Lotus Blood

Lotus Blood Part 7

Chapter Five

A piano's playing behind slivers of frosted glass. The music flows through me and I'm nothing, nowhere.

The piano fades. The notes ripple away and bright sun filters through long tickly grass. A safe summer day at home but I drift away, floating over dark green hills.

A white smudge grows, focusing into brilliant white columns and golden roofs floating in space. A clear pure temple and someone's there, waiting for me.

I float on into a cold black nothing.

What a way to be dreaming, just coming and going, coming and going.

And I can move in this dream. I wiggle my fingers. I can't see them but they move well enough.

I'm lying on some kind of thin cushioned surface. I put out my arms and feel along with my hands, palms down, like making a snow angel.

Ok, let's sit up, see what happens, shall we?

I raise myself up and there's a noise, no, a feeling; ripples in the blackness, reaching out, bobbing me up and down. And there's colour now, a light-blue shading like a half seen winter sky.

Another ripple drops around my head, down onto my shoulders. This one's harder, more substance, bigger ripples and I rock like a fish in a pool. And now facing the blue, there's yellow, distinct against the nothingness. I pull my knees up to my chest and hug my arms round them.

The blue shimmers on my left, the yellow away to the right; easy to miss both, if it wasn't so still and black. The yellow shifts and begins to pulse, out and in, out and in, just like a heart. The blue ripples, sending soft waves lapping around me.

Then everything goes still, paused, no ripples and no pulses. I hold my breath. It's waiting, waiting for me.

"Choose."

The single word catches on the void, resonating, rolling out.

"Choose."

Another wave, higher, harder and now the yellow throbs, growing and shrinking, beating out through me.

"Choose, choose."

The blue grows deeper and richer, hardly moving, just slow waves flowing up and down. The soft ripples almost completely lost in the yellow beats.

"Choose, choose."

I'm still hugging my knees.

"Why? Why do I have to choose?"

My question flows out from me and splashes into the colours, distorting them.

"Why?"

Everything ceases, stops, blue and yellow still and tense.

And then it's just blackness, tearing me apart, flying into the vacuum. I'm nothing, and the nothing is screaming.

I clamp my hands over my mouth, holding it all in; staring into nothing, the big empty absence of anything that ever was. The Void.

"Please," I whimper. "Please, I'll choose."

The yellow and blue are back, waiting for me. I wrap my arms around my shoulders.

"Hold onto yourself," comes so softly, it's just a breath on my cheek.

Mum?

I'm a little girl and Mum's stroking my hair, wiping away my tears. "Hold onto yourself, Nam."

I'd never known what it meant. Now I did. I have to hold onto myself.

My colours, my choices, wait for me. Blue glows deep, hardly moving. Yellow pulses, pushing at me.

"Choose, Nam."

I turn to the beating yellow, hold my breath and take a small step forward. The yellow glow beats so hard the wave pushes me back. It's laughing, howling and triumphant, opening up to welcome me. I scream, turn and run, arms out wide, straight into the deep royal blue.

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