You can have it, but you can't.

Part 3

It got better for awhile.

the feelings I mean.

I was happy.

but then everything kinda,

left.

I wasn't happy anymore.

I was back in this black hole and I couldn't get out.

I wanted to get out so bad.

See something else besides darkness.

I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts anymore.

They were too,

how could I say this,

immense.

I couldn't handle them.

It was like I was dreaming but couldn't wake up.

I guess that's a way to explain it.

a nightmare I couldn't wake up from.

I was stuck.

You know that feeling when you feel so helpless,

and you get this feeling in your chest like you just wanna scream out.

but you can't.

I wanted help.

but how could I ask for help when I, myself, don't even know what was happening.

I know what you're thinking.

"it's not that hard to open your mouth and tell someone you need help."

but it is.

you just wouldn't understand.

I wouldn't want you to anyway.

it's too hard.

You honestly have no idea how much the feeling builds up in me.

The feeling of getting the courage to finally tell someone,

only for it to vanish in an instant.

You think you'll know what to say.

you probably think it'll be easy and they will understand.

but they could never.

and I don't know if this makes any sense to you.

the person reading this.

my thoughts on paper - or a screen I guess.

I don't know if you quite I understand where I'm coming from.

maybe you do.

and if you do, then maybe there's a chance for people like us.

maybe one day we will finally build up the courage to ask for help.

until that day comes,

do what I do.

write it down.

let someone find this for themselves.

let them find the words you've been keeping in your head for so long, there wasn't enough room for more,

so you had to write it down.

Let your thoughts spill onto the paper through your finger tips.

let everything that's been hiding for so long,

out.

it may seem like I'm repeating myself.

but I'm just trying to get you to understand.

so I'll leave off here with a few last words,

from a man who saved my life,

through music.

"you can journal•
talk to yourself on paper so you/they don't
think/know you.re crazy•"

- Tyler Joseph.

also,

remember

you can have it,

but you can't.