Nonsocial Butterfly

Chapter 1

Oct. 19th

I've never known what love is supposed to feel like, I suppose it should be like eating an ice cream on a really hot summer day or a warm cup of coco near a fireplace in the winter. It's supposed to be comforting and something you really want and appreciate when you have it. Well, I don't think I've ever experienced that kind of love before.

When it comes to family I realize I shouldn't feel all warm and tingly when they say I love you, that it should be comforting knowing I have someone there for me like that. The thing is though, my family doesn't say I love you, we only say "see ya later". I notice that other families are all affectionate and I envy them but on the other hand I'd prefer that my mom not kiss me on my cheek in public.

Okay, so my point is love is not something I'm very familiar with. I've also never had a boyfriend, not that I'm too upset about that though. They are just too demanding, require too much attention and are a lot of responsibility that I don't need in my life right now. I'm far too busy working on school and getting into a prestigious college to be worried about boys. Which if I think about it actually works out because they don't ever really try anything with me anyway.

I hear the bell ring and get up from my seat to pack up my things. I like my English class because usually the only thing we're doing is writing in our journals. Most kids take a nap and some listen to music, I write every single day. My best friend Dylan sits next to me. He always listens to music and puts his head down during journal time.

"Hey," I start when I notice he isn't reacting to the bell, "Dylan, get up we'll be late for anatomy." I push his shoulder and he jumps up quickly.

"What? Is class over all ready? Aw man, I fell asleep. Did I snore Iz?" he says wiping at his mouth to clean the drool off.

I chuckle, "I guess not, you know I don't pay attention to you in English." I shoulder my way through the hallway after we leave the classroom heading for our science class.

"Iz, I'm sorry about last night by the way. I was going to talk to you before English but I got here late this morning." He puts his head down when he's finished. He knows I won't be mad at him but he still feels bad.

You see, I have this problem. I can basically chalk it up to anxiety. I hate going out with a group of people, in fact I hate going out with more than one person at a time. Well, last night Dylan invited me over to his house and we were supposed to just watch a movie, then his guy best friend Logan calls and suddenly we're out the door and on our way to Logans. Of course when we get there there's a party. Dylan looked over at me last night and with his puppy dog eyes asked if we could stay for a minute. Dylan has been trying to talk to this new girl Lindsay that just moved to town and Logan called to say that she was there. To make a very long story short, I had a miserable time and Dylan got drunk, which led to me driving his car and himself home.

"Dylan look, its fine. Just next time leave me at home." We're now sitting in our assigned seats next to one another and class is starting, so Dylan has to stay quiet until we leave.

Class passes pretty quickly but not uneventfully. We had a lab today in which we looked at cow blood in our microscopes. Mrs. Meyers entrusted the whole bottle to Dylan and he promptly dumped half of it in his lap. So gross. After he and I go to the bathroom to clean him up we go back to class to finish the lab. I couldn't stop laughing the remainder of the class stating that now Dylan knows what it's like to be a girl once a month. The bell rings and we're on our way to lunch when Dylan gets pulled away from me. It happens every day. I don't normally hang out with Dylan's crowd so he gets pulled away and I'm left alone, which I don't actually mind as much as he thinks I do.

"Iz, just wait for me I'll be right back." I start shaking my head and turn towards the cafeteria, "I promise, two seconds." He holds up two fingers while backing away towards Logan.

"One...Two... Bye Dylan." I laugh as I walk away. Then I hear Logan.

"Why is she always such a prude, does she not like us or something?" He says.

"Dude don't call her that, Isabelle is cool, too cool to be near a loser like you, now what did you need?" Dylan retorts. I am out of ear shot when Logan goes to respond.

That's the response I ignite every time, things like being called a prude or stuck up. Really I am not, I just don't associate with many people. Dylan is different though, he talks to anyone and everyone about anything. That's kind of why we became friends in the first place.

When I get into the lunch room I find my table in the back and pull out my book and peanut butter and banana sandwich from my bag. This is my daily routine, sometimes I switch it up a bit and have a turkey or cheese sandwich but I always have a book.

"Why do you always do that? I tell you to wait and then you rush in here only to get the same table and do the same thing every day." I look up at Dylan and stick my tongue out then put all of my attention into my book again. I hear him huff and walk away.

Not even five minutes later I feel chairs being pulled out across from me and I see figures sitting in them. When I look up I notice Logan in front of me, Stacy beside him and Lindsay beside her.

"What are you guys doing?" I ask.

"Sitting with you of course." Logan smiles.

"Well I see that, why?" I say returning his sarcasm.

"Dylan asked us to today, so we are." He shrugs and picks up his pizza slice, it's literally dripping grease and I scrunch my face in disgust.

"So, if Dylan told you to jump off a bridge-" Dylan plops down next to me before I can finish.

"Are we all getting along?" He smiles and looks around the table at Stacy whose nose is in her phone, Lindsay who's slightly shaking her head, and Logan who is working on his second slice of pizza.

"What the hell are you doing?" I whisper to Dylan.

"You need to make friends Iz. So I'm helping you." He whispers back with a concerned look on his face.

"Thanks, but no thanks." I stand up and my chair screeches back. I walk over to the trashcans to toss the rest of my sandwich away. When I leave the lunchroom I don't look back to see if Dylan is following me because I know he isn't. It's not that Dylan picks his other friends over me, he just doesn't like to be as alone as I do. He likes the comradery and I understand that, he just has a hard time understanding that I don't need it nor want it.

The rest of the school day passes quickly with me going into history and then finally math. When the final bell rings I race out of the building and to my car. Where, as always, stands Dylan with ear buds in his ears and his arms crossed leaning back against my 2001 Jetta. It's almost comical to see him get in and out of the thing. It's like watching clowns rush out of a clown car in the circus.

"You know the car is unlocked, you can get in before I get here." I say, approaching the car.

"It's hotter than hell in there, its cooler out here." He sits down in the car which makes the whole thing dip down a little.

"Where's your boy toy?" I ask. Logan usually comes running up to catch Dylan before he leaves.

"We have practice today so he went straight to the field house."

"Why aren't you on your way there then?" I ask, pausing in my efforts to start the car.

"I forgot my cleats at home so I was hoping my most awesome best friend would take me to get them and then possibly bring me back and stay during practice?" he leans over the console to lay his head on my shoulder and blink up at me through his eyelashes.

Sometimes when Dylan isn't going to be at practice long I take my homework with me and do it on the bleachers while he's practicing. It's nothing new but he knows I don't particularly like doing it so I groan in mock annoyance.

"Fine, but that means that I don't have to tomorrow." I grin with my winning statement.

"No, you don't have to but you know that you will anyway." Check and mate. One for Dylan zero for Isabelle.