch some tv. You know, unwind because we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Lots of interviews. Yeah lots and lots of interviews.” I’m rambling. Why am I rambling?
“Yeah, let’s just unwind and dry off.” He looked at me encouraging me and suddenly it was awkward. We just stood there for a second, no longer buzzing from running through the rain. “Uh...” Theo opened his mouth, looking like he wanted to say something, then closed it, apparently having dismissed the thought.
We moved to sit on the couch, with a three foot space in between.
THEO’S P.O.V.
The food was forgotten. Shai was looking at me like she didn’t want to look at anyone else ever again. We were staring at each other.
I looked away first.
I turned on the tv as a way to distract her. We sat there in silence for a few minutes watching some crap adult cartoon. Then Shai turned her back so she was sitting against the arm of the couch. At some point she had taken off her shoes because her feet were bare. Shailene yawned and slid her feet onto my lap. I cocked my head to look at her. She smiled at me the started watching the show again.
Every part of her was beautiful and I couldn’t not notice that. Everything from the slope of her nose to the arches of her feet. And her legs. God, her legs were amazing. Mindlessly, I moved my hand so it was on her leg and waited to see if she said anything. She seemed to hold her breath. I started to run my hand over her leg. I began making lazy little circles on her knee and slowly made my way up to her thigh. I stopped my hand about halfway up and she glanced at it.
I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. I wanted to not be this effected by a girl. How do you ignore someone who lives in your dreams? I’m trying. I’m really trying but I can’t seem to take away my hand. I feel like my heart is going to burst. Maybe it will. I can’t take it anymore. I look over at Shai but she’s already looking at me. For a second we just gaze at each other; she takes a shaky breath. Next thing I know she’s swinging around and positions herself so she’s sitting on my lap, with her legs on either side of me. I was taken off guard and make a small sound of exclamation. I run my hands along her body and rest them on her hips. A corner of her mouth is turned up and she’s peeking at me with big, round eyes. I never noticed how long her eyelashes are.
She says my name. “Theo...”
“Yes,” I barely manage that one word. My cheeks are burning red and my whole body is growing hotter. Shai leans forward, not even an inch from my face. She slides her hand behind my neck. Her body is pressed against mine and I can feel her breath on my face.
“I wan’t you to kiss me.” She says in a husky voice. I tell her I want to.
“What are you waiting for?” I want her. I want her so bad but we have to be professionals. What if we get together and then break up during the next shooting. It’ll ruin me, having to see her everyday knowing that I can’t have her. But isn’t that what I’m doing now.
I lean forward and brush my lips against hers. She opens hers and now we’re kissing. Her mouth is warm and I just want her so bad. Shai is kissing me hard and wraps her arms around my neck.
I moved her so she’s lying with her back on the couch. I prop myself up on my elbows so there’s little space between us but I don’t crush her. I bend towards her and kiss her neck. She gasps a little out of pleasure. I kiss her neck again and grab her cheeks with my hands. I stare at her. Why is it we’re always staring at each other? I kiss her again harder.
I shouldn’t be doing this. I should not be doing this.
I pull away and just look up at the roof for a few seconds. “What’s wrong?” Shai asks nervously.
“I can’t do this.” I whisper, no longer looking at her. She jerks back like she’s been slapped. I’ve hurt her.
“Why not?” her voice cracks. I can’t meet her eyes. I get off of the couch and stand up. She follows my lead. Shai is waiting for me to explain but I can’t do it. “You can’t keep doing this.” she says, angry now. “You can’t kiss me and then ignore me. Kiss me and then not want me. You act like you need me and then won’t even look at me.”
“I do want you.” I say, pleading with her. I’m trying to make her understand. “But it’s just...we work together and it never works out. These are just things that happen on set, they’re always just flings. And I like you as a person, Shai. I don’t want to ruin our relationship.” I’m acting tougher than I feel.
Shailene takes a deep breath, regaining her composure. She smoothes down her hair which had gotten messed up. “Okay.” she says. It sounds like defeat.
“I just don’t want to hurt you.” I say. I don’t want you to hurt me.
“No, I get it. I get it. It’s stupid but it makes sense.” She’s putting up a façade. I can feel myself losing her.
I sigh, “Can we just go back to normal?” I actually don’t think we’ll ever be normal but I say it anyway.
“We can try.”
