My early life was a blurry vision. I barely remember it, except for some things that probably won't be considered as a good childhood. When I was born, my mom held me as I saw me grandma, Aj, cousin, and my dad all sitting right in the room. Thoughts of what happened flushed into my mind quickly, I didn't know where I was and cried in disappointment of myself. Have you had that feeling like you should know where you are but you don't so you cry, that was my feelings. Straight crying for no reason everyone thought. When I got out of that room I was rushed home by my mom and dad, I never knew where we actually went but I didn't go I was babysat by my aunt.
When I was around 2, I had a brother. He was bigger than I was when I was a baby, I was so loving to him because I love babies. I've always wanted to have my own baby but I didn't know what to do so I just kept it on the down low. He wasn't really nice to me when we were older or getting older I should say, he would hit me and let me trip on toys. Yep, I know messed up brother. When I was about 4 years old everything changed, it was my brothers birthday and he had just ripped open the first present. He took a good like at what he had got and just fell to the floor, everyone was still and very scared. I started to cry like the whole world was going to end, I thought he had died because he wasn't moving at all. The ambulance was here two minutes later after being called as I was put in the room for a minute or two, I was still crying. Feeling neglected and alone for what felt like forever, I couldn't calm down at all.
At a loss for anything or anyone that would come through that door.
When I was around 8 years old, I was in my 3rd grade class just a normal day. The phone rang as all the kids started to whisper what is it for. As she finished the call she told me to go outside as I followed her to the door. She had told me my grandpa had died and someone is coming to pick me up. I started to burst into tears not caring if anyone saw me. I sat down right there crying like nobody was watching, head down on my legs waiting for my Aj to come get me. She saw me crying there and started to run to me. She bent down to confort me as I cried. Everyone in the classroom was staring at me as I just felt more embarrassed. In my head thinking why why why, why me why now. She picked me up and carried me to the car because I didn't want to get up, I felt like I lost the world and I died instead of him.
"I'm taking you home, you're clothes are packed and we're getting ready to go visit in LA" she said, I had just kept crying hearing that. I didn't know what to do except cry in despair.
As we were driving to LA I just sat in the back of the car look at the road. My mom looked back "keep your head up, everything is going to be ok" she had said, "I'm trying but I just can't right now" I told her, then she just tuned around. Me just talking to myself inside my head is hurting myself without anyone knowing it. I just fell asleep the rest of the way. When we had got there to my nana's house I had just ran in the house and laying down on that bed to try and forget. The Funeral was my dark time, I felt like I died. Nobody cared about me crying, I just ran out of there completely done with life.
I had to life there in my grandpa's house feeling dead inside for losing him. On my first day of school, it was bad. Everyone picked on me and I didn't know why. It was always like that the whole year as I got bullied badly. Got beat up everyday for no reason except for them to have fun, but it wasn't fun to me. I wasn't happy that year at all, I lost everything and I just wanted to end it all. How would you feel if you got beat up everyday by your classmates? I would feel alone, sad, depressed, and a nobody. Everyone hated me and my mom never saw the bruises. My dad wasn't really around because when I was very young I remember waking up to screaming, I walked over to where it was it. It was my dad pulling my moms hair for a reason I didn't know I started to cry in sadness. I've ever remember seeing my dad ever do something like that to my mom.
I had returned to my dad at the end of the year all beat up not wanting to talk about anything that happened there. I realized the place he lived in wasn't even his house. He lived in his friend's mom's house but luckily she was nice enough to let him live there too. My dad had the same name as my meanest brother but not a junior, my dads name is Joe Leonard Vallejos jr and my brothers name is Joe Daniel Vallejos. I was only about 9 and a half years old as my brother was 7 almost 8. He lived in the den part of the house so it was a little chilly weather when it was warm inside. Sometimes we could sleep in the living room because it was too cold for us so my dad sleep in there alone. It wasn't a big den but more like a medium closet size, he was very nice and nicer from before. I liked him better than my mom because he just seemed nicer but a little scary at times. We had a lot of singing times when he would turn some music on and we would just sing our hearts out, he had a nice voice of a man I thought. He's my hero and I love him, this one time he had turn on diamonds by Rihanna. I was video taped by him but I couldn't see he was at first, I had hit every note she did and my voice didn't crack. He put it on his Facebook and I gotten a lot of positive reviews by my family. He showed me a week later and I was feeling more happier and better from my 4th grade in LA life. I didn't need a counselor anymore at that time and I was proud of myself. Before 5th grade came rolling around, my mom came back from LA with my youngest brother Derek, he was barely born so we had to be gentle with him. I smile at my baby brother and he smiled back as I met him for the first time, he was the cutest thing I've ever seen but such a brat. He and my other brother gang up on me for no reason but just to hurt me.
