Random Ramblings Of Random Me

Him

I know I'm broken. I know I'm a burden. So, I tell people not to stay, I push them away, I give them a way out. I do it to everyone.

I let him see the darkness that consumes me, and he stayed. I don't have any clue why. He said few words, but he vehemently shook his head when I said I wasn't worth it, that I was a burden, and that everyone deserves better than me. He stayed there, his presence calming me.

That night he stayed. He stayed even though he was exhausted. He stayed even though he hadn't slept in his own bed for the past 2 nights. And so I leaned on him, laying there next to him. And he gradually was able to cheer me up. At 4 am, he had me about dying of laughter because he insisted on me watching "Llamas With Hats". I had my head resting on the crook of his shoulder, laying down on our backs, holding the phone up towards the sky so we could watch that freaking video, and he rested his head right there on mine. What? Yeah. The guy wasn't really a contact person, but he was comfortable enough with me that I often times used him as a pillow. Here he was though, resting back on me.

It's really unfortunate how hard I'm falling for him because he's told his friends and me that he has a hard time expressing emotion and gaining emotional attachment. Besides that, we're in an 8 week program. We've got 2 and a half weeks left. He lives halfway across the country from me. He's a junior in high school and I'm a senior. The odds really are stacked against me.

This quiet guy had my heart though. He didn't even know it. His calm demeanor and logical side with his random bouts of humor filled my thoughts. He is so freaking attractive too and is freaking strong (I call him super human.)

He was so fun to be around. He chased my depression away. I could be myself with him. Like the other day, he messed with me, so I took a marker to his face, and we ended up wrestling, me trying to get marker on his face and him just going on the defensive. If he weren't so freaking in shape, it wouldn't have taken so long, but I won. He admitted it too. He smiled with humor.

The guy has really opened up to me since the beginning of the program. He's been there for me too. He's still quiet, but I can appreciate it. He's cute when he's flustered. He's both confident and strong minded as he is indecisive just to let me make the choices. I think he's happy too. I just wished he'd feel the way that I do. But I should be grateful. A friend like him is one in a million.