My Life

People I knew

People ? friends ? family ? They say all that should matter to you is the people in your life. the people who love you and the people you love. But I dont love any one. I dont ven love myself. As weird as that sounds, its ture. I have never like a thing about myself. I was a peoples person. I had friends and other random people all arounf me. Thats how I grew up. It was not difficult for me to make frieds. but as life has never showered me with good lasting things, for once I knew I was alone. Alone, in the crowd. Alone, in my own group of friends. I had never been so scared to face the world. I never knew what the world or my life would be without friends. obviously it did affect me at first. i would complain, I would crib, I would cry and be all gloomy. And lets not forget, I got hurt. My own people had hurt me. I was taken for granted. Everyone left. And there I was, in the world which was new to me. I was a new born to this world. World where I was alone. I stopped going out, because I got scared of the crowd. I would never feel comfortable meeting new people, because all I cared about was what will a person think about me when she will go back. What people talked about me bothered me. I stayed in my room, withmy laptop and mobile doing something or the other, trying to kill the day.

Its been a year now. I have changed. I dont know how, but I did. I no more care about people. I hate making friends. I dont trust anyone. I talk to a couple of people I have known and guess what ? I dont want them around me either. I just want people to fuck off from my life, because I am no longer up to take their shit. I am no more the good person I was. I dont care if i hurt them.

I think what I have learnt is people are not as important as you think. No one stay forever sweetheart. Noone. The sooner we accept the better. People come and they WILL go. You will try to hold onto them but guess what ? They will leave even sooner. Dont trust anyone. Dont trust anyone but yourself. Dont ever share your weakness with anyone, because they will fuck you a big time. This life sure is no fairy tale. The only friend you have is you. Its important to love yourself, because if you dont you are going to be miserable and you wont be able to change it. I am not able to. I just made this up today- " and when you grow up.. You learn that people are just like the extra calories. You just dont need them" I dont know how ridiculous that sounds, but its true.

I dont even feel sad that I dont have friends anymore. It just makes me more happy and gives me a life without drama however miserable. Since I have put these extra calories back, I am healthy.

-a.b