Addicted to Pain

Chapter One - Failure

"Life is for the living.

Death is for the dead.

Let life be like music.

And death a note unsaid."

-Langston Hughers

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Chapter One

All the strings that attached me to sanity broke. Water gushed from my eyes and snot poured from my nose and my breathing became difficult as sobs escaped my lips. I pounded my fist over and over against a brick wall, each hit harder than the last. I could feel the skin on the sides of my fists break open. The blood left prints all over the bricks but I didn't stop; I couldn't stop. She was taken from me. She was all I had left. She was all I cared about and someone fucking killed her. They bashed her head in with their goddamn hands. I fell to the soft, green grass unable to hold myself up any longer and I began to scream. The screams were blended with sobs of pure agony. I had no control over it; I felt paralyzed.

I tilled my head over to my house as I heard emergency sirens. At least five cop cars showed up and two ambulances. When one of the EMTs saw me they rushed over to me as the cops cautiously moved into my house. When he was almost to me I sat up and said I was alright, but he didn't seem to understand.

"Do you know where you are, miss? Who you are?" he asked calmly.

"That's my house. I'm the one who called you guys. Now I don't need your help, my sister does," I shot back.

"Would you care to walk back to the ambulance with me?" he asked extending his hand.

I took it and stood. Just as I did two paramedics rolled out a black bag. Anger shot up my spine sending waves of heat throughout my entire body and I started to run towards my sister.

"You can save her!" I shouted. "You bastarders! Why did you let her die?"

Just then I was caught from behind only a few feet from sister. Why didn't they try to save her? I clawed and kicked and screamed and cursed and spit at the person holding onto me.

"She's not dead. She's not dead," I repeated over and over.

Blackness.

I shot straight up in bed. Was it all just a dream? Then I began to look around the room I was in. It was a hospital room. I gripped the soft white sheet that covered me and hung my head, letting my hair fall. My heart hurt from the sadness that overwhelmed it and I could taste the tears that streamed down my cheeks. Slowly I laid back down and not wanting to think about it anymore I closed my eyes to fall back asleep.

Sleep, though, only brought nightmares. I was walking down the hallway of my house in slow motion trying to get to my sister who was in the kitchen. I could hear her blood churning screams but my body wouldn't move any faster. When I finally made it there her killer fled out the back door that was in the kitchen and I ran over to my sister who was l laing almost limp on the floor, her blond hair matted in blood.

"Please don't die! They should be here soon to help. Please, I love you," I begged staring into her glazed over eyes.

But her body went completely limp in my arms and then I bolted awake, sitting up. I stared at my legs that were now covered in a different looking white blanket before I heard a voice.

"Nurse shes awake."

I looked over at the man talking. He was obviously a police officer. I was curious as to why he was here. Was I in some kind of trouble? Did they think I killed her? Anger flushed to my cheeks at that thought. They better as hell not think that!

"Fuck off," I hissed.

His face contorted at my response. He probably wasn't expecting how furious I was going to be after just waking up.

"Excuse me ma'am but-" he began but I cut him off.

"Why are you here?" I retorted violently.

The nurse walked in before the police officer could say anything. She looked almost like my sister... Her bright blond hair in huge curls and the most baby blue eyes I've ever seen. A lump formed in my throat and I was sure I was going to cry. I covered my face with my long brown hair as good as I could but the tears didn't come only the heat of anger.

"Are you in pain anywhere?" The nurse asked holding the clipboard that was hanging on my bed.

"No," I snapped but rgreted it right away. "I-I mean if I say yes you won't put me back to sleep will you?"

"I'm supposed to-" she started.

"Please don't... I don't want to have the nightmares anymore," I pleaded.

She hesitated for a few seconds, "Where is it you hurt?"

"My arms and my hands... Do you think I could of fractured them?" I asked hesitantly. I knew I didn't break them; they didn't hurt bad enough.

The nurse walked over and took one of my arms in her hand. "I might be able to tell but we can't be sure until we have x-rays," she explained. She felt around my arm. The whole time I was wincing in pain. "Well it seems to feel like you do so I'll definitely schedule you an x-Ray before you leave, honey." And with that she walked out of the room giving me a smile which made my heart drop. I would never see my sister smile again.

Then the officer spoke up. "Anytime your ready I will need to hear about what you witnessed about your sister's murder."

My eyes shot up to him and then back down at my covers. Screw that.

So I shut down. I was not going to let myself remember. I was going to keep it blocked out of my mind forever. I just couldn't take it any more.

"I want to go to sleep," I whispered. I layed back down and acted like I was going back to sleep. I could hear the officer leave the room, closing the door.

Without meaning to I did fall asleep but I didn't have any bad nightmares this time.

"Alexis. I need to talk to you could you wake up. I have work I need to get back to," a voice sneered.

"Go away," I groaned covering my face with the blanket. I was enjoying my sleep.

I heard a sigh, "Of course, moody as always."

My eyes shot open. It was my dad. "What the hell did you just say?" I asked as I sat up.

I hated him so much it was because of him my family fell apart. We were a happy family. It was my sister's dad, our mom, me and my sister. Well, that was until my sister's dad found out I wasn't his. My dad had raped my mom but she never told anyone, not even before she died. My sister and I knew what happened though... we could tell.

My sister's dad left us and got my sister for the summer when she was out of school. I never saw him again. Mom did die a year later, a little bit after my sister 18th birthday, from cancer so my sister took me in. My sister went to collage and the state paid for our bills. When my sister went to visit her dad every summer she begged me to go with her. Instead I decided to find my dad. It was the worse decision ever. I regretted it ever since. He was a selfish bastard and tried to gain custody of me but it didn't work.

"Scarlet is dead so-"

I jumped out of bed and eyed him down. He was a piece of trash. He had no right to use my sister's name. He had backed up to the wall from my sudden outburst. "Shut the hell up and leave my sisters name out of your mouth before I rip your god forsaken tongue out!" I yelled.

"She is dead so I have custody over you now. I wouldn't try that," he explain. "Now if you'll excuse me I have work to get back to."

I reached for a pen that was on the table a threw it at him as he walked out the door but I missed. As soon as the doors closed I dropped to my knees and started to cry. I felt completely helpless and lost. I had no one to turn to anymore. I had no one to trust. Could it get any worse? What did I do?

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I had this uploaded before but I took it down to edit and change some things. So anyway thanks you so much for checking out my story! Love you long time ^.^